Pros? Cons? Qualms? Sometimes what’s going on in your head is as important as what’s going on it!
Posted by on 12/12 at 07:54 AM
Keri,
I really, really enjoyed this post!
You put it all so beautifully and your descriptions ring so true! It really is a wondrous transformation of both our outer and inner selves and at the same time loaded with lots of juxtapositions.
At times it may seem to be all about the hair but isn’t it awesome how this personal evolution can also help us discover or reinforce that we are so much more than our hair!
Posted by on 02/06 at 04:48 PM
Hi Moonchild Keri—You’ve come a long way. I went back and read your first posting (I think) on Jan. 11th, where you were afraid you were letting your hair color define you. It’s not even a month, and now you’re delighting in the you-to-be! This fills me with joy, too! I had the same fascination with the process. If we can all just get by that first month or two, it does become so exciting to see ourselves “evolve.” Your posting was pure poetry! D.
Posted by on 02/07 at 06:24 AM
Just stopped in to the great grays gallery and it’s hopping! The coolest thing is seeing no end to the variety of different but equally gorgeous gray!
Posted by on 03/01 at 05:33 AM
A note on Keri’s comments on 1/11/08:
It was nice to read your forthright note on how you felt. I know there are many others who feel the same way, because I too have always had long, thick, auburn/brown hair. I will also be retiring and taking off for points unknown in a few years. I won’t have the time, the willingness, or the space to carry hair dye in my panniers as I travel through Europe. I can just imagine how Erma Bombeck would joke about the whole concept!
Now, my soul searching has led me back to my “roots” so to speak. I am a rebel at heart, and have done many things in my life to conform to what is deemed more acceptable as it was required. I am five weeks into the waiting game. It’s been nice to peruse this website and read about other triumphs women have! That’s what it is all about! Women helping women.
Happy Day! Mo B
Posted by on 03/11 at 11:49 AM
Hi Mo B—I can’t believe I missed this posting, but want to say Welcome to the Café! You’re so right about us all helping each other—encouragement comes from each and every one of us. (And maybe even Erma from the great beyond!)
Do you still have long auburn/brown hair? Or are you cutting it a little bit? We have a new feature here called “Newbies,” and it’s meant to chronicle a woman’s progress as she goes through transitioning. Hope you’ll consider sending us some pics, because at 5 weeks in, you’re really just beginning your journey. I think we all like to compare notes—some women are going to cut their hair, others are going to use temporary root covers for awhile, some may use demicolor to blend away longer roots. It’s going to be good to see all the different techniques in action. So hope you’ll think about sending in your shots as you go along. Meantime, glad you joined us! D.
Posted by on 03/15 at 05:13 PM
Thanks for the welcome Diana. Yes, I think for my own sake I would like to join in the fun, and hopefully be an inspiration to other ladies who are going gray. It’s been a hard decision for me. Let me give you a brief and exciting update of my 53 years.
I grew up in a great family, with two siblings, and both parents. My father was a sun god, tanning whenever and wherever he could. He is now 89 and has had skin cancer since he was 70, but still sits out on his deck and gets a tan to this day. My mother colored her hair right up to the end of her life, well, until her chemo took her hair. My older sister has always been one to look as young as she can, and does a good job of it I might add. My brother is like dad. So needless to say, I have a lot of vanity around me. I, as I told you earlier, am the family rebel. Hippiedom hit me in the 60’s and 70’s, then on to the 80’s and the big “doo”, perms and every color under the sun. Then the 90’s with the radical haircuts. In between all of that, I tried not to notice that I had gray hair. Did a pretty good job, I might add.
The past 10 years, I grew it out, and went back to the auburn color of my youth. Not wanting to face reality, I kept going a little darker each year to cover the gray. Last month I went to do my touchup, and noticed I only had one bottle of color left. I was fed up with the whole process, so I threw it in the garbage and said that was it! No more color! Take me as I am world!
I am a bit impulsive, and have regretted that decision many times in the past weeks, but my heart says it’s the right decision. After all, why did I do all of that crazy stuff back when I was younger. I still have it in me! I can take back my youth by going gray! Well, sort of. I am going to have some professional help. Don’t think I could stand the skunk line! My plan is to do the lowlights and highlights, and cut it short but still have a little length around my neck and face. If I don’t like it, then off it goes!
