I was still a teenager when I got my first gray hair in my dark brown mane. I was hardly surprised. The arrival of gray before the second decade of life is not unusual in my Irish-American clan. My mother got her first gray hair at age nine and was completely white- haired by 40. The family gray is so predominant that our regular reunions are called the "Gray Hare Classics," to which we wear tacky t-shirts sporting gray rabbits. As my 45 year-old husband, who has yet to sprout a single gray hair, dryly notes about these gatherings: "You can certainly tell who was born into the family and who married in."
But my lack of surprise at graying did not translate into acceptance of it for many years. Although I always thought my Mom and the rest of the "Hares" were beautiful and striking, I wasn't ready to be seen as significantly older than I was. Even though I had a young face and body, I feared that all people would see was the gray hair and automatically assume I was at least a decade older than my real age. So I colored my hair regularly for 20 years.
After a few home coloring disasters, I knew that my unusual hair was a challenge that needed to be approached with care. Therefore, I chose top salons for my business. And what a business it was. Every three weeks, a two hour appointment that ran north of $150, plus tips. That adds up to a shocking $52,000 spent to hide my gray over the years. No wonder I was always greeted with a smile and offered a "free" coffee. Worse for me to contemplate is the 693 hours I spent in a hairdresser's chair, my scalp itching and my nose twitching from the fumes.
Still, I remained a faithful and committed salon color slave through thick and thin. I ensured that the roots never showed, timing coloring appointments around all manner of occasions, including the scheduled (for medical, not hair reasons) births of my three children. Once, I even walked a good distance through a terrible snowstorm to the salon because the streets were closed for the snow emergency. I was the only customer to make her appointment that morning!
I had many, many conversations with my sister (the only other person close to my age in the same gray boat) about when to stop coloring. She and I would complain at length about the expense and hassle and the sometimes less-than-perfect results, but we would always conclude that we weren't ready to stop coloring, "yet."
Imagine, then, my surprise when shortly after my 43rd birthday, I woke up and said to my husband "I'm done." I didn't know why I had suddenly become ready to go gray when just the day before the very thought horrified me. But I was sure of my decision. As a friend's mother once told me, deciding to go gray was a lot like deciding to put a sick dog down: you will just know when the time is right.
I knew when I decided to put my head out of its misery that the resulting change would generate some interest among my friends and family. What I didn't know is that it would generate interest among a much wider group of beauty commentators, and that many would feel free to share even negative opinions.
I was shocked the first time I was heckled. I was about two months into my color-free life and had just gotten out of my car to do some shopping at a local strip mall. I heard shouting, and looking in the direction of the sound, I saw a man standing in front of a salon about 100 yards away. I quickly realized that he was shouting at me, and called out "WHAT?" He responded, loudly and clearly, "I SAID, I CAN COLOR YOUR HAIR!" It was too hard and complicated to yell back "I'M SURE YOU CAN, BUT I'M ON A VOYAGE TO A WHOLE NEW ME, AND IT DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU." So instead, I simply turned my back to him.
Another early comment was from a dear, hypochondriac friend who asked, with great concern, "Michele, are you ill?" I decided the fact that she could only understand a decision to stop coloring if it were a medical necessity was a reflection on her and not an indication that I looked sickly.
Since then, I've heard all sorts of comments and have come to realize that my hair is now a screen on which many women project their own anxieties about aging. Thus, I've heard more than once:
Because I think it looks beautiful. I know they don't share this opinion, or they wouldn't ask this question. That's ok, though, I don't take it personally. I think these ladies just can't imagine any sign of aging to be beautiful. Pity.
Of course I'm not. I'm 43. I am prematurely graying, not prematurely aging.
In fact, yes. My husband thinks it's pretty and shows self-confidence, which, in turn, is sexy to him. But I don't brag about my wonderful mate when asked this question because the person asking the question may have a less wonderful mate for whom she feels a need to pretend she is still the girl she once was.
My complaints about the time and expense of coloring notwithstanding, this comment always seems funny to me because I'm certainly not a low-maintenance groomer. Since puberty, I have never left the house without doing my hair and make-up. I work out at the gym like an absolute fiend. And I don't hesitate to spend money on my personal appearance. I welcome the free time and extra money that giving up coloring affords me, but I have to admit I'm not using either to catch up on great books or other lofty activities. Let's put it this way: my handbag and shoe collection have grown admirably since I stopped coloring.
This has been said repeatedly although I have never expressed any uncertainty about my decision or any interest in changing it. But I think for many women, the idea that signs of aging are matters that you can choose to accept or fight is very, very comforting.
This suggests that somehow I have an unusually beautiful color of gray. Maybe that's true. But, as I tell ladies who say this, the only way to know whether your hair shares this same lovely quality is to stop coloring, too.
