Silverlake - Thanks for the compliments, and making me feel good about my snowcapping. :o) It really is amazing how our natural colors suit us.
Posted by on 06/30 at 02:57 PM
Café Gray
What are you afraid of?
Our cover girl, Chazz, likes to tell me stories of the women from her gym. As you can imagine, her snow-white hair causes quite a stir. So women are always coming up to her asking how she got that way. What are her tips? Her hair was naturally dark (it had been tons of other shades), but when she made the decision to go “natural,” she had a lot of gray and a lot of dark hair. She did what you can read about in Transitioning. Used a lighter shade on her hair that didn’t touch (or bleach) the natural dark color, but did tint the grays. She said it just looked like she had highlights. As more and more gray came in, she stopped using the lighter color altogether. Chazz thinks most women are really afraid of transitioning. That’s one. There are other “fear factors,” too. Like being afraid you’ll just pale out all over. Being afraid you’ll look older. Being afraid it won’t come in well. I’d like to hear what you’re afraid of. What are your worst fears about going gray? I think this is something we should all talk about.
Posted by on 12/06 at 04:03 PM
Let me first say that I love my grey hair - I think it’s beautiful, and I marvel at it objectively as it continues to “mature”. It looks good on me, also. I have never colored it - and I’m 54 years old.
Here’s the thing: Recently, my husband, who is a real knock-out, and has shaved his head since he turned 40, is being mistaken for… (drum-roll)… my son. He actually gets carded for being underage. Or sometimes a bartender or waitress will say - “Oh - are you - together?” It makes me feel like a hag.
I have an appointment in a fancy salon to color my hair - in two days. I want to cancel, and I don’t. It seems so shallow to be bugged by this - but bugged I am. Thoughts?
Posted by on 08/04 at 04:05 PM
Dear Dogmother, if you truly like your hair (and you sound like you do) and you look beautiful in it, you should not capitulate in front of a bunch of mediocre ignorants. You did not mention, how your husband reacts to those cases of “mistaken identity.” 
Is he cool about it? Is he cool about your fabulous gray hair? Since, if you, as a couple, feel fine about each other’s hair or absence of it, what else matters? I can symphatize with your feelings though, as my husband had similar issues. At certain point, he started graying really fast and I was still coloring my hair… Well, people took us either for father & daughter or, even better, a golddigger & a sugardaddy. Both scenarios bothered my husband tremendously and became one of the reasons I stopped coloring my hair (I forbade him to color his). So, I think, I can see your point. It’s like staying on the same sheet of music. The question is, is it really going to be the same sheet of music? Are you sure, you are going to like your colored hair? When I read your post, it sounded like you were going for an execution, not a hair color appointment. Well, in my opinion, if it feels that way for you, it’s not the right thing to do. To me, it looks like you think you are going to surrender a part of yourself, a part of your spirit… Be careful, since, in the end, the spirit is all we can hang on and count on. So, dear Dogmother, I am repeating my plea- do not color your hair just yet. Call off your appointment, since time does not seem to be right. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck.
Posted by on 08/04 at 06:18 PM
Wow, Lady Correll, that was a very insightful comment. And really something to think about. Dogmother, I just want to add a more mundane ps to this—why not do a “transformation” with the cut? Maybe something very modern and choppy. Or an angled bob, if you like longer hair, a la Emmylou Harris. Sometimes, to misquote Shakespeare, the problem lies not within ourselves, but within our cut! 
Maybe you just need a “do” update, not a color revamp. Especially since you say the color looks good on you! Would an artificial color look better?
I’d start there—you can always color if that doesn’t give you the boost you’re looking for. Only you know how these incidents make you feel. But do be sure how they make you feel. Can you just laugh them off as the ridiculous snap-judgments they are? Or do they cut deeper?
It sounds like you have a good sense of who you are. Own your look, amp it up if you want to, and remember, you’re the gal that got the “knock-out” guy, so waitresses and bartenders, eat your hearts out!
Posted by on 08/04 at 07:27 PM
Hi Dogmother
Great post and replies from your ‘sisters in silver’ Lady C and Diana!
We are pioneers in showing the world that grey does not = old or invisible, so from time to time we will get the annoying comments. How about a quick look at all the great greys in the gallery and in transition as a ‘refresher course’? The abiding impression is that we tend to look younger, not older, with natural hair colour.
Love the advice to have a rethink over the cut. I have two friends who have changed their style this year, one grew her hair a bit into a bob, the other restyled short hair to something trendier - and each looks about 10 years younger.