If it helps, I can take some pictures for fun. Not sure how to get them to you. Maybe you can help me with that!
ttfn!
Mo B
Posted by on 03/19 at 12:56 PM
Hey Mo B—that was a fun journey through your life! I think the “vanity” that runs in your family is a GOOD thing. (Well, except for the too much sun/skin cancer.) But if we didn’t have a healthy dose of vanity, we’d just let ourselves go and succumb to the worst kind of graying. That’s not us! I think that’s why we’re all here—we want to look good all the way through. And, really, whether it comes to changing your makeup a little, or the colors you wear, there’s a lot you can do as you discover a shining new world of gray. I think the whole thing is an exciting, evolutionary experience. In a sense, you do feel re-born, brand new!
You were very brave to throw out that bottle, and it’s quite natural that you have second thoughts. It’s an unforeseen road ahead, you don’t know the little twists and turns. But if you’re a rebel, you just might like the adventure. And I KNOW you’re going to like being YOU! As you say—take me as I am, world!
So go ahead with your plans—sounds good. You can send pics if you’ve uploaded them into your computer. Just email them to . And we’ll see you in Newbies! Thanks for the fun comments. D.
Posted by on 03/19 at 02:02 PM
I have a great story. My sister and I are going gray together. We live thousands of miles apart but enjoy talking to each other about our hair. She is a stylist and gets many comments from her clients. Her hair is a pretty white but still has some black streaks in it. The young girls come into her shop and ask to have black and white hair like hers. She laughs and tells them maybe in 20 or 30 years.
Posted by on 05/30 at 05:29 AM
I love it! Hey, lovinggray, your pic’s in here. . . think you could convince your sister to send hers in? 
As for the girls wanting black-and-white hair—yeah, good luck! This is a privilege only WE have. Nyah, nyah.
I was intrigued by a blog yesterday that promised “silver hair dye.” Had to look because we all know you can tone your gray, but you can’t top Mother Nature. Anyway, this guy was giving some concocted formula, and in the end said, “You have to be careful because you can turn your hair purple, but that only lasts for about 4 weeks.” 
There’s a lot of really bad information out there.
Posted by on 05/30 at 06:15 AM
Hi Carol,
Men of all ages have far and away been the biggest fans! Can’t believe even men who don’t know me have stepped up with enthusiastic compliments - even during transition!
Now that the transition is officially complete per my stylist ...(yeah)...women are starting to approach with curiosity and questions. While many say they really like it there’s a split between those who are still very tentative about going there themselves and those who are now emboldened to join the ‘club’.
I’m also interested in hearing what others have experienced - great question Carol!
Dawn (aka Morningstar)
Posted by on 05/31 at 05:28 AM
Okay, I’m a newbie here and actually just found this site today. I’ve been thinking about going gray for a couple of years. I had my first gray hair in high school, but didn’t start coloring my hair until I was 31; have now been coloring it myself for the last 13 years and I’m tired of it! My hair is dry and over-chemicaled. My roots are almost white. I’m ready to go for it! My husband says not to do it yet and my daughters (15 and 13) will be mortified. And, I’m going on a family vacation with 25 family members in August! I can’t believe I’m contemplating going on vacation with a skunk stripe! Should I wait? My hair is already short but I’m planning on getting it cut shorter in a few days. Bring the stripe on, I say! I’m anxious to see the real color.
Posted by on 06/02 at 09:43 AM
Here are the reasons I’m going gray:
1. I’m tired of everyone thinking I’m super young. I went somewhere the other day and the woman said, “What, are you 12?” I’m 40 and I deserve the respect that comes with that age!
2. A friend, who just met my husband said, “You know you look a lot younger than your husband, right?”. He’s only 2 years older than me! I want to look RIGHT with him, not look like his daughter!
3. I am sick to death of dyeing!!!!! My hair grows fast and I had to dye it every 2 - 3 weeks. Yuck!
4. My aunt was completely gray by the time she was 30. She looks fabulous! She actually looks like she frosts her hair. I’m hoping I follow in her footsteps.
5. There’s never been a better time to be gray! You see it more and more in the media. More people are accepting it. I feel like I’m getting in on the newest revolution! It’s fun!
