Oh, grannycoed—You are still under the illusion that you can’t be considered young, cool, and cute with gray or white hair. First of all, you’re not “competitive” with 23 year olds. You’re way beyond that. You’ve learned so much just from life.  You have so much more to offer. The color of your hair doesn’t mean you’re smarter, dumber, or older.  It means you’re YOU.  An individual.  Besides, have you ever stopped to think what will happen after grad school? In the workplace? There are soooo many ways potential employers can check out your age—including the internet. So your hair color won’t fool anybody.  What really matters is if you carry it off well. The other thing that matters is if you actually LIKE the brown bottle’s version of your hair. If you’re happy, then I’m happy.  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 12/07 at 10:52 AM

Yippie-ki-oh-ki-ay!  Go get ‘em, cowgirl.  And let the light shine through!  If it really bothers you, skip the hat, and try what Chazz did.  See first post above.  Just ‘til you get through that inch and a half stage.  Remember—use nothing permanent!  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 12/29 at 07:57 AM

Hi Nat—Welcome to the Café. Oh, I know—when it comes right down to it, looking “old” is everybody’s big fear. You say you’re 50 with a 10 year old. There’s a story in the book about Alice. She’s in her 40’s and has a 7 year old. Kids at that age confuse gray hair with grandmothers, and she said some of her daughter’s friends would ask her if she were the grandmother. While she said she was older than most of the mothers in her child’s class, she would just laugh and say “No, I’m her mother, and this is just the COLOR of my hair.”

There’s another section in the book about how we either tend to follow our mothers into graying or rebel against them (especially if they colored their hair.) We don’t know we’re doing this, but subconsciously, we are. So the question is—are we our mothers, after all? I don’t think so. 

I think we’re a whole new generation that’s going to define gray our own way. My one “mission” is to get rid of the association of gray with old. I think gray is a COLOR. Can be a very interesting color. If we perceive it as old, we’ll start acting old. If we think of it as unique, something that really sets us apart, we’ll do all we can to make it great, lively, fun.  In other words, we’ll pay as much attention to the “whole picture” of hair, makeup, body, fitness, skin, as we would if we were dying our hair, highlighting it, whatever. Gray is simply an option open to us, to do with what we will. Whether we’re in our 30’s, 40’s, or 50’s. Our mothers’ generation had one option—color or be considered old. Attitudes have changed since then. Kids think it’s “cool,” celebs are going gray, magazines are showing it more and more. (Watch for my upcoming article on this, and in the meantime, check out Hip? Hip? Hooray! in the Gray Today section of the site.) It’s a different time.

If you want to start with the highlights, leaving a little gray to show, that’s a great first step, and could be the solution you’re looking for right now. Nothing a bit wrong with easing into it gradually. What color is your hair now? Remember you can have a highlighted “look” without highlights if your hair is dark and you just use a lighter, non-permanent shade on it.  It doesn’t touch the dark, but does add tone to the grays.  You might try that for awhile. So you’re not bleaching, you’re not using anything that stains the hair. Talk to your colorist. 

When you’re ready for gray, when you’re committed to it, you’ll know. The women who are writing in and going “cold turkey” have that kind of commitment. Doesn’t sound like you’re there yet. I hope you’ll keep us posted on your decision—and your progress!  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/12 at 01:09 PM

Hi Pam—I’d like to add my Welcome, and thank you for your nice compliments about the book and website. I’m glad you’re going to visit often, this is a nice place to get all the back-up you need!  I agree, the thought of transitioning is daunting to most women. So you’re starting off very wisely by talking to your colorist about making it “pain-free.” There are lots of things they can do to take you through the process—I’m sure you’ve cruised the Transitioning section of the website, and there are more ideas (with pictures) in the book. So it’s not all that bad, really.  It’s just this whole fear is what stops many women before they even start. You’ve gotten beyond that. You’re taking action—and I’m proud of you! Do let me know what your next steps are going to be!  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/21 at 04:20 PM

YAY!  Let’s hear it for Pam!  Why? Because she’s being pro-active. Not about to let the salt-and-pepper blahs get to her! Ok, Pam, your colorist did the right thing. First, by starting to tone down that contrast.That’s a good first step. I’m not sure what kind of clarifying lotion she used, though. Most clarifying shampoos or treatments are designed to remove residue and lift product build-up from the hair. They can slightly lighten hair or brighten tone, but yours sounds a little more dramatic than that. And the smell is a dead giveaway. Bet it had some ammonia in it. Sooo wish I could just re-print all of Chapter 11 here—“Special Effects”—because it covers all the various techniques that can be used to get you through transitioning. It defines them, shows women actually going through the processes, and the end results. And, really, there is a lot you can do beyond just highlighting or lowlighting. But, for starters, you asked about adding white highlights. That does make the gray hair more dramatic—but, yes, it involves bleach and foils. You might also consider just an ivory white glaze treatment to add more shine and life. That’s demipermanent, gradually fades away, and you won’t have a grow-out problem. Now, if you really want to fast-forward (and I wouldn’t advise it), you can achieve an icy white all over with a double process. Hair is first bleached to the palest shade of blonde, followed by a platinum toner to get rid of the dinginess. If your hair is predominantly gray, but not white, you’d use either a pearl, slate or silver toner. This gives you full control over the shade of gray you want—but then, you’re still locked into a touch-up-your-roots schedule. Sometimes, it’s better to just go with the flow. Keep an eye on your transitioning. Learn to work with it. Learn to love it. I’ve been at this for awhile. And while I’ve had years of being happy with the shade of gray it’s gotten to, now—and just now—I’ve been considering icing it up a bit. Love it that you got a good cut, too. You’re really working it!  Good for you! D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/23 at 10:29 AM