Posted by on 08/05 at 02:56 AM
Thank you all so much for the support. I’m calling that flippin’ salon right now to cancel. I can feel my hair sighing with gratitude! I’m so glad I found this site, and all of you.
Posted by on 08/05 at 08:11 AM
Hi Dogmother
Did you colour or not? How did the hair appoinment go?
This is funny, or maybe not - I was in my friend’s car at a petrol station and she went to pay for her petrol. The attendant asked her if her car was the one with the old lady (me) sitting in the front! Huh! I did have my head down as I was reading a map and there is a silvery stripe, but ‘OLD’! Huh.
Posted by on 08/10 at 09:50 AM
The guy’s colorblind. You are mostly a platinum blonde, with not such a wide silvery stripe. Probably if Marilyn Monroe had been bending over her platinum locks in the front seat, he still would have said Old Lady! 
Things like this make us gulp, though. Until we say—this is the COLOR I want to be!
Posted by on 08/10 at 10:11 AM
Hiya
Well he was barely old enough to be out without his Mum…
Thank you Diana, cheered me up - & my friend is still laughing about it…
Hey I’m having a hair trim this week, will try to send a photo of 3 month progress.
Posted by on 08/10 at 10:20 AM
I have a friend who’s still laughing about the fact that someone called her my daughter! Truth is, age-wise, I coulda been! 
YAY! Send in those pics!
Posted by on 08/10 at 11:05 AM
Yes, Dogmother, did you really cancel or not? Did you get a haircut instead? I would be really curious to know.
Silverlake, I hate to break it to you, but boys who are “barely old enough to be out without Mom” consider even a thirty year old woman as a prime candidate for home for elderly… These little dudes think they are immortals capable to preserve their youth forever (I certainly thought so at that age). Stop at that station ten years from now. I bet with you, he is going to have a nice beer belly shaping under his shirt and his shiny bald head is going to cause you temporary blindness…
Anyway, I wanted to share something else with you ladies. On MSNBC, I found a page devoted to something called “Ambush makeover.” Apparently, they only do it in NYC. Every single woman who dared to have any shade of gray when “ambushed” was mercilessly colored. The funny thing is that they colored them all the same color (no skin tone taken into consideration). It’s like this browny/orangey shade with yellow highlights. Now, THAT’S what I have always been afraid of- to look just like everyone else... If you want to check it out, see http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23694559/?pg=54#tdy_ambush_makeovers
One more thing (I know this is getting really long)- don’t you think, that, especially for woman who are type known as “Snow White” going natural is really THE ONLY way? I just read an article about it and it said that warm colors typically used to color over originally very dark hair with blue tone actually kill the whole persona.
Posted by on 08/10 at 04:15 PM
I am still digging through those “Ambush Makeovers.” The pictures number 65 to 66 (Susan) and 67 to 68 (Judy) are especially heartwrenching. Such nice tones of gray destroyed! :-(
Posted by on 08/10 at 04:59 PM
Ambush Makeovers – I love makeovers! - very interesting. Most of the women featured do look great in the after shots, but IMHO it’s the new haircut and ditching the unflattering spectacle frames, professionally applied makeup and good use of colour in the clothes that is making the difference. Oh and the after shots are all smiling!
You’re right, it is all the same shade of orangey-brown – why? Sure, we can colour our hair if we want, but as we know, there is another way. And the lady who was a lovely silver and has never coloured her hair before, oh dear, that’s going to take some keeping up : (
I wish there had been a way to comment on that article.
Posted by on 08/11 at 12:48 AM
I only looked at a few—but I saw enough!! Looks like they only had one answer to going natural—COLOR! I suggest, if we ever DO have our NYC reunion, we gather en masse in front of the Today show, whites blazing, with tee-shirts saying “We WON’T be ambushed by dye!”
It’s just too bad that they don’t show a glorious great gray—who gets even glorious-er! Man, this makes me grumpy!
Posted by on 08/11 at 04:49 AM
I had to pipe in on the makeovers. I am a makeover fan, myself. It’s fun to see women get some help on hair, make-up, etc… but when they start messing with some great silver hair...made me mad!
Like Silverlake - I wonder if these women will keep it up. Those ladies needed some help, but what they got was a high maintenance program and a long standing relationship with hair dye. You can be sure they’re dreading those roots by now! I bet they eventually realize color is NOT the answer to beauty. Hey - maybe they’ll find us here and have to join the newbies to find their natural colors once again. :o)
Posted by on 08/11 at 06:21 AM
Hey greeneyes
My thoughts exactly!