6. The more I read about those awful chemicals in hair dye, the more I want to avoid them!
7. I want to look sophisticated, not like a child.
8. I don’t want to be one of those 70 year old women that pretends she doesn’t have gray hair.
9. I’m not a fake person. I want the real me to shine through.
I’ve been telling everyone I meet that I’m “going gray”. Nine times out of ten, they tell me that they are thinking about it too! It’s opened up so many interesting conversations. It really strikes a chord with every woman over 40. I tell EVERYONE about this website! It’s such a wonderful resource and great source of inspiration!!
Posted by on 06/09 at 12:41 PM
Hey RunnerGal—Great reasons—all of ‘em! And thanks for telling people about this site. Welcome to the revolution! 
Glad to have you in Newbies, too!
Posted by on 06/09 at 02:01 PM
Hi Laura,
I have completely enjoyed reading your “list”!!! I love it and I love your attitude! It’s refreshing and inspirational!
I hated being a “slave” to coloring too...it was a blessing in disguise when I had the PPD.
I think I’m going to print out your list and post it on my fridge! Thanks again!
Have a great evening!
Posted by on 06/09 at 02:11 PM
Hi Runnergal
I can very much identify with what you say. On my 40th birthday (complete with long, curly, dyed brown hair) I was asked for ID when I went to buy wine! I’m now 6 months into the process of growing grey and 3 months ago I had one of those ‘back to the wood’ haircuts. Very short, and a bit of a shock to me, but it got rid of ALL the dye and I’m glad I did it.
I don’t know if it is my imagination but I feel people (strangers) treat me differently since I went silver - with more respect. At the age of 44 I finally feel I’m being seen as an adult and I like it. The fact that I’m under 5 feet probably had a lot to do with being seen as very young.
I have never lied about my age the way some women do and I am happy if I look like a woman in her 40s as that is who I am. I feel more ‘me’ now than I have in years.
Oh and the freedom from the hair dye! 30 years of hair dying, I cannot begin to calculate the time and money that I spent on the process (I started to go grey at 15). No more ruined towels and t-shirts from home dye jobs every 2 to 3 weeks.
Sharon
Posted by on 07/01 at 07:56 AM
Hi everyone,
I have been thinking about “ditching the dye” for years. I never had “permanent” color put on my hair. Recently I had a few highlights put in for transition...my first permanent color fix.
One of my concerns is that I don’t think I’m going to have as much gray as I am hoping for. I guess time will tell. I don’t mind the time and expense of coloring but it just seems like a silly thing to do. Also, I have very pale skin and can look washed out, which I think will be more of an issue as I gray. I hate makeup and don’t want to trade hair color for foundation. Most of the women whose pictures are posted are very striking in the looks department. If you look at my newbie pix, you can see that I am a very average 58 year old. Achieving a contemporary gray look is going to be a challenge for me. But, such is life!
On the plus side, I am comfortable in bright colors as long as they are near my face and worn with neutrals. I will be 60 in 18 months and this reinvention is something I am giving myself as a birthday gift. I know it won’t happen overnight. I know who I am and am hoping that I can find a way to get the outside of me to match the inside. I can be a bit of a type “A” so the waiting part is not my strength. However, this site is fabulous. I have also been collecting pix (online) of silver-haired women who inspire me.
I do sometimes wonder what section I should be posting in.....to be honest, the pictures that people send in are my favorite part!!!!
Posted by on 07/24 at 03:51 PM
Diane—I’ll answer the easiest question first. You can post in any section that has a topic you want to speak to. Sometimes you may want to talk about a product you love, so join the discussion in Product Watch. Other times, you may just want to chat with your fellow Newbies. Still others, you may have gotten some comments from Friends & Family, so go there. I find that people cruise all over the chats, they just don’t stay “locked” into one particular section. Besides, most people get notifications of postings, so they can jump right into the discussion wherever you are by clicking on the link. They’ll find you!
I love the idea that you are giving yourself the re-do to celebrate your 60th. It’s pretty far away, so you’ll be “done” by then! You can use the time between now and then to really experiment. Look, nobody is “average!” We find our own gifts, our own best features and play them up for all we’re worth! You say you don’t like foundation. OK, but have you tried the bronzing gels? I tell you, they’re great. Very sheer, so your own natural skin shows through, yet it boosts your color a little if you feel you are paling out with a new frame of gray or white. Some people also like mineral makeup—again very sheer. If you wear blusher at all, you can try these kind of products if you feel your complexion needs a boost. There are so many things to try, without feeling you have to go against who you are—inside and outside!