I have come to realize that my decision to stop coloring is nothing short of radical in our youth-oriented culture. Nora Ephron's hilarious book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, details the lengths that most women go to remain as young-looking as they can. But I reject Ms. Ephron's description of hair color as the most powerful weapon aging women have against our youth culture.
Coloring your hair is not a fight against youth culture; it's the ultimate acceptance of that culture. I've decided a more powerful weapon in this fight is to own the beauty of aging. That's why, I think, that I've in fact received many more positive comments on my gray hair than the negative ones. In fact, I am complimented almost daily on my hair (which $52,000 never bought me).
Such compliments are lovely to receive. But they aren't why I feel so good about my gray hair. Many women joke that they can't remember what their natural hair color is. For me, that wasn't really a joke. After years of coloring, I had what I think of as the "hair uniform” for (formerly) brunette women my age -- long, layered medium brown hair with lots of blonde highlights. It was a far cry from my true coloring, and over time, it just began to feel a far cry from my true self.
Now when I look in the mirror, here's what I see: me. I know that some people can't see me past the gray hair. That's ok. Although I am young for gray hair, I am old enough now that I can feel good about my appearance even if not everyone shares my opinion.
Pretty radical, huh?
Michele is a wife, mother of three children, and full-time lawyer in Washington DC. She enjoys waving her gray flag in all of these roles!
Hi Michele,Thankyou for your story,Your hair color is so much like mine coming in.I have not colored for 5mos in june.I also am Irish desent,My Mom would always say,It was the Irish curse,that I went grey so young.I have been coloring forever.I am 53,and I am loving each day,with more silver coming in.Now I do not agree,with my Mom,who is still coloring at almost 84.Also,thankyou Diana,I enyoyed reading Michele story. Ruth 
Posted by on 05/30 at 11:58 AM
Thanks Ruth! Enjoy your gray hair and be glad that you will not be burdened with the need to keep coloring at 84! Mivhrlr
Posted by on 05/30 at 01:47 PM
thanks for sharing!!! i love these stories about every womens journey to “graydom”...there is such a common thread with all of us… FREEDOM!!! self confidence...no fear of aging on this end either...i have said it here before ...I HAVE BEEN 30 ... it was fun ... i think the last thing our daughters really truly want to hear is this is your mom??? i thought you were sisters...first of all...really...it’s just not true...once you look PAST the dyed hair!!!
anyway thanks again ..
Posted by on 05/30 at 02:43 PM
Michele- Thank you so much for telling your story. I am always struck by how, even though we take different roads, end up with so much in common in this silver journey. You are most certainly a beautiful woman & silver inspiration! Thank you! (Thank you too, Diana, for GGLG. A silver platform from which we can dream dreams, and aspire to change stereotypes everywhere!)
Posted by on 05/30 at 03:03 PM
Whatta mean “tacky t-shirts” ?
Posted by on 05/30 at 03:14 PM
Hi Michele. Thank you for your interesting and well written story. I think you look really beautiful with the gray hair. Not as in beautiful for a middle aged woman, or beautiful for a woman with gray hair. Just beautiful. I’m sure you’d also be very pretty with another colour, but honestly, can you really top that gorgeous silver?
Cheers from DownUnder
Posted by on 05/30 at 04:33 PM
Thank-you for this wonderful, interesting story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! There have been many moments when I have thought of getting out the calculator and seeing just how much money I personally spent on hair colouring but I am afraid to find out!! 
Posted by on 05/30 at 04:39 PM
Dear Michele’
You are beautiful!
Love, Mom
Posted by on 05/30 at 04:48 PM
Thanks to all who commented, including my beautiful silver-haired Mom and inspiration! Michele
Posted by on 05/30 at 06:57 PM
Thank you, Michele. Beautifully written! I believe any of the GGLG ladies can identify with what you have said. I certainly have heard the same comments, although I did not get heckled. Now that I have almost no dye left and have gone with the Pixie, the compliments are starting to role in. It feels pretty good!
Being from just outside of DC, I have to say that this town has quite a few beautiful silver haired women. Maybe I’m more aware of it now. Do you see many lawyers who have given up the dye?
Posted by on 05/31 at 06:42 AM
Michelle, Thank you for sharing - Whenever I am sometimes feeling bad about myself or just kind of blue I like coming to this website to find inspiration - your article is just what I needed.
Posted by on 05/31 at 07:48 AM
Silvercurl, I know some, but not many, women lawyers in DC who let their gray hair show. But they are definitely a rarity. I don’t think that has anything to do with the profession, though. Youth is not as highly prized as in the legal profession as in others, and most clients would probably prefer that their lawyer looks experienced. I think women lawyers color their hair for the same reasons most women color their hair—they think it makes them look younger.
