hi everyone
i have been thinking about this for well over a year now...and i laugh as i read some ofthe stories with our frinds and families reactions to this decision!! you would think i was choosing to stop wearing clothes or something!!!
what the heck it is only hair..and i am incredibly curious!! my mother was an auburn with fair skin and my sister and i got the italian side (from dad) with the olive skin and dark hair...my mother had a full head of beautiful white hair to her dying day at 92!! where as my father had the s/p on what little hair he had left!!
my husband is greying around the temples and i swore i would not go grey until he had well forget it since his dad at 91 did not go grey until about 8 yrs ago!! so now that i am ready willing and able i feel like “i am woman hear me roar” let’s get on with this transition...patience is NOT my best virtue so i will need advice as we go along…
as soon as i cna figure out how to send a photo i will..in the meantime i love this site and i am ordering the book today!!
ps the only good thing about htis is my hair grows fast and i already wear it short…

here is a fun PS...my youngest son (17) is rather mad at me he told me that now everyone will know that i have been dying my hair!!! oh plese i told him that is no secret!!!
now everywhere i look i see only a “sea of dyed hair”!!!!!!!!
enough i blather on…
lainla
ps it doesn’t help to live in la one of the most youth conscious cities ever!!!

Posted by louann on 08/03 at 11:09 AM

Lainia! You’re the first person to “find” this comment section. It’s rather new, but so are you! I think some of our Members don’t even know it exists yet, so I’m going to put a little announcement on the home page. See? You’re a trailblazer in more ways than going gray!

As far as being a trailblazer in LA, yeah, been there, lived there for awhile. Blonde city. But this phenomenon is catching on all over, so you’ll be a trendsetter as well as a trailblazer!

Can’t wait for you to send in your pics!

Posted by Diana Jewell on 08/12 at 08:17 AM

justthis morning my husband told me to get ready for the pictures so we can keep a “visual log” soget ready and soon i will send my pics along!!
louann

Posted by louann on 08/12 at 08:54 AM

Hello, nice to see another place in which to comment Diana.
Lainla, I know what you mean about the “sea of dyed hair”. Since I stopped dyeing I’m much more aware of all women’s hair and it is so rare to find a woman of my age (mid 40s) who doesn’t dye. I feel I’m really bucking the trend. The other thing I see everywhere is the little tell tale halo of silver around the hairline.
Sharon

Posted by Sharon on 08/12 at 03:27 PM

i am laughing at the reaction i get from friends who also hide the gray halo!! i am trying tofigure out the whole ‘YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK SO OLD’ as if fake dyed hair is so youthful!!!
anyway this site is so fun i feel like i am in the sorority i never joined!! 

Posted by louann on 08/12 at 08:46 PM

I had to laugh at your comments, louann & sharon.  I join you in *consciously* realizing that nearly every woman I see has dyed hair.  And hello to you both.  I’m new, too.  I’m going to send Diana some new photos for the Newbie section.

I stopped at a salon in my office building yesterday for a quick shampoo (had a hot water issue at the house) and the owner says to me as I’m leaned back in the shampoo basin, “I’ve got time. You want me to slap some color on those roots?  Get your hair back in shape?” I say, “No way! This is 5-1/2 months of growth. I’m getting rid of my color.” His response was, “Oh. ewww.  ugh. You really don’t want to do that. It’s gonna look terrible.” I say, “I think it looks great already and I like it.” He shakes his head and says again, “This is a really bad idea. You should reconsider.” His wife chimes in her agreement.  I don’t respond anymore, just close my eyes.

This from a man who is nearly 60, wears his dyed yellow hair
in a short, spiky cut that does not make him look 25 and his wife is of a similar age, wears make-up heavy enough you’d think she was going in front of a camera immediately and has her hair colored a matte copper penny, which is not exactly flattering or youthful looking.

Interestingly, these are the only people who’ve been remotely negative about my gray hair. lol --- Anita

Posted by anita on 08/15 at 08:00 PM

Anita, your story about the salon experience really made me laugh. Well done for standing up to the dreadful salon people. Your description of their hair was very vivid and made me giggle. Isn’t it hilarious how they can criticise your decision yet fail to see how they themselves DO NOT LOOK YOUNGER with their fakery? Ahem, yes ok I did it myself for years too.

I refuse to let any hairdresser who is negative about my decision anywhere near my hair. Back when I was first making the decision to do this a hairdresser said ‘oh my god you’ll look so old’. I decided there and then I would never go to her again. I then found an excellent sylist who was totally supportive and had 3 cuts with her (including the one that got rid of the last of the dye) but unfortunately she has now moved abroad. 