Hi suzy2u—OK, just for you, I’ll go and do it! Just kidding—I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. So I’m calling Beth Minardi for an appointment, and I’ll report back. In the meantime, I know a woman who has mostly white hair, but gets icy highlights every 2-1/2-3 months, just to keep it really white. She looks fabulous. If you are almost 100% white, a demi-permanent silver white “toner” might be all you need (and as I said above, that gradually fades away)—but if you are 75% - 85% white that would mean LOTS of very, very pale highlights.... toned with a silver-white “toner”. BUT—and this is a big BUT—didn’t you say somewhere else that you just had your hair dyed 2 weeks ago? So the overall effect is what—a dark brown? And you have really dark eyebrows? (That may need a little re-thinking!) Let me get all your facts straight— don’t want to fry your hair! D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/29 at 07:15 PM

You might not be so lucky next time. You’re playing Russian roulette with your hair. Please—sit tight—I promise I’ll get back to you.  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/29 at 09:47 PM

Thanks, Suzy!  You’ll find lots of color information inside to help get you through this, and in the meantime, I haven’t forgotten my promise to get back to you.  My “whiten up” appointment is Feb. 7th, and Beth Minardi and I are going to go over your whole color history.  Stay tuned!  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/01 at 06:01 AM

Hi Suzy—yup!  I’m going to put an article in SOON about the whole process, and I think you’ll find further info in it.  But in the meantime, I went over your whole hair history with Beth. She knew exactly what you meant by the transparent aspect of your hair—just shook her head immediately. It’s because of the stripping. These at-home products (permanent dye solvents), very popular in the 60’s, are very dangerous—the most caustic, highly alkaline products there are. They leech out the hair’s natural protein and moisture, physically damaging the structure of the hair, causing it to break off or fall out. Good that yours hasn’t—yet. But the internal structure might have changed, which could account for some transparency, and you’ve got to be careful.

Your hair turned orange because strippers are designed to do just that, so a colorist can add a toner. But they will not remove all color from the hair. (Incidentally, Beth will not use strippers, ever. Shows ya—if top colorists won’t touch this stuff, you definitely shouldn’t do it at home.)

Since you’ve been using dye regularly, you definitely should NOT bleach your hair in an effort to “turn” it white.  It won’t. (Even what’s left of my dark hair didn’t come up to bright white yesterday—and that’s natural color, not dyed.) But YOU have to be particularly careful—you just can’t “erase” years of coloring. When Beth says “That’s when it all falls out,” she’s not kidding.

Then we got into the fading issue. If you don’t have color done every 4 weeks, it will fade.  If you don’t use corrective in-between hair care, it will fade. Beth has been working on a Balancing Formula with a lab for 20 years to help control fading. That’s how tricky this fading issue is. Dyed hair will fade without the proper between-appointment care, and regular touch-ups. Pure and simple. You’re not alone in getting faded-ehhh hair.

Here’s what she suggests if you want to go gradually into transition. (Which is the only way you should.) Go to a salon and ask a colorist to use:
1. A no-lift demi-permanent, non-ammonia color in a dark ash.
2.  Apply to ROOT only. Allow it to develop for the full development time.
3. You root hair will turn a dark medium blonde, but this will immediately give you less contrast with your darker brown hair.
4. Do this every 6 weeks until you have about 3 -31/2” of roots. Say, for the next 6 months.
5. On month 7, your colorist can do exactly the same thing, only now adding pale highlights with foils—just around your face. This will create a very soft, very pretty “halo” effect.
6. Don’t forget to have regular trims. Since you say you are naturally about 85-90% white, and you keep getting the dark brown trimmed off, you will gradually evolve into a soft, natural, understated blonde. At this point, you can more easily transition to white. 

Now—if you want to color it yourself at home—don’t do it often, and restrict application to ROOTS ONLY. Do not follow the package instructions and apply it all over your head. You should take tiny sections, apply to roots, and leave it on at room temperature for 45 minutes.  No heat. Check every 4 minutes to see how the color develops. If not, it’s back to the see-through hair.

One other interesting thing she mentioned—how do you know pure white will be the right color for you? She suggested you go try on a wig—see what it does for your skintone. There’s a chance you may like being brown, but you’re just not happy with the results you’ve been getting.