Posted by on 05/31 at 07:48 AM
Glad I could give you a little boost, Grayme!
Posted by on 05/31 at 07:49 AM
Michelle, I just reread some of your article - I like the part that you mentioned your husband liking your hair - so does mine and he can’t understand why I do not see me like he sees me (I hope that makes sense.) He says that I am too hard on myself.
Posted by on 05/31 at 07:51 AM
Grayme, although my whole point in the article is about not looking to others for affirmation about your appearance, I do think it’s a very good idea to keep in mind loving comments made by loved ones when looking in the mirror. So, when you look in the mirror, just imagine your husband saying how great you look.
Posted by on 05/31 at 08:10 AM
Grayme,
You are being too hard on yourself, but I experienced the same thing. I received so much affirmation from my friends and family, but it wasn’t until I came to this website and read all the wonderful stories and met Dede, Greeneyes and Judy at the Texas Silver Sisters “event” that I started feeling so much better. I see all these beautiful women and I think to myself, “I’m being too hard on myself”. It took a little time, but I am proud to say that all my boxes of color are gone, gone, gone. You’ll get there… tomorrow is another day.
Posted by on 05/31 at 09:35 AM
Michelle - Thanks for sharing your story. I also colored my hair for years, though my mom never has, and she is a beautiful white. I wish I hadn’t let others’ opinions influence me for so many years! I’m so glad to wear my true colors now and like you, look into the mirror and see me! :o)
Posted by on 05/31 at 11:38 AM
When I was younger I completely dismissed gray hair and if forced to have an opinion I would have said ugh. I was quite prone to the odd “ Nothing there that a box of hair colour can’t fix” type comment. It’s just a way of seeing things don’t you think? I see more bad gray hair than good, to be honest. Its just when it looks good, its look SSSOO good. Like nothing else. I guess that’s what I"m hoping for! also tend to agree with some of the posts above. I know for a fact that I’m too hard on myself. My hubbie thinks I’ll look hot with gray hair. That might be pushing it but it’s nice to know, anyway.
Posted by on 05/31 at 09:12 PM
That’s why it’s up to all of us to set examples! If you see “more bad gray hair than good,” it’s because these women are in the dark about how to shape it, style it, and keep it shining. Something a GGLGer would never do, right? 
I truly think some women buy into the “I’ve gone gray and that’s that” myth. They don’t “work it,” they don’t experiment with new makeup shades and new wardrobe colors, they just stop. But it’s usually an older generation that’s doing that. I say, we never stop evolving, but we can always stay beautiful.
Posted by on 06/01 at 05:54 AM
Hear, hear Diana! Just because we’re gray doesn’t mean we should go lax on looking beautiful. I’ve certainly received my share of comments like Michelle but the compliments certainly do outweigh them. And, Michelle—you’re certainly rockin’ the gray hair—you look fantastic!
Posted by on 06/01 at 08:23 AM
I agree wholeheartedly with Diana and wardrobe 911. BTW, Wardrobe, right back at you! I love your series on your website and think you look gorgeous. Also, I love your website!
Posted by on 06/01 at 09:19 AM
I think it’s a bit deeper than that, socially speaking. Traditionally, NOT ALWAYS, but typically, the sort of women who really care about the way that they look have dyed their hair. Just look around. Most of the women with gray hair also tend to be a bit on the frumpy side. Not trying to start a war here, but be honest, I’m right,yeah? Its always sortof gone hand in hand, which is why there are so few role models. And note, when we do talk about the role models, they’re NOT aunt bea. Even I know who Aunt Bea is and I grew up in Australia! No, we sight Emmylou Harris (hot singer) Helen MIrren (hot actress) and the models...sorry not quite sure of the names...Yasima Rossi? and a few others. But the woman on the street, for the most part, the hotties colour their hair and the ones who don’t for the most part seem to be not bothering too much with any of it. I guess that I"m saying that the women who look hot with the gray hair, are usually hot to begin with. They don’t suddenly become hot with gray hair, but they don’t suddenly completely let it all go to hell in a handbag,either. I think that this is getting to the deeper truth of the matter and the reason why this board even exists. You don’t see too many boards about blonde hair that are ‘support’ boards. Why do we need support at all if it’s just another hair colour?? I think, partly at least because most women who have gray hair are NOT rocking it. They’re not being political. They’re not interested necessarily in being their authentic selves etc.. They really just can’t be bothered with any of it. So, the women on this board, who obviously DO care, don’t want to be associated with that. Just my two cents worth.