Thanks for brightening my morning Anita,

Sharon

Posted by Sharon on 08/16 at 01:09 AM

Sharon and Anita,
I dont know how i would have handled the old comment from the stylist OR Anita’s shampoo story...You both did the right thing! It is incredibly important to know why we are doing this! No matter what our own reasons are.

I think Diana is right that this IS catching on everywhere. These particular salons are not keeping up. Sooner or later there will be places that specialize in treatments FOR silver/pewter/ice etc. We are actually on the cutting edge of something big. It is weird that pretty much every woman dyes their hair now. It will take a bit of time to change attitudes, because this idea is something new. Really new in that we can love our natural hair..and not be an “old lady”.

I think we can be the trend setters now for steel and silver acceptance! Have you ever noticed how trends catch on? There are so many people with dyed hair now, the whole industry is aching for something different.

I am cutting my hair short this week and I am excited to report what my stylist thinks about the silver. I know he is pro-grey, we shall see if he has read Diana’s book I loaned him.

Posted by ruthmgon on 08/16 at 03:49 AM

I am lucky to have a regular hairdresser who is very supportive of my decision, whether or not she personally agrees with it, and she may not.  But that’s not her business.  Well, it is, and there are ways to offer an opinion, *assuming* one’s been asked for, that aren’t rude and rapport-breaking as those stylists did.

It’s also important to remember what my hairdresser told me, which is: “You know, people making your decision strike fear in the hearts of us hairdressers.” This of course refers to the assumption, which I believe is going to prove false, that once you (we, those of us going natural NOW as opposed to women who did this even just 20 years ago) stop coloring, that we’re not going to maintain our looks anymore.  We’re going to get a trim twice a year and look for a good blue rinse occasionally if we’re feeling frisky.  HA!

I have read comments on various blogs and lists from some women who are embracing their gray by setting aside other hair treatments, makeup, heels, certain kinds of clothing, etc., but for me?  I’m getting girlier by the the day!

I have every suspicion that I’m going to put plenty of effort into maintaining and enhancing my gray hair just as I did with color.  In different ways, of course, but still…

So, next time a hairdresser is less than encouraging, it also pays to remember that some of that negativity is likely coming from a very personal space:  worry over their possible loss of income.  That’s legitimate for them to be concerned with, but it adds another level of perspective for us when we hear it, I think.  --- Anita

Posted by anita on 08/16 at 08:54 AM

that poor witch was green!! but WICKED changed all that feeling about those 2 witches!!

louann

Posted by louann on 11/08 at 07:41 AM

When I get compliments on my gray hair I sometimes tell
people, “walk long enough under the stars and they will come down and kiss your head.”

Posted by white on 04/10 at 09:44 AM

Wow, White, what a lovely thought! Haven’t seen you post before, but you certainly have a wonderful way of describing the “magic” of silver. Keep these good thoughts coming!

Posted by Diana Jewell on 04/10 at 09:57 AM

White~ I love it!  I too am amazed at how many people try to tell me I will look “old” if I don’t color my hair.  I actually find it very liberating to embrace my new color.  I had been coloring my hair since my oldest was in 7th grade.  He is now 29.  When my last child got married last May I said, “no more”.  I just got the last of the color cut off.  I love it, even if others have a difficult time with it.  Interestingly, it’s the ones who color their hair and it looks so obvious.  Anyway, the biggest problem I’m having is that the bang area is turning yellow.  Not sure if it’s product, curling iron or what.  I’ve tried to find a solution but with no real success. The interesting thing is everywhere else it’s a brilliant white with some pepper.  Any help out there?  I really don’t want to color my hair but this yellow is really bad. I’m reading the posts, trying to find a solution for this problem. Haven’t found anything yet.

Posted by Aziza on 04/22 at 11:09 AM

Aziza, I use a mousse for gray hair that is tinted purple and it helps hide any yellow, also use the purple shampoo, I find these products at Sally’s.  Also, I noticed when I tried to use a straightner on my hair it turned yellow wherever I touched it with the heat.  Another great product is something I get at Victoria’s Secret.  I am at work and can’t think of the exact name but it’s a spray that makes your hair just shine like crazy.  Ask at V.S. and they will know, it’s not a hairspray that holds your hair in place, but only makes it beautiful.

Posted by white on 04/22 at 11:59 AM

White~ Thanks for your response.  If you get a chance, can you take a peek at the name of the mousse.  I have tried several purple shampoos but they turned the white more grayish and I’m not really sure that it helped the yellow much. How about hairspray?  Found any that doesn’t make hair yellow?