I just wanted to say I like your latest transition pic a lot. Are you nearly through with the waiting and growing the ‘snowcap’ stage - how long did it take? Are you going to experiment with longer hair again?
Posted by on 08/11 at 06:47 AM
Hello Silverlake!
Thanks for the compliment on my last photo. Yes! I am nearly through with transitioning! Can you hear my excitement? :o)
My last color was December 12, and then I had lowlights in both January and February, so it’s been 8 months since I decided to ditch the dye...but then the lowlights did slow me down a bit. (I knew December 12th was my last overall color, but I wanted to look normal at Christmas.) :o)
I still have a bit of dye on the sides and at the bottom lengths (none on my shorter layers on top - aka as my snowcaps.) :o) I am definitely in grow-mode, so I have decided to keep the dye tips for awhile. They are not hugely noticeable (to other people) and I am tired of short hair, so I’m letting them stay for awhile longer. :o) It’s been 4 weeks since my last cut and I plan to wait another month or two before a SMALL trim. But we’ll see...if I begin to look too shaggy, I may need a trim sooner.
Okay, you got me going. I probably gave too much information...I just really get excited when I realize my natural colors really DID arrive! :o) Thanks for asking!
I’m looking forward to watching your continued progress, as well. In fact, I like OUR makeovers a whole lot more than MSNBC’s! :o)
Posted by on 08/11 at 07:04 AM
Siverlake and Lady Corell - Yes, I cancelled. I feel completely relieved. I already have a great below-shoulder wavy cut. I’m thinking attitude is everything.
Posted by on 08/11 at 01:05 PM
Hi Dogmother
Glad to hear it, go with that attitude. Can we see a pic somehow?
Did you know Diana has a video out? Really good advice about when it’s not right to silver and when it is
http://www.hairdesignertv.com/gglg_vid.php
I have recovered from the ‘old lady’ comment. Depsite a couple of inches of silvery roots, one of my work colleagues said ‘don’t you ever get any older? Even tho’ I do it was nice to hear 
Green eyes - I was v intersted to hear your news and thoughts. It is exciting and your hair does look good! Can we see another pic when it has grown a bit too please? I think a longer length will suit you.
Posted by on 08/14 at 06:34 AM
Hi Silverlake. I’ll have my husband take my picture in a couple of weeks - 6 weeks since my last trim. He’s been taking pictures every 6 weeks so I don’t want him to get out of practice. :o) I’ll send one in if there seems to be enough progress since the last shot.
Aren’t compliments even more important now that we are sporting some silver!? Your colleagues’ comment certainly cancels out the negative comment you received!
Posted by on 08/14 at 02:44 PM
Hello you all.
I am 46 years old and trying to go gray. Its not easy. i am at the moment the only one that is be doing so, from my age.
I am dutch and i live in Holland.I find a great help from this site.Love to you all.Catweezle
Posted by on 09/13 at 03:38 AM
Hi catweezie—and welcome! Your username makes me think of my cat (who gave me asthma—I was definitely cat-wheezie!) 
I see on my analytics map that we are being logged into in Holland, but it’s nice to actually hear from someone there.
You’ll just have to be the trendsetter among your friends if you are the “only one” going natural. In the meantime, you can find your support here. Why not send in your pics and join our Newbie Class? That way, the transition won’t seem so lonely. And when you’re finished, don’t be surprised if your friends want to follow your shining silver example!
Posted by on 09/13 at 04:30 AM
Hello, how nice that you react on my message! I will try to send in pics,I must see first how it works. Btw,my englisch is not my mothers language,hope you dont mind.
I must say, my biggest fear, is to look old.I was in a healthstore and the saleswoman said:O,youre going gray? Is your husband attracted to older women?....I must say:My husband is very supportive.He has in a fact seen the results of my ppd-allergy,i guess. Btw the usersname catweezle comes from a youthprogram about a man named catweezle,he had a enormous amount of gray hair.
With love catweezle.
Posted by on 09/15 at 12:31 AM
Hi catweezie—No need to worry about the language “barrier” here—we all speak the same language! And your English is perfectly understandable. The comment of the woman in the healthstore is just so ignorant. The things that come out of people’s mouths! We all have stories like that.
