Positive Thoughts
Positive Thoughts
Photo © Warner Brothers
It may seem strange to begin an article on Positive Thoughts with the Wicked Witch of the West. Green face aside; she really must do something about that dull, dry gray hair. And those eyebrows! See what we mean about not using a gray pencil?
But to get to positive thoughts, it’s natural to confront a few negatives first. Like why are movie villains portrayed with gray or white hair? Take Cruella De Vil, for instance. Lovingly played by Glenn Close, she still was pretty bad. Like her right brain/left brain white/black hair. Wink your eyes. Which side looks more angelic?
And, of course, Meryl Streep did wonders for white hair when she played über magazine editor Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada. Exuding confidence and power, you still have to admit, she was downright mean.
Fortunately, more men than women portray villains as gray-haired evil do-ers. The list is quite long (yes, there’s a top 50), ranging from Darth Vader (can you consider his helmet “steel gray?”) to Tom Cruise in Collateral. Hey, he makes a pretty neat gray, so take a look.
I don’t know why gray hair is perceived as “evil,” although I believe it probably stems from our earliest visions of witches. But that brings me to more positive thoughts.
Beauty is directly related to personality, joy, generosity of spirit, and an open and accepting attitude to life. If you go gray, and you were a bit witchy before, you’ll still be witchy. Nothing’s going to change that, and you’ll simply add to the myth of gray haired villains.
I like the way Dara Barnes, who posts as greeneyes, said it:
“Beauty comes from within. Of course we do the best with what we have on the outside, as well...but I’ve known some very beautiful women (on the outside) who were very ugly in personality. On the other hand, a woman 10 years older than me, is one of the most beautiful ladies I have even known. The first time I met her, I thought she was a bit heavy, she dressed sorta strange, wore bright make-up - she wasn’t what I would have called pretty. But her smile lit up the room. After knowing her for almost 20 years now, I think how attractive she is. She is one of the kindest, most joy-filled women I have known in my life. And now, I find her beautiful. Someone who met her (years after I had) was mentioning her strange appearance - some of the same thoughts I had in the beginning. It surprised me, because I had forgotten my first impressions.
Long story to say, ALL women can be beautiful by our smiles, our attitudes, and the energy that comes from inside us - AND - we all question our beauty at times, no matter what our hair color.
And about that gray... I have seen far too many beautiful ladies in gray now – no one can convince me it cannot be beautiful.”
Photo © UPI
So while you’re questioning if your hair color is going to change the way people perceive or react to you, keep in mind that YOU aren’t changing. Not on the inside. And that’s what radiates through to the outside. Take a look at Kathy Bates, who starred as a real baddy in Misery. Funny thing is, most of her hair was dark in that film. Today, she’s absolutely radiant with silver-streaked hair.
Then look at Diane Keaton. In the movie Mad Money, she didn’t play a really bad person. Just a down-on-her luck housewife who had to take a janitorial job. OK, at the Federal Reserve, where she hatched a plot with co-workers to remove money marked for demolition. Yes, her hair was streaky gray, and she looked fantastic. Didn’t stick. She showed up at the movie premier back to her old blond-ish color. Not everybody wants to be gray.
But if you do... and when you are... just know that there’s a true, natural beauty inside. A beauty that’s always been there, will continue to be there, and will shine all the more because you’ve discovered just another sparkling facet of yourself. And that’s not a bad thing at all.
hi everyone
i have been thinking about this for well over a year now...and i laugh as i read some ofthe stories with our frinds and families reactions to this decision!! you would think i was choosing to stop wearing clothes or something!!!
what the heck it is only hair..and i am incredibly curious!! my mother was an auburn with fair skin and my sister and i got the italian side (from dad) with the olive skin and dark hair...my mother had a full head of beautiful white hair to her dying day at 92!! where as my father had the s/p on what little hair he had left!!
my husband is greying around the temples and i swore i would not go grey until he had well forget it since his dad at 91 did not go grey until about 8 yrs ago!! so now that i am ready willing and able i feel like “i am woman hear me roar” let’s get on with this transition...patience is NOT my best virtue so i will need advice as we go along…
as soon as i cna figure out how to send a photo i will..in the meantime i love this site and i am ordering the book today!!
ps the only good thing about htis is my hair grows fast and i already wear it short…
here is a fun PS...my youngest son (17) is rather mad at me he told me that now everyone will know that i have been dying my hair!!! oh plese i told him that is no secret!!!
now everywhere i look i see only a “sea of dyed hair”!!!!!!!!
enough i blather on…
lainla
ps it doesn’t help to live in la one of the most youth conscious cities ever!!!
Posted by lainla3 on 08/03 at 12:09 PM
Lainia! You’re the first person to “find” this comment section. It’s rather new, but so are you! I think some of our Members don’t even know it exists yet, so I’m going to put a little announcement on the home page. See? You’re a trailblazer in more ways than going gray!
As far as being a trailblazer in LA, yeah, been there, lived there for awhile. Blonde city. But this phenomenon is catching on all over, so you’ll be a trendsetter as well as a trailblazer! 
Can’t wait for you to send in your pics!