Posted by Aziza on 04/22 at 01:16 PM

I was reading an article about “changing careers” and the first thing it said was cover that gray.  And for about 5 minutes I thought about it and in walked a woman and the first thing she said to me was, “wow, I love your hair .. it is so dramatic”.  I exited that article.  I told my husband about it later and his response, “quit reading those things ...your hair is beautiful”.  I think I have received more compliments in the 2 1/2 years that my color has grown out than I ever did in the 20 years that I colored my hair.  Isn’t that funny?

Posted by Lynn on 05/07 at 03:38 PM

Lynn, I’m so with you there!  I’ve had so many more compliments since I stopped dyeing than I ever did before, too, and I’m not even finished yet!  I love that we prove those kinds of articles wrong! 

Posted by RunnerGal on 05/07 at 04:14 PM

Lynn,Runnergal,I just love hearing that!!!! I also have heard that from so many Women on this site.I think that is so exciting.That gives me hope &something;to look so forward to.What we spend so much time trying to hide!

Posted by new york on 05/07 at 04:45 PM

Aziza, The mousse I use is Fanci Full in white minx.  I use the hairspray from victoria secret and also the spray that gives it a little shimmer.  Before I use the mousse, while my hair is wet I put on a sort of silicone substance that is like a leave in conditioner.  It makes the mousse go on more evenly.

Posted by white on 05/08 at 07:11 AM

White, Thanks!  I’ll give it a try. 

Posted by Aziza on 05/08 at 09:18 AM

I am going gray although I am not completely there yet. I still have alot of my redidhe brownon the nape of my neck whereas my top is mainly gray. I am finding cutting my hair is quite the challenge though because one side’s more gray than the other and that is annoying. I cut my own hair to save money ,also even before I was gray I was a botticeli curl girl(type 3A) so I was better off cutting my own hair dry. It has always been dry so I am figuring I am gonna have to change my routine much since I have always had to keep it moisturized. I am looking for a job but so far I haven’t found that to be anymore challenging than usual since I am a newbie biller with no office experience,formally, but plenty of coding experience at home

Posted by Aizilyn on 07/21 at 10:52 AM

I was just reading the comments regarding the negative reaction some have gotten from their hairdressers about their decision to go gray.  Of course hairdressers don’t want us to go gray - they make their living off of our hair!  The more we want them to do to it, the more money they make.  What infuriates me about these people, and about cosmetics salespeople, is that they will try to undermine your self-esteem to make a buck off of you.  Not all of us are as confident and self-assured as the ladies here, and it plants those nagging thoughts in your head: “Gee, will I really look old?  Will gray really look bad on me?  Should I buy that tiny $100 pot of eye cream that claims to make me 20 years younger?” Don’t listen to them!  I agree with all here that fake-looking dyed hair is way more aging than natural gray.

Posted by lalouve on 09/16 at 06:17 AM

Patty, couldn’t agree with you more. But smart salons will figure out ways to work with this “new” silver customer. Especially in this economy. There is so much they can offer her: deep conditioning treatments, glazes, and yes, maybe highlights to get through the initial stages. They can also continue to offer modern, stylish cuts, and a selection of products that will take good care of silver hair. Salons are truly missing the boat if they don’t realize that every dollar a woman doesn’t spend on color processing could very well be spent on other salon services.

I agree with you that some of the counter girls are very good at planting self-doubt. What they should concentrate on instead is their ingredient story—stressing why something may be better for you than anything else ever invented! That’s a story you might listen to. But never one that drags you down. When will they learn?

Posted by Diana Jewell on 09/16 at 06:35 AM

It is almost impossible to get a good wireless connection right now, I keep getting dropped.  I am in Charlotte, North Carolina tonight and then on to Florida tomorrow.  I just wanted to say hi to everyone while I can! Looks like I may be quiet until we get all settled.

Posted by lulubell on 12/03 at 04:13 PM

Wondered where you’ve been, Lulubell! Safe travels!

Posted by Diana Jewell on 12/03 at 07:09 PM

noooo you can’t be quiet lulubell...we need your “gps” thru the site!!

how long will you be in florida???? is this the snow bird time of year ??? what are your holiday plans??? and why couldn’t you try the desserts of california instead???? mmmmm????

Posted by louann on 12/03 at 09:56 PM

Louann, I’ll only be a “little” quiet until we get all set up in Florida, then I’ll be my usual “chatty” self! LOL!! This is the snowbird season, for us anyway.  We have quite a few friends in Florida so Christmas is always fun!  This morning we leave Charlotte and head for Florida so I may not get back to my chatting for a couple of days.  I would love to spend a winter in California, never been there, how big is your driveway??  