Posted by on 06/01 at 03:30 PM
I always like a good debate. There’s one word I agree with, Joan, and that’s “traditionally.” Yes, we were all brought up associating dyed or bleached hair with “taking care” of ourselves. We had a couple of generations of role models, but that’s it, at best. It all started in the ‘50’s. Before then, women who colored their hair were looked upon as hussies. But then came the era of Marilyn Monroe, platinum blondes, and “Do blondes have more fun?” The home haircoloring market took off like a rocket. Interestingly, it is now on the decline.
But I disagree with “the most part”—that the “hotties” color their hair and the ones who don’t don’t bother. Social standards are changing once again. For one thing, there’s the green movement. Chemicals of all kinds are now being called into question. For another thing, models and actresses may be leading the way once again, but “real” women, from all walks of life and from all over the world are discovering that natural beauty is just as valid, if not more so, than artificial beauty.
The purpose of this site is to give women a choice, once again. Pure and simple. If it takes support and encouragement, so be it. But times are changing, and women are re-learning lessons that a few generations wiped out with a bottle of hate-that-gray-wash-it-away Lady Clairol. For us, it is a conscious decision, it’s not that we can’t be bothered—it’s that we ARE bothered, we are concerned. We’re concerned about our health, we’re concerned about the lessons we’re teaching our daughters, we’re concerned about accepting a standard of beauty that is unrealistic, at best. And we’re actively doing something about it.
It’s those who aren’t bothered, who wish to continue altering their haircolor, that continue the traditions learned at mother’s knee. And if that works for them, it’s fine, too. We’re certainly not going to disassociate from them. Nor from the women who go gray without “rocking it.” In fact, that sets up an artificial standard, too. Every woman makes a choice. We’re here because we choose to do it well.
Posted by on 06/01 at 08:10 PM
Hello Michele
Our stories are very similar. I’ve been natural for over a year now and I love my hair. At 45 I’m in the minority with my silver locks but I don’t mind that, I have no desire to fit in with everybody else.
Great article.
Sharon
Posted by on 06/02 at 02:06 AM
loved the article MIchele! Helen
Posted by on 06/02 at 02:43 AM
Michele, great story. Bravo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diana, your response to Joan Dark’s comments was restrained, elegant and diplomatic. Bravo!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joan, oh come on now. You are here to start a war and we know it - considering your inflammatory comments and knowing who your audience is. I wonder why? Better luck next time!
You aren’t right about anything you said! Why are you here?
Honey, I’ve got white hair, dress to the nines, take care of every aspect of my life, and I’m ‘rocking it’ so much I just fell down.
Barbara
Posted by on 06/02 at 04:57 PM
Wait a minute—there’s no war going on here! Every woman’s opinion is respected, and honesty is valued. If someone feels a certain way, that’s their true and honest feelings. There is always room for discussion, rather than confrontation.
Posted by on 06/02 at 05:49 PM
I agree, no war here. The great pleasure for me in having this article posted is to hear the views of commenters. It seems to me that Joan Dark is observing that in days past, gray hair was a choice made by those who generally didn’t bother much with their appearance. What Diana observed is that these days, some of us are choosing gray not because we are giving up but because we realize that gray hair can be an elegant complement to our overall style. So I think what we all agree on here is that we are happy with our decision to go gray and we think it’s beautiful. Wonderful!
Posted by on 06/02 at 06:21 PM
Michelle
Thanks for your story. I loved reading it. We are the same age. I let my hair go gray before and coloured it again under some social pressure. Now I am in the transition stage of this process. I have had several comments but that is okay.
Though I was shocked at how much you spent on your hair every 3 weeks WOW .
I do not think there is a war here either. I think that joan dark had some really good points. Yes times are changeing but the majority of women I know dye their hair and believe gray is old and awful. I had one mom last night say you did your hair again. I said yes I am letting the gray grow in ( as if she could not tell) she looked totally shocked and said “ I thought you were kidding when you said that! “ hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Though you do see more gray around and sometimes it is fantastic looking and other times it is not. But really that is not any different than the good dye jobs we see and the really really bad ones. LOL
Katie
Posted by on 06/03 at 04:38 AM
Hi Katie,
I agree - the amount I spent on coloring is shocking. But it’s pretty standard in my area. I think it is even worse in NYC. The $150 is an average amount, adjusted for inflation (when I started coloring in DC many years ago, it was about $75 a pop) and includes the cost of blow drying and occasional highlighting. But every 3 weeks is a precise figure. Any longer, and the roots were very noticeable.
How much did ladies here spend on salon color?