The thing about not wanting gray/silver hair to make you look old is—that’s up to you! Yes, gray has been associated with aging for so many years, but it shouldn’t be. You know our mantra around here—Gray is just a COLOR. Platinum, silver, pewter, ash—so many pretty shades, and as pretty as blonde, brunette, and red. It all depends what you do with it. How you work your makeup, your hairstyle. That’s what keeps it young. And now that you mention you have a ppd allergy—well, you’ve got to lay off the color. I’m sure you’ve read the stories here (Elizabeth’s Story, among others) and the postings of girls who have had similar, quite horrible reactions. It’s a very dangerous thing to play around with. So continue on your progress, and be the best silvergirl you can be! Then go back to that health store girl, and show her you look more like a rock star than a rockin’ chair grandma! 
Posted by on 09/15 at 05:02 AM
Thank you so much for your support.But today i have an off-day. The outgrow is very ugly, and i have already short hair and i dont want to go too short.And i dont want to have anything to do with dye anymore because of the ppd, so some days its a real struggle.The rest of my appearance is ok,nice clothes,lipstick,mascaraetc.So i have to go through this....Love from catweezle.
Posted by on 09/16 at 03:25 AM
Hmmmm—just remember, you can have “off-days” with color, too! If it gets really bad today, just go look at our Newbies section (1 and 2)—think about all that grow-out showing, and see all the smiles, anyway! We all go through this, with various tricks up our sleeves—hats, headbands, zig-zag parts, layers—root cover-ups—and we DO get through this. Stay strong, catweezie!
Posted by on 09/16 at 03:37 AM
Catweezle - Just wanted to chime in and say it is very normal how you are feeling. Though my grow out line was not as noticeable as many (since I have a lot of dark hair left) I still hated the way it looked with half natural and half dye. What I realized is that I focused way too much on it. Some people didn’t even notice… and many really weren’t all that interested in my hair issues. :o) But on those days (and there were many) I would do something to distract myself...like fixing my hair nicely, sparkly earrings, and like you said make-up and clothes. This may be rude to admit, but I also would make myself feel better by watching for people with dye, but their hair was a mess. It was fun realizing that dyeing alone is not enough to look great! :o)
I’m at my 9 month grow out and basically finished. I still have a bit of dye on some of my ends only because I am too stubborn to get it cut off....I want more length first. So, just remember you’ll be finished one day and looking back - realizing it was worth it! :o)
Posted by on 09/16 at 05:33 AM
Wauw! Wat great comments.It make me feel i am not alone...Greeneyes,that is so truth,i also look at people and think: you think you are a georgeous blond; but it is very very fake..
I also look at gray-haired people and ask my husband:is my gray look like that color? And he says: ye,kind of...I meen its not exactly to say what color it will be...Thats exithing! And you’’re very right:dye is not enough to look gorgeous. with love Catweezle
Posted by on 09/18 at 08:21 AM
Catweezle - You are definitely not alone! But I know what you mean...I don’t personally know anyone my age going natural. My Mom has never colored her hair and has a beautiful white, but I wanted to see women closer to my age with gray hair. Plus, my Mom keeps her hair very short, an inch and a half in the longest places - but I am more of a longer haired girl. :o)
I suppose we all have turned into hair watchers. :o) Before going natural, I hardly noticed women’s hair, but now I am obsessive about it.
Yes, it is very exciting as we watch our hair grow into its natural color. To think we have been hiding it for so long and now we beg for it to grow. It is so much fun!
One of my favorite pages on this site is the Newbie Graduates Gallery. I am amazed each time I see the dye right next to the beautiful, natural colors on these women. Catweezle - you can be confident that you will also be even more beautiful with your natural color.
Are you able to send in photos so we can watch your transition? I would love to see you and be able to cheer you on better! :o)
Posted by on 09/18 at 09:23 AM
Hello greeneyes,i have posted my pictures, soon you can see them…
I hope i will hold on. I dont like myself either with too short hair. Nice for you that your transmission is almost compleeted; i asume that is very liberated!
Love from Catweezle.
Posted by on 09/18 at 10:09 AM
In answer to the question “what am I afraid of?” about going gray, I am most afraid my husband won’t like it. What about that?
And, I have a question. As a golfer, I am out in the sun for hours at a time on weekends. Will I need anything extra to keep the sun from turning my gray hair a yukky color?
Posted by on 09/18 at 01:01 PM
Breakingfree - If you don’t try it, you’ll never know if your husband will like it! :o) Also, if you find you and/or your husband are unhappy - you can always go back to the dye.
But I tend to think you will like it and your husband, as well. Going natural is very freeing and the changes you experience go far deeper than your hair color. Your husband will probably enjoy a happier wife. :o)
By the way, look at the transitions on this site and you will see everyone looks better with their natural colors. Our skin tones and natural hair color just go together...simple as that!