And, yes, if you want a more contemporary look, you might try a new hairstyle. Just to see if you like it. Giving yourself your own “makeover” at your OWN pace is really fun. I always say NOW is the time to experiment. If not now, when?
If you’ve read the comments posted earlier today, you’ll see that women are discovering whole new facets of themselves, beyond just the change of hair color. That’s really the best part about this whole experience. So I say, just go with it. And watch what happens! Best to you!
Posted by on 07/24 at 04:29 PM
DianeW - Just saw your comment and I had to chime in.
I was pretty disappointed when I first realized I didn’t have white hair! :o) I too am much darker than expected, but now that I am almost finished transitioning - I really like it! As my gray gets longer I am seeing streaks and some have even thought my hair was frosted. A couple of other positive thoughts on being darker - 1) we don’t have as strong of a skunk stripe while transitioning… 2) we aren’t going from colored hair to white, and since we still have color around our face it’s not as drastic all at once. These are the things I’ve used to encourage myself over so much pepper with the salt.
I agree with Diana - absolutely no one is average. Don’t sale yourself short! I have my own stash of great gray pictures and all the ladies have different strengths in their beauty of hair and otherwise.
The thing that has helped me the most is getting different cuts. Even if you don’t want to lose much length, I would still recommend something a bit different just for fun. I found it helped me focus on the style and helped me forget a bit about the two tone hair.
You already have the determination, and somehow you will also find the patience. Hang in there - you’re going to make a great gray!
Posted by on 07/25 at 06:55 PM
Diana & Greeneyes,
Thanks so much for the support! I think I had an “impatient” day. I have just had several inches cut so my bob is now just clearing my shoulders. A haircut always makes me feel renewed. Now that a little more has grown in, I can see more gray (YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!).
I set up a new computer this afternoon and found that all my Yahoo bookmarks are gone from my account. Now I have something else to focus on!
My niece is getting married next June so my goal is to be in a good place with this process by then. Thanks again for the support!
Diane.W
Posted by on 07/25 at 07:27 PM
I just found this wonder web site yesterday. I quit coloring my hair about 4 years or so ago. My sister, who is 7 yrs older than I, and my moter both have beautiful gray/white hair. I find that every time I get a hair cut, I notice more & more gray. My stylist asked me a few months ago if I considered going a little darker-a warm chocolate brown she suggested. I told her she was only allowed to color my hair if she colored it gray/white. Her jaw nearly hit the ground. All around me where women getting highlights and coloring and me telling her no way! My oldest son is getting married in May & I am hopeful of having more of the gray in by then. I am very much looking forward to having the beautiful hair I see on lots of women. I love the fact that celebs like Jamie Leigh Curtis are letting their hair be natural. I’m 46 and am proud of every gray hair and line on my face. I’ve lived too much and loved too much to try and cover that all up! I’m so glad I found this site & I feel even more inspired to let my gray come!
Posted by on 08/27 at 12:36 PM
isn’t this a fun website??? i feel like a kid in the candy store...every page has it’s own story to tell…
Dianna has done a wonderful job of bringing us all together and giving us this great resource for all the “ifs ands or buts” of going gray gracefully !! there is so much helpful info!! i am 9 weeks into this and when i get up in the morning the first thing i do is check that root line!!!
slowly but surely it is comming through!!
louann
Posted by on 09/01 at 10:48 AM
I’ve been going really gray for the past five years, but only in the last three have I allowed it to come in without resistance. On occasion I have used semi-permanent color in lighter shades which made it look like a tint...I guess. But when the gray really appeared around my front and on the crown I liked what I saw and no matter which side I parted it on I got streaks of white...cooooool. The compliments didn’t hurt either. Still, a lot of women are afraid of the terminology “gray” moreso than the look. It’s the transition that turns a lot of them off, but when the young men started calling me saltnpeppa at work, I took a second look and said, ok, I can do this. And I haven’t colored it since, it’s been over six months and despite a few wirey stray rebels refusing to be tamed, I look mah-velous LOL. I’ve learned to encourage myself because there are days I simply don’t feel it. But this site is so great, and I’m planning on buying Diana’s book it’s fabulous
Posted by on 09/24 at 03:48 PM
enjoy enjoy enjoy!!