Michele
Posted by on 06/03 at 05:49 AM
i agree joan dark you make some good points...it is all about perception thanks to the media ( hollywood/the magazines including people and redbook etc...and society in general) GRAY=OLD ...i admit i used to feel that way...i used to say i am not “ready” to be gray ... i grew up with older parents so i had a different perspective of age but there were times i would go to a friends house and there parents were the same age as my sister!!! and some kids would ask if i lived with my grandparents… that was in the 60’s ..my mom was an extremely stylish gray haired lady but she was GRAY ...she never colored her hair never even thought about it...same with my sister but me?? well i caved ....i think in my mind gray hair was associated with “earth mothers and hippies” and some of those types were associated with those people that still wanted to be hanging out on haight/ashbury in san francisco...and now we are women with careers trying to make it in a mans world...bla bla bla...it’s funny how we come full circle and think ahh the heck with that i’d like to really be ME !!!
Posted by on 06/03 at 05:55 AM
Michele, I am from Canada, 20 minutes from the Falls. At our local mall we have two rather “trendy” hair salons and their prices are pretty much comparable. When I was colouring and highlighting (8 highlights only) it was costing me $125.00. Now this also included the cut and blow dry. I also was having to do my hair every 3 to 4 weeks, it was like the “dog chasing his tail” so to speak, this was not going to end! I still haven’t got my calculator out yet, not sure if I’m ready for that “reality check!” 
In Toronto (about a 45 minute drive North) the salon prices are considerably higher!!!
Posted by on 06/03 at 06:17 AM
Oh, I forgot to mention that the $125.00 did not include the base colour, I usually did that myself at home for about $10.00. I used Loreal Preference most times. If I had the stylist do my base colour it was an extra $45.00!!!!!
Posted by on 06/03 at 06:22 AM
Michelle and Lulubell. WOW is all I have to say.
I dyed my own hair after a few years at salon. It always looked as good as when she did it. I live in a small community and the woman I use is often. The girls and I can all go for a haircut together and it is $50 for the 3 of us. IS THAT NOT GREAT. I spend more money each month on a pedicure than my hair LOL LOL.
WOW is all I have to say AGAIN lol lol.
Katie
Posted by on 06/03 at 06:40 AM
WOW is all I have say Katie, lucky you!! I had far too many “incidents” 
when I tried to get “too fancy” with at home kits. When it came to highlights I just threw in the towel and went to the salon to save myself from myself! 
Posted by on 06/03 at 06:59 AM
Hi Michele ... I love your story here and I agree that you look beautiful with your gray! You have the self confidence and style that it takes to really rock the silver! Thank you so much for sharing!
I also have to agree on some level with Joan Dark and do not at all think she is here to start a war. She is also going gray if I remember correctly having seen her post on other threads. And then there is Diana’s response to her comments ... all great thoughts to consider!
I do think that Joan also has some valid points. Until now, most of the women I saw who let their hair go gray were simply not into the whole beauty regime. But, that’s where this site and book comes into play. Going gray simply doesn’t have to mean you are letting yourself go or not taking care of yourself. In fact, by choosing to go natural, we are now taking BETTER care of ourselves by not polluting our scalp and systems with the chemicals that hair dyes contain. It BUGS me big time when anyone suggests that not dying = not taking care of yourself! I think being “HOT” is so much more than what color your hair is anyway. It’s the inner self confidence shining through ... it’s the way one carries themself ... it’s intelligence ... it’s a sense of style and looking put together ... it’s a great haircut ... it’s treating others with love and respect ... it’s a million different things all rolled into one! Now that’s HOT!
Posted by on 06/03 at 07:25 AM
I did my own root touch-ups too. They always turned out really great. Nobody “knew” I was dying my hair, unless of coarse the people closest to me. I’d only go for lowlights about twice a year. After seeing how much icy white I have, it’s no wonder I’d have to have lowlights to “darken” it up a bit. Makes me wonder when I turned so white, how many years ago. I just know the dye wasn’t taking very well. Duh!! But, when I did go for my lowlights,plus a wash and cut it would run me about $125 with a generous tip. I’d also put on the base color the day before to save a little $$.
Posted by on 06/03 at 07:30 AM
BTW, Michelle, loved your story. Thanks for sharing. You definitely look fabulous with your natural silver mane. It truly amazes me the insensitive things some poeple will boldly say. It really does say more about the person saying it than anything else. Have to say, I totally agree with grayincali and her assessment of what being “hot” is. Preach it sister!
Posted by on 06/03 at 07:37 AM
Hello Grayincali, long time no hear! Great comment, you hit the nail on the “silver” head! How are you?? Your hair must be quite a bit longer by now!
Posted by on 06/03 at 07:39 AM
Hi Lulubell! I am great thanks! And you?
I know I have been very absent from GGLG! I am trying really hard to be more focused on things around my house that need attention. Plus, we are in the last couple weeks of school here and that’s keeping me busy too! I am ready for summer and the leisure that comes with it even though we have lots of fun things planned as far as summer activities go.