A lot to think about. And I know it seems like there will be an endless time of coloring, a time that you’d rather rush through. But the main thing is—for EVERYONE—who wants to go from using dye to being white, you’ve got to go slowly. Do not immediately strip or bleach your hair. Give it time to recuperate.  The only other alternative—a chemical-free one—cold turkey.  Hope this helps.  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/08 at 02:20 PM

Hi Suzy --
You’re certainly welcome. You’d be surprised how much I care (and worry about) all you Members writing in. Heck, I’m even surprised! I had no idea this site would keep me up at night!  And the thing is, Beth does too. That’s why she’s in the business she’s in—she wants to help, and I appreciate all of her input.

Yup, your coloring sounds great for white hair. I think I’d still be tempted to try on a wig, though. Can there be too much of a good thing????  I wish you the best. Please keep us posted—and send in a pic!!  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/08 at 06:57 PM

Well, Pam—if you’ve seen my latest article “Diana does Silverizing” (get to it from the Home Page, or under Transitioning), you’ll see the exact same thing happened to me. I got pale yellow, not white.  And this was on un-dyed hair. I’ve been thinking about it, went back to my book, and found I had written that bleach removes the blue molecules from hair first (just like the sun does—nature’s own bleach.) So, back to our Color Wheel—what opposes blue? Yellow. Remove the blue, you get the yellow. I shouldn’t have been surprised at all—but even authors forget what they write sometimes!

It wasn’t the “years of color”—it was the fact that your hair had a lot of blue in its natural pigment. Still, risky business to bleach with dye still on your hair. I hope you won’t do that again.

Thanks for the info about England. Hmmmmm.  I had heard gray was gaining great acceptance there. That’s really too bad about Camilla. Leave it to the tabloids, though! They’re forever going to compare her to Diana, anyway. (The “other” Diana!)

There are a lot of reasons women want to conform to expectations. Not the least of which—career concerns. But I truly believe that this generation is making new rules, creating new expectations, and that’s great!  D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/09 at 11:22 AM

Suzy --
I re-read your last message again.  Forgot to respond to the “my wrinkles looked deeper” part! I know you know WHY, but we’ve gotta fight these optical illusions. Fortunately, there are ways to fill them up. And, no, I don’t necessarily mean with expensive injections. The optimum thing to do is create a smoother surface, so light can reflect off your face better. Wrinkles create shadows. If you haven’t already, check out Products You Should Know About/Face (from the Home Page). You’ll find some smoothers there, and I’ll mention more in the future.  Know you already have the book—there’s lots more information about brightening your face in there, too. Best, D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/09 at 12:00 PM

So my book puts you to sleep, huh?  Just kidding.  I think, since you show people your roots, you’re really a great gray at heart!! I hope you find those pics.  If not, start charting your progress, and send those in when you have a bunch.  Thanks, D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/10 at 12:29 PM

Oh, Lori—You’ve opened up a whole ‘nother can of worms! Join the club. My hair is getting thinner than it used to be on top, too. And, as you point out, it’s not part of the graying process. We just happen to notice it at about the same time our hormone levels start shifting.  (In your case, induced by PCOS—not clear what that is, can you enlighten?) But, as I point out in the book, there are lots of other reasons for hair loss as well.  I think maybe we’ll get into that here. Soon—I’ve got lots of other articles in the “hopper” right now. But it’s definitely something I want to cover.  Thanks for reminding me. D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/11 at 12:38 PM

Hi Lori --
Thanks for this info.  I went to the site and checked it out. Also went to webMD, just to get more information. It’s really a hormonal imbalance problem—big time. Fortunately, with the right treatment, it sounds like it’s manageable. So glad you went to an endocrinologist!

Found out that it affects 1 in 10 women. Which I’m sure factors into the fact that more than 20 million women in the US suffer from some form of female-pattern baldness. Androgens, as you’ve found out, are the main culprit. Almost half of all women who experience hair loss can blame it on androgenetic alopecia. Yours were just put on the fast-track by PCOS. And when adrogens take over from estrogens—well, you know what happens! Hair where you don’t want it. No hair where you do.

But you also mentioned thyroid imbalance.  Yup, that too. You can add to the list birth control pills, pregnancy, menopause, anemia, ovarian cycsts (which PCOS can give you in spades) and tumors. Anything, in fact, that interferes with the body’s normal rhythms and processes disrupts what cells are supposed to do—and that affects your hair, and its graying, too.

When testosterone levels get out of balance, you’ve got to worry about DHT, the killer-enemy of the hair shaft.  Androgens can convert to DHT, with the assistance of an enzyme found in the oil glands of the hair follicle. It absolutely strangles your hair to death. I can’t get into it too deeply here, but there are suggestions for treatment in the book, along with some things NOT to do—or take.

But you sound like you’ve got it well under control—and I know that you know all this.  Thanks for sharing your story, D.

Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/12 at 07:52 PM