this is fun fun fun… i am not looking back and in fact i find that just about every morning i look in the mirror and think well...how much did it grow over night!!! ha ha
i too will have it around the face and at the crown…
the biggest obstacle is the idea that gray=old...man are they ever w r o n g...!!!! it’s all in the attitude…
i say BRING ON THE ASH !!!!
louann
Posted by on 09/24 at 04:53 PM
It took me about a year to decide that I would go gray.I never realized what a major decision going gray is. With swimming everyday, I would have to dye my hair every three weeks to hide the gray. I have always been for the most part natural with my hair and make up( only if I go out evenings to something special).I started dying my hair at around 36 years old and tried to keep it my natural dark brown color. My hair is thinning now and looking unhealthy.I told my partner of 30 years about my decision with going gray, he flipped out. Calling it ridiculous that I would want to look so old and washed out. I told him firmly that it is my hair and my choice and my health. I have been discussing this the whole year with him and he seemed okay with it until I made my decision. He thinks it will make me older (Iam 50) and that it is not a wise decision. It sounds like he doesn’t want to be with an older looking woman? Interestingly, he’s twenty years older than I am.
Posted by on 11/10 at 11:15 AM
Hi Gale—and welcome to the site! Excuse me, I have to pick myself up off the floor after your last line. MEN!!! Actually, if you have the book, you’ll see there’s lots of reasons why gray can inspire fear in the hearts of some men, and very often it has nothing to do with you—or your hair color. Once you know this, it’s easier to have THAT conversation with them.
In the meantime, why don’t you share with him some of the pictures on this site. Proving that gray hair does NOT automatically make you look either old or washed out. That gray hair isn’t a “sign” you’re letting yourself go. That you can be chic, stylish and sexy with gray.
Explore the site thoroughly, pick your ‘weapons’ and then GO! And look, if you have to use a little makeup to waylay his fear of you looking washed out, just do it. Or maybe some very sheer bronzing gels that don’t come across like heavy makeup but do give you a bit more color and glow. That way, you can keep everybody happy!
Posted by on 11/10 at 11:32 AM
men are so funny...mine in all honesty would probably never have said a thing...my daughter tried to ask him without me around!!! isn’tshe funny...anyway i think he has enjoyed this almost as much as me!! he is probably going to be so happy when this whole thing is done cuz really he is probably so sick of me talking about my hair..everytime we are outside i say “look at it isn’t this great? or “better take a picture cuz i know everyone is as excited as me “ 
anyway...enjoy the process and IT’S ALL ATTITUDE…
just ask our fearless leader!!
louann
Posted by on 11/10 at 05:39 PM
Hi everyone,
This is my first time on this site. I have decided to go gray at the beginning of November. I have been thinking about it for a while and when I saw a picture of this gorgeous silver haired model in a magazine, I immediately decided to never color my hair again. I cut out the picture and have been carrying it around with me. I have a large stripe on my hair and have been consulting with different hairstylists about how best to highlight some of my hair. I have very dark brown dyed hair. Since I made the decision, I have felt so “free”. I am so excited, although I am very nervous. My hair is in a short bob so in a little while I will have to cut some of it off. I am 48. My 23 year old son is not happy, but my other sons (14 and 12) don’t mind. My husband is all for it.
I have to say, I thought I would see at least one woman that has changed her hair on this site that I wouldn’t like. They all look so much BETTER! I am amazed. They all look healthier and prettier. My hair has always grown incredibly fast, so I hope it will keep growing. I couldn’t keep up with coloring it every two weeks.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
Posted by on 12/31 at 06:38 PM
whoooo hoo saucy and silver....
who cares about those darn kids anyway!!!! 