My hair is definitely growing and I really like it more and more. I bet yours is growing too! Just recently I went in for a trim on my bangs and just a little off the back to even it up. I’m trying to let the sides catch up with the back but still keeping some layers. Even my young, uber-trendy stylist commented that my hair is growing and looking good.
I have to say, it still surprises me when someone comments on my hair looking nice. I think after so many years of being drilled with the “one must color her hair or shrivel up and die somewhere” it’s really refreshing and fun to see that idea shifting in society. I think so many women and men believed all the hype that you could not look good if you did not color. Somewhere deep down I admit that even I thought on some level that was true ... you know, I’d stop coloring and somehow become a little invisible with the gray. I think that’s why so many women just aren’t ready to go there yet. But, I am happy to report that, like Joan Dark said, if you’re hot, you’re hot! LOL! I sound pretty full of myself, sorry ... it’s that self confidence brimming over ... wink, wink!
Now if I can make it through my mom’s visit in a week and a half. She’s a committed colorer and thinks it makes her look a lot younger. I am dreading picking her up at the airport b/c I know we’ll be driving down the freeway with her inspecting my hair out of the corner of her eye. She’s going to be sizing me up I just know it. I hate that, but she can think what she will. As she said herself, it’s a matter of personal choice. I won’t judge her for coloring and hope that she will afford me the same respect! Wish me luck!
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:02 AM
Yup, grayincali hit the “hot” spot! Great definition of what it truly is all about. And, you know, although Joan suggested that all models were “hotties” to begin with, the ones I know wouldn’t think so. Yeah, on a shoot, they make up well. But they have so much more shining through, so much more going on inside, that that’s what the camera sees. Their true beauty. Gracious, friendly, loving. And that’s what all of us can show to the world.
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:04 AM
P.S. - I didn’t mention, but I haven’t seen my mom in person since last August! That’s around the time I had just stopped coloring. She’s only seen me in pics ... should be interesting!
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:05 AM
grayincali~ I think you look fabulous! As for your Mom, you are both entitled to your own opinion. But, for some reason, it is harder when it’s your Mom who doesn’t agree with your decision. But, “it is what it is”. Your Mom is still going to love you and vice versa regardless of what color your hair is. An updated picture would be great when you get a chance. You know how we love pictures. 
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:12 AM
I find all this “hotness” very interesting. My sister, who is a vivacious, platinum blond & I go places together on a regular basis. In fact, it was she who went with me when I had my Oprah makeover.
Sure she gets the catcalls & much oogling. She loves it. Expects it even. I guess that’s just not my style. Maybe I’m a little more cynical about it. Catcalls and oogling over my perceived “hotness” feels cheap to me. One of sexiest compliments I ever received was when a man told me I was the most intelligent woman he has ever met. This man is highly educated. I never went to college. That man is my husband.
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:26 AM
Oooh, touché, Goldie! You’re absolutely right. Think about it, why is “hotness” hot? Now that’s an existential question if I ever heard one. Isn’t what’s inside (and that includes the brain) better? There is no doubt women like to be perceived as attractive, but hot? I truly blame our celebrity-focused culture for that. Too many “hotties,” too little mind.
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:43 AM
There you go, Goldie. That’s my idea of “hot”. I’ve never been comfortable with the kind of attention you describe that your sister gets either. I’ve certainly gotten my share over the years but it really was more of an embarassment to me than what I would consider a compliment. I know what is really behind the intent of that kind of attention. It’s not really genuine and nothing I’ve ever looked for. I guess the word “hot” is not what it’s cracked up to be. My definition of “hot” implies confident and that’s sexy. You can be sexy without the “sex” aspect. The catcalls and oogling is the sex aspect. Does that make sense? Not sure I’m wording it correctly.
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:46 AM
Diana~ exactly what I was trying to say.....
Posted by on 06/03 at 08:48 AM
Yep, that pretty much sums it up Goldie. A couple of weeks ago I was at a Memorial Day back yard barbeque and this guy there made eye contact with me and embarrassed me and himself by making a rather lewd gesture ... I’ll leave it at that. The nerve though ... good grief. I’m sure his alcohol level would not have been within legal limits if that’s any excuse! Anyway, I’ve always found the catcalling and that kind of attention just plain degrading and really embarrassing. I am pretty much the queen of the red face! My husband used to like to try to make me blush and, trust me, it wasn’t hard. Sure, I like to “look” my best, but I’d rather be known as a nice person with some substance upstairs. That’s attractive or “hot” in my book! My husband also appreciates an intelligent women. I love what your husband told you! Now that is the ultimate compliment!