Posted by Diana Jewell on 08/12 at 09:17 AM
justthis morning my husband told me to get ready for the pictures so we can keep a “visual log” soget ready and soon i will send my pics along!!
louann
Posted by lainla3 on 08/12 at 09:54 AM
Hello, nice to see another place in which to comment Diana.
Lainla, I know what you mean about the “sea of dyed hair”. Since I stopped dyeing I’m much more aware of all women’s hair and it is so rare to find a woman of my age (mid 40s) who doesn’t dye. I feel I’m really bucking the trend. The other thing I see everywhere is the little tell tale halo of silver around the hairline.
Sharon
Posted by Sharon on 08/12 at 04:27 PM
i am laughing at the reaction i get from friends who also hide the gray halo!! i am trying tofigure out the whole ‘YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK SO OLD’ as if fake dyed hair is so youthful!!!
anyway this site is so fun i feel like i am in the sorority i never joined!! 
Posted by lainla3 on 08/12 at 09:46 PM
I had to laugh at your comments, louann & sharon. I join you in *consciously* realizing that nearly every woman I see has dyed hair. And hello to you both. I’m new, too. I’m going to send Diana some new photos for the Newbie section.
I stopped at a salon in my office building yesterday for a quick shampoo (had a hot water issue at the house) and the owner says to me as I’m leaned back in the shampoo basin, “I’ve got time. You want me to slap some color on those roots? Get your hair back in shape?” I say, “No way! This is 5-1/2 months of growth. I’m getting rid of my color.” His response was, “Oh. ewww. ugh. You really don’t want to do that. It’s gonna look terrible.” I say, “I think it looks great already and I like it.” He shakes his head and says again, “This is a really bad idea. You should reconsider.” His wife chimes in her agreement. I don’t respond anymore, just close my eyes.
This from a man who is nearly 60, wears his dyed yellow hair
in a short, spiky cut that does not make him look 25 and his wife is of a similar age, wears make-up heavy enough you’d think she was going in front of a camera immediately and has her hair colored a matte copper penny, which is not exactly flattering or youthful looking.
Interestingly, these are the only people who’ve been remotely negative about my gray hair. lol --- Anita
Posted by anita on 08/15 at 09:00 PM
Anita, your story about the salon experience really made me laugh. Well done for standing up to the dreadful salon people. Your description of their hair was very vivid and made me giggle. Isn’t it hilarious how they can criticise your decision yet fail to see how they themselves DO NOT LOOK YOUNGER with their fakery? Ahem, yes ok I did it myself for years too.
I refuse to let any hairdresser who is negative about my decision anywhere near my hair. Back when I was first making the decision to do this a hairdresser said ‘oh my god you’ll look so old’. I decided there and then I would never go to her again. I then found an excellent sylist who was totally supportive and had 3 cuts with her (including the one that got rid of the last of the dye) but unfortunately she has now moved abroad. 
Thanks for brightening my morning Anita,
Sharon
Posted by Sharon on 08/16 at 02:09 AM
Sharon and Anita,
I dont know how i would have handled the old comment from the stylist OR Anita’s shampoo story...You both did the right thing! It is incredibly important to know why we are doing this! No matter what our own reasons are.
I think Diana is right that this IS catching on everywhere. These particular salons are not keeping up. Sooner or later there will be places that specialize in treatments FOR silver/pewter/ice etc. We are actually on the cutting edge of something big. It is weird that pretty much every woman dyes their hair now. It will take a bit of time to change attitudes, because this idea is something new. Really new in that we can love our natural hair..and not be an “old lady”.
I think we can be the trend setters now for steel and silver acceptance! Have you ever noticed how trends catch on? There are so many people with dyed hair now, the whole industry is aching for something different.
I am cutting my hair short this week and I am excited to report what my stylist thinks about the silver. I know he is pro-grey, we shall see if he has read Diana’s book I loaned him.
Posted by ruthmgon on 08/16 at 04:49 AM
I am lucky to have a regular hairdresser who is very supportive of my decision, whether or not she personally agrees with it, and she may not. But that’s not her business. Well, it is, and there are ways to offer an opinion, *assuming* one’s been asked for, that aren’t rude and rapport-breaking as those stylists did.
It’s also important to remember what my hairdresser told me, which is: “You know, people making your decision strike fear in the hearts of us hairdressers.” This of course refers to the assumption, which I believe is going to prove false, that once you (we, those of us going natural NOW as opposed to women who did this even just 20 years ago) stop coloring, that we’re not going to maintain our looks anymore. We’re going to get a trim twice a year and look for a good blue rinse occasionally if we’re feeling frisky. HA!
I have read comments on various blogs and lists from some women who are embracing their gray by setting aside other hair treatments, makeup, heels, certain kinds of clothing, etc., but for me? I’m getting girlier by the the day!
I have every suspicion that I’m going to put plenty of effort into maintaining and enhancing my gray hair just as I did with color. In different ways, of course, but still…
So, next time a hairdresser is less than encouraging, it also pays to remember that some of that negativity is likely coming from a very personal space: worry over their possible loss of income. That’s legitimate for them to be concerned with, but it adds another level of perspective for us when we hear it, I think. --- Anita
Posted by anita on 08/16 at 09:54 AM
that poor witch was green!! but WICKED changed all that feeling about those 2 witches!!
louann
Posted by lainla3 on 11/08 at 08:41 AM
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