Posted by lulubell on 12/04 at 04:28 AM

Thanks Diana! The interstates have been kind to us so far, so has the weather.

Posted by lulubell on 12/04 at 04:30 AM

Okay you northerners, what is the difference between snow, or snowing, and snow showers?  Way down hear in the depths of Texas we are scheduled to get Snow showers turning to snow. 

It only snows here about once every ten years, although it did snow, umm, I’m thinking 3 years ago, on Christmas eve.  It couldn’t have been more perfect!  And a fun surprise too!

safe journey Lulubell, I’m glad the weather is being good for you.  Good thing you’re not headed this way, it’s going to be messy because it’s raining first which may turn to ice.  Northerners drive the way they are used to and freak out the rest of us who are already freaking out because we have no clue how to drive in this kind of weather!    it’s a good thing that I have less than a mile to drive to get to work and it’s all on back roads.

Posted by Marisa on 12/04 at 05:27 AM

Lulubell,

Glad you are doing something fun.  I hadn’t seen you post for a while and I was beginning to wonder if you were sick or something.  Hope you have a great time, weather that co-operates and a safe journey!

Posted by Chrysalis on 12/04 at 05:46 AM

lulubell i actually have a long driveway and even a plug....
anytime anytime…

Posted by louann on 12/04 at 06:57 AM

Hi everyone, thank you for your posts about problems with hairdressers.  I recently stopped by a HairCuttery for a quick trim instead of going to my regular hairdresser.  As soon as I sat down, the stylist said “Honey, you need color!” I told her, “I know, but I don’t want to do that.” She asked “Why not” as if she thought I was crazy.  I mumbled something about changing my mind and ran out of the shop.  I’ve since been cutting my hair myself to avoid these kinds of hassles.

Posted by PatS on 12/08 at 08:36 AM

Hi PatS—you did the right thing! Run, do not walk, if you get that kind of grief! I don’t know what some colorists are thinking—they’re going to browbeat us into submission?  I don’t theeeenk so. We’ve started a list of gray-friendly salons (get to it from the homepage or under the Care & Treatment tab), and you’ll see that there are some good ones out there. I don’t know if you live anywhere close to these places, but the list is truly in formation, and we hope to cover the country. . . someday.

Which reminds me—come on, guys. If you’ve found a salon you feel comfortable in, please submit the name, location, phone numbers, and any particulars to me. There are Silver Sisters out there who NEED to know.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 12/08 at 08:47 AM

PatS- Sorry to hear about your stick-in-the-mud, youth-media conditioned, out of touch stylist, who opened her mouth when she needed to open her EYES!

There are stylists out there who understand that evolving to gray & supporting clients is so much better for business than snapping the gloves on & dumping dye on every head that walks in their door!

Look at it this way.  Searching for a good doctor can take time & run the risk of a misdiagnosis.  But, it’s worth it.  So to, with hair stylists.  Check out the always growing Salon Directory to see if any are in your area.  Be aware of great grays on the street and don’t be afraid to ask them where they get their styled.

You did the right thing by walking out of the salon.  No one needs those type of comments.  And the salon needs to realize that their are repercussions from thoughtless comments like the ones uttered from that stylist.

Do you have Diana’s book yet?  It’s a great tool to take with you to a prospective salon.  Now, go forth in style & confidence...you deserve it!

Posted by Goldie on 12/08 at 09:03 AM

hi i,m in england and found this fantastic site today. am in transition - about 3/4 months now and sooo impatient.  felt very like me against the world (of hair dye) so cant say how wonderful it is to find a site of sassy confident and supportive ladies to chat with. the pictures are fantastic and i only hope i come half way close to being as good as they are. am thinking i am not ‘going grey’ but changing my colour.  impressed by loads of tips and hints on how to deal with new look - especially beauty tips and looking forward to re-inventing myself. i too look at the world and see coloured hair and wonder why it took me so long. i guess when the time is right you just know. looking forward to visiting here regularly as we do not seem to have this kind of site in uk. thank you all

Posted by chalcot on 02/21 at 03:17 PM

Hey Chalcot,
Welcome, I’m always interested when someone from England pops up, I live in Bedfordshire, and have been visiting the site since August last year. I too was very glad to find it, as we don’t have anything like it here, and the advice and support we get from Diana and the girls is unbeatable. Come over to Cafe Gray and meet everyone, you could start on Newbies 10, believe me , you’ll have a ‘grayt’ time!

Posted by Chrissy on 02/22 at 04:36 AM