Posted by on 06/03 at 09:01 AM
Wow, I just caught up on the discussions going on here the last couple of days, and I really enjoyed reading everyone’s opinions. You all have made such great points, that I don’t have anything to add. I love that we have this website to bounce these ideas off each other. Thanks for everyone’s input!!
Posted by on 06/03 at 09:29 AM
Hey RunnerGal, how the heck are you???? Just like Grayincali, long time no hear! Being a “retired person” I do understand how busy all of you hard working girls are, it wasn’t too long ago that I walked (or ran that is ) in your shoes! Now I get to choose, for the most part, when to be “too busy!” Like you, I love reading all the opinions, most of the time the words seem to be plucked right out of my own mouth!
Posted by on 06/03 at 09:41 AM
I was just about to say that, RunnerGal. I love these discussions. I find them so much more fascinating than root-talk. Although that’s a part of all this, I think when we truly share what ELSE is on our minds, it’s very stimulating. Thanks to you all for this open and frank discussion.
Posted by on 06/03 at 10:41 AM
Hi Lulubell! Yes, I’m still here! I just haven’t been as vocal lately. I’m growing as fast as I can, but I STILL have about 4 inches of old dyed, fried, fading, orangy ends (enough adjectives for ya?) left. But I’m really enjoying my natural color. My newest challenge is growing out my bangs, but it’s not as hard as I thought it would be. I still long for the day I get to be a newbie graduate, but I’m pretty happy with where I am. I need to send in a new photo, I’m just afraid it won’t look any different than my last photo. I’ll have to see. I’d love to see a new photo of you too!!
Posted by on 06/03 at 11:04 AM
Just think, you get to have a whole page to yourself RunnerGa!l Like you I don’t think I look much different than I do in the Grad Gallery. I went and had a “shape-up” in early May, my first cut since the “infamous” crop that I got in late December. It looks much the same, perhaps a touch bit longer. Good luck with the bangs!
Posted by on 06/03 at 12:26 PM
"Of course I’m not. I’m 43. I am prematurely graying, not prematurely aging.”
I love this! I have a co-worker that’s younger than me (I’m 46, she’s 38) who insisted on telling me that I needed to color my hair...that I was too young for the gray. She did so in a “girlfriend-ly” way and I’m sure she thought that I’d take her advice to heart and appreciate her concern. Now she says she’s starting to like it. I’m not sure what changed her mind....
I think its important for us to be authentic and “own” the look. Gray is beautiful, especially if the woman wearing it does it with style and grace!
Congrats Michelle!
Posted by on 06/04 at 04:12 PM
Sara
I love your hair. I too am 43. I am in transition with a short haircut and the gray coming through . I had 2 huge compliments last night that I looked great. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. Though I did get asked if I lost weight LMAO. So I think when we are gray and hip we look more natural. Lets face it. That is the way to look.
That is interesting that your co-worker is liking your hair now. I think once people are used to the change they just see you as you and love how you look and how confident you are. Because no matter what people say. To let your hair go gray you have to be a strong woman. And strong women ROCK!
Katie
Posted by on 06/05 at 04:41 AM
Katie,
Interesting. Speaking of ROCKING...I’ve had two people tell me I look like a rocker...like I belong in a rock band.....I’m a mother of three...a nurse...I love classical music...but now with my short gray hair they think I look like a “rocker”. Never in all my years with short hair did I rate as a “rocker”! I love the feedback and I take it as a compliment. 
Posted by on 06/05 at 05:05 AM
yea sara you gotta learn the billy idol sneer....
Posted by on 06/05 at 05:11 AM
Sara
LOL you do kind of look like you could be a rocker. But that is a total compliment. Meaning you look hip and not the stereotypical old gray. THAT is so funny. Did you tell your kids.
How old are your children ? I have two girls 14 and 15 years old
Katie
Posted by on 06/05 at 05:58 AM
Katie,
My girls are 23, 21, and 16. But everyone is home this summer so it’s kind of like the old days. In August things will quiet down again (!).
Posted by on 06/05 at 06:04 AM
WOW you started young. Good for you. My oldest is 16 in October. They are done school later this month.
I can imagine how your house must be with 3 girls LOL. Poor hubby.
Do they love your hair? Were they shocked?
Katie
Posted by on 06/05 at 06:08 AM
Michele, I receive way more compliments on my gray and none on my colored dark brown hair. 