Best wishes to you!
Posted by on 09/18 at 01:18 PM
I’ll be watching for you, Catweezle! :o)
Posted by on 09/18 at 01:19 PM
Hi Breakingfree, and welcome! You are expressing a very normal concern about your husband not liking it. In fact, there’s a good discussion going on now in Talk On about that very thing. Even husbands who are supportive about it at the beginning can change their opinions halfway through (usually when it is in the worst stage!)
But the real reason for a husband not liking it can go pretty deep, and I cover them in my book. It can range from fear that you’re going to let yourself “go,” to fear of their own aging. With a lot of things in-between. A husband may not even be aware of the real reason. So having a heart-to-heart about “will you like it or not” sometimes goes nowhere. I remember when I told my hubby I was thinking about going gray, he said “You can’t go gray—you’re a blonde!” He knew darn well I wasn’t a “real” blonde, but to him, I was, and that was how he saw me. I thought about this, and realized it was about what a blonde represented. Youth, sexiness, the “trophy” thing. Well, now I’m blonder than blonde—I’ve got a lot of white in the front—and he loves it. Doesn’t want me to go back to yellow blonde. Or any other color.
If you read Melody’s Story, you’ll see that her husband had a fear she’d end up looking like his grandmother. Although this was never said until after she went white. So men often don’t get in touch with their reasons for not “liking” the transformation—they just know they don’t want you to change.
And you really don’t have to change. Not who you are. Not the real reason your husband loves you. You’re still going to be you. It’s just your hair color that’s changing—just as it would if you suddenly went blonde or red or any other shade. So I say it’s worth giving it a go if it’s something YOU want to do. Be the best silver girl you can be. Then see.
As far as special care—well, the sun is bad for any hair, colored or natural. With gray hair, it acts as nature’s own bleach and removes blue molecules, so the hair can take on a yellow-ish tinge. Using a “blue shampoo” every few weeks returns it to a nice, crisp tone. That’s about it. Using special protective products is as advisable for gray as it is for processed hair. There’s a good discussion of these under the “Hooray, Hooray, it’s the First of May” blog here at the Café. You don’t have to overdo it, and get a whole slew of them, but it’s always advisable to keep your hair well moisturized. You’ll want it to shine.
So read on, learn more, and just know you’re not alone in your concerns. We all have them, but once we get to the “other side,” we wouldn’t be any other way! 
Posted by on 09/18 at 08:58 PM
Catweezle - just spotted your photos! Glad you made it.
It’s hard to tell, but your natural color reminds me a bit of Shara’s. I’m looking forward to watching you evolve into a great gray! :o)
Posted by on 09/19 at 10:50 AM
Hallo Catweezle,
Hoe gaat het? Mijn moeder is van Nederlands & Ik spreek Hollands kleine betje. Ik war in Almere in Juli & Ik denkt dat Ik was de enige vrouw met grijs haar.
Ik ben 39 jaar oud & heeft meer grijs als mijn moeder wie bent 74 slechts omdat zij haar haar verft, als iedereen anders in Holland.
Welkom, Mika
Posted by on 09/19 at 07:23 PM
Ha Mika,wat leuk dat je wat nederlands spreekt! Hier zie je wel wat vrouwen van 30 of 40 met grijs haar; maar niet veel…
I saw my pictures, and thats a bit odd...About a few months i send pictures again so we can see the progress.
.Have you also pictures here?
Thanks for the welcome,Catweezle.
Greeneyes, who is Shara? I cant find her pictures.
Posted by on 09/20 at 03:28 AM
Catweezle - Shara is in the newbies, but in the first semester...you are in the second semester, which is why you probably didn’t see her. I am also in the first semester - a couple after Shara.
I enjoyed trying to translate your conversation, Mika and Catweezle. I think I picked out a word or two...really fun to see you communicating in Swedish! Well, I suppose it is Swedish. :o)
Posted by on 09/20 at 06:01 AM
Hello Greeneyes, i have seen your pictures.A beautiful color! I think your job is almost done? A great feeling i think...Sharas color is darker i think, but i will see.The conversation between Mika and me is dutch, not swedish. Catweezle
Posted by on 09/20 at 08:14 AM
Thank you Catweezle. Yes, it is a great feeling to be so close to the end of transitioning! You’ll get there before you know it, especially since you have a cute, shorter cut.
Oops. Dutch! Either way, fun to see.
Posted by on 09/21 at 05:28 PM
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