my kids were all so VERY OPINIONATED and now they are my biggest fans ....it’s all my PEERS that give me the most grief…
here is a study that i have done INDEPENDENTLY…
men...positive
young men and women and children...positive
women in my age group....NEGATIVE (NOT ALL BUT MORE THAN NOT) I FIGURED OUT WHY… then they have to figure out if they need to “let themselves go too”...hahaha
trust me you will have a blast here...welcome and WE NEED pics…
welcome and happy 2009
gotta go get ready for that ball to drop 
louann
Posted by on 12/31 at 07:23 PM
Welcome saucyandsilver!! I was you last May. The first thing I did was to get highlights on my dark brown hair. It really helped to lighten things up and blend the skunk stripe a bit. My hairdresser did very thin highlights, as opposed to chunky highlights. I didn’t like it at all for the first 2-3 weeks. But over time, as I used the “bluing” shampoo to help with the brassiness, I was fine. This will be a journey. Unfortunately, sometimes you just gotta have a lot of patience and bite the bullet. Or get a pixie! That speeds things up dramatically. It’s a long story but my hubby won’t let me do that, so I’m playing the waiting game. Chin length is the shortest he’ll let me go. I figure I have another year.
So glad to have you on board. This website will be the greatest source of support and advice. We’ve got a remarkable group of women here who are all going through the same thing. Whenever you are having a weak or down moment, run, don’t walk, to your computer. We are all here to help!
Happy New Year!
Posted by on 01/01 at 12:54 AM
I’ll add my welcome, too, saucyandsilver! You’ll find, as you go through this site, there is LOTS of advice—both in the articles, and from the women who are going through transitioning. Everyone does it in their own way. If you don’t like the contrast between the light and the dark, highlights are the way to go. If you don’t want to use bleach, there are lots of “tricks” to get you through. And you’ll find them all here.
So take your time, browse through the site, read the articles, and do consider sending in your pictures to join the Newbie Class First Semester ‘09. It’s a great way to chart your progress, and for us to cheer you on!
Posted by on 01/01 at 07:31 AM
Thank you so much, everyone. I feel SO welcome. I fell like I’ve come in from the cold. I actually wished I lived somewhere colder because then I could wear hats and scarves all winter, but in So.Cal. we don’t get many cold days in winter. I am trying to make an appt. to get soe “silver” streaks so my hair doesn’t look so bad. It’s actually not the gray that looks bad, its the terribly faded brown on my hair that looks horrible. I am so jazzed about going gray. One neighbor kept looking at my hair the other day and I said “Oh, I’ve decided to let my hair go natural.” She about had a fit. She’s not even a good friend. “I guess you want to look 20 years older” she said. I just ignored her. I am a little worried about looking older, but I’ve had a very ill son the past year and a half and I need to make my life healthier and simpler. My husband is happy with it and I feel so Free!!! I can’t wait till it’s all said and done. I do think the highlights will help, as I said the old brown is making me look worse, not the gray.
You all are wonderful. Thank you for being here for me. I will get my 23 yr. old son to help me post pictures. I have one just from Christmas that you can’t tell my gray is coming in, so it’s a perfect picture to start with. My hair grows very fast, so I’m hoping it won’t be too bad between the highlights and getting a couple of inches cut off in a few months.
Thanks and Happy New Year to All,
Posted by on 01/01 at 04:04 PM
"I guess you want to look 20 years older” is such a, um be nice, misinformed statement. Actually, darker colors against skin can make you look older. When women let their silver shine, it actually has the opposite effect. As you can see in the Newbie Graduates Gallery.
One word of caution—you can’t get “silver” streaks. Brunette hair comes up pale blonde. Then, of course, they can put a toner or a glaze on it, but this will need to be repeated about every 5-6 weeks or so.
I’m so sorry about your son, and I do hope he’s recovering. I’m sure that helped in your graying. You’ve got a great attitude, though—it’s all about feeling free! Glad you’re sending in your pics!
Posted by on 01/01 at 04:34 PM
Next entry: The Best and Worst of Being Gray
Previous entry: Playing the waiting game?
Click here to register (current members please login). A Member Registration screen will come up, and you can fill in the fields you see. Be sure to click “I agree to the terms of service,” then hit submit.
In a few short moments, you will receive an email thanking you for your new member registration, and asking you to click on a link to activate it.
Now you can re-join Café Gray. Login, and leave a comment to any posting you like. We’ll all find out the products we like best, the problems we’re having, the triumphs we’ve felt. You’re a Member! Tip: If you don't want to login each time you come to the Café, simply never log out.