Posted by on 07/02 at 02:55 AM
yes I believe that. I was thinking ... I have never seen a man with died hair that looks good - to me it always looks ridiculous and fake. That’s how I ‘ve been feeling about my own brown tinted hair for a long time now. When we had natural blond, red or brown hair did we ever think that it didn’t “go” with our complexion? I don’t think so, we may have dyed it for other reasons but not that one. So I want to trust my faith in nature and see if the greying hair is the perfect match with the changing complexion. I want to be able to see my reflection in the mirror without feeling oops what’s not right. Just look and feel “nice” - easy on the eye, not trying to look HOT. By the way, Joan Dark I think that most of the ladies that find this site have already made up their minds to go grey and are looking for the best advice on the procedure. Here your’re right, we do find much more, and that is the support and encouragement that maybe we don’t have in our own environment plus we are able to share other peoples experience to help us do something in the best possible way, that we would have done anyway.
katie
Posted by on 07/11 at 07:45 AM
Dear Michelle: Your lovely natural hair looks stunning. I also get many more complements with my silvery frosted hair than with the phony brown color I used to wear. Speaking of genetics, I think that Italians also gray early. I remember that my Dad’s Sicilian family seemed to all gray early, and I myself found my first gray hair at 24. What a relief to be ourselves!
Posted by on 12/23 at 03:08 PM
I have been sitting here for the last thirty minutes reading all the letters and comments about going gray. So glad we have this site to share our thoughts. My daughter lives in Florida and I live in Ohio, I just recently told her ,over the phone, that I was ‘going gray’. I didn’t hear a word and asked if she was still breathing. She finally admitted that her initial thought was..well, Mom is letting herself go. She also associated gray with not caring about oneself. The next day she called me and said that after discussing my decision with her girlfriends they assured her that I was ‘cool’as a blonde I’ll be ‘cool’ with gray hair! Nice to know that my personality doesn’t come out of a hair color box! Thanks GGLG...love this site! lindyk
Posted by on 01/01 at 05:14 PM
Hi lindyk, my daughters were also very skeptical when I decided to lose the dyed hair, Now they love it and never miss an opportunity to show me their sliver streaks! My eldest daughter plans to let her silvers keep right on coming in with no intentions of covering them up. My youngest daughter only adds highlights or lowlights, no overall color whatsoever. Your daughter will soon see for herself just how lovely your long curls will look in “silver!”
Posted by on 01/01 at 05:30 PM
Glad GGLG will keep you going, lindyk, and that’s precisely the point made here and in the book—you’re still going to be YOU! You should tell your daughter to come to this site if she even THINKS going gray means letting yourself go!
Posted by on 01/01 at 10:15 PM
Great article! I enjoyed reading about your perspective.
Plus, your dimple just makes your look even more lovely! Great haircut and jewelry.
Barbara
Posted by on 01/01 at 10:26 PM
Hi Michele,
I’ve never found this section before-just shows how long it takes to get to know this site!, and like lindyk I’ve just spent 30 minutes reading it all. Great article and a great debate that was sparked off by it.
Posted by on 01/02 at 03:24 AM
That’s precisely why I put this up in the homepage header! There are just so many areas of the site with little “nuggets” that everyone should really go exploring! It’s fun to find something that really resonates with your own thoughts.
Posted by on 01/02 at 07:24 AM
lindyk
i love your daughters “reaction” it reminds me of my kids reaction!!! they were all a bit skeptical...but now they sing a different tune!! like lulubell said about one of her daughters...my daughter also said she will NOT color her hair ...See what we have started with the help of our own color czar...the great and powerful OZ ....GRAY IS A COLOR !!!
Posted by on 01/02 at 08:19 AM
What a great article! I started going gray in my 20’s and by the time my 30’s hit it was in full swing. As I am married to a younger guy I colored and colored for the sake of looking well younger. Actally I have a young face and nice skin so I really don’t look my age. I have decided though to give up coloring as I am interested to see how much gray I actually have, and it is also much less hassle. I don’t really care what other people think anymore although one of my co-workers insists that I should color my hair so that I can “look younger and more beautiful and be more appealing to my husband”. BAH! Now my mom is probably 80% or more gray and in her 60’s but she never misses coloring her hair a bright red. Seriously?! She also wears 4 inch heels, mini skirts, and size 0 pants… I haven’t seen her in almost 2 years so she will freak when she sees me, she always thought I was too frumpy before, and now that my hair will be graying she I am sure will try talking me into coloring it for our whole visit. Oh well gotta be me… love and light silver sisters!
Posted by on 02/25 at 10:00 AM
Wow, one of the benefits of being laid off from my job is having the time to read grayt articles like Michele’s. (It took me only 4 months to find it!) Thanks for the wonderful insights, Michele, OZ and all post-ers.
I always write down little quips and quotes on the backs of my former business cards (gotta recycle them somehow). I especially loved two from the above discussion thread that are worth repeating (especially for me as I transition):
From Michele: “Gray hair is an elegant complement to our overall style.”
From lindyk: “Nice to know that my personality doesn’t come out of a hair color box.”
Although I STILL wish it would grow faster....
Posted by on 04/23 at 02:38 PM