Ok, every woman who goes gray has those ”moments.” One (very young-looking) woman told me a bus actually lowered the steps for her, mistaking her silvery hair as a sign that she was too feeble to climb aboard. I laughed. Until it happened to me! I laughed, until a young girl offered me her seat on the bus. I laughed until the day the supermarket automatically gave me a “senior discount.” But there are other moments, too. Times when we feel great about gray. Tell us some of your best and worst moments.
Posted by on 12/12 at 08:00 AM
Love that line ‘Am I just my hair’.
Last week, I got :-
‘Is that your new look?’
‘Nice highlights, you’re brave’ - sarcastic compliment
‘Oh, you’re still going ahead with this.’
I agree, seeing someone growing out their grey hair, seems to make women very defensive.
Posted by on 02/13 at 06:11 AM
That’s the word in a nutshell—defensive! D.
Posted by on 02/13 at 09:43 AM
So far no one has said anything negativeto my face...lol…
My husband has been a beautiful silver since late 30’s, he’s glad I’m “crossing over” as he calls it. My youngest daughter is thrilled...she’s been wanting me to go gray for a while.My son and other daughter are like go for it. My younger sister will be 40 on Saturday and she still doesn’t have but a stray gray now and then....she can’t use dye she’s tried before and it makes her hair fall out. She’s waiting to see how mine turns out.
Posted by on 02/14 at 05:34 PM
Diana, how old is Traci Nally(the attorney) whose picture is in the gallery. She has some of the most beautiful gray hair I’ve seen. She looks beautiful and distinguished. I can only imagine that her gray has to help her in her career?
Kendall
Posted by on 02/27 at 03:00 PM
Traci’s in her early 50’s, but decided to let the gray come in 12 years ago. Not because she felt it would help in her career, but because she felt dyed hair made her look fake, and as she said, “older than her years.” D.
Posted by on 02/27 at 05:18 PM
The best and worst part of being gray is being unable to fine the correct or any color close to my silver/platiunm hair to braid. They have all the colors of the rainbow but not white, silver or anything close. I like were braids --since I hate getting my hair done which is a 3 hour visit to haridresser every 2 weeks or 4-5 hours every 2-3 months with braids.
since I have been silver in some form for the past 25 plus years I have done it all dyed it for several years, wore a close afro then grew it out and have worn braids for the last 8 years ( my!time fly).
Up side-> lots of compliments and stares
down side—for me nothing except not finding hair extenisons.
Posted by on 04/03 at 09:44 PM
Hi Silver Love—welcome to the Café! I know what you mean—“matching” gray with hairpieces is the hardest thing to do. One of the Great Grays in the book, Ruth Lawson, uses braids for extensions, and said finding the right color in artificial hair was so hard. (You can see her if you go to “What Do Women Really Think About Gray?” in the Gray Today section.)
One of our Members, Roe, sent in a good website tip that seems to have LOTS of colors for gray, really beautiful shades. At least in full head wigs. I didn’t see braids, but wasn’t looking for them, so maybe they are there. Go check out http://www.foxysilvercollection.com and see what you can find. Let us know!
Hey, in the meantime, you’re getting lots of compliments! But you’re also right about the downside—constantly getting weaves and extensions is not the greatest for gray hair. You’ve got to let it “breathe” every once in a while. We’d love to see a pic! D.
Posted by on 04/04 at 05:41 AM
thanks for the information will look into it.—I do take my hair down for a couple of months every year.
Posted by on 04/04 at 09:53 AM
Having a very bad grey day, myself. I am 8 months into the growing out phase, and the new growth is becoming more obvious, yet not fully the focus thanks to my reddish brown ends. I guess about a third of my length is grey now (my hair is just about collar length), and I think it’s more salt and pepper than I expected. I really thought I had more silver.
I did a workout on my lunch hour and now have my hair pulled back--feeling a little like Grandma Walton. I find if I’m not well rested (i.e. not having a good face day) it’s hard to have a good grey hair day. Worst day yet: A few weeks ago, when I proudly showed my roots to a friend and said “See??” she looked away and said “I can’t even go there.” (She later admitted meaning “I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate it).
My mother’s response was “I hope you don’t expect ME to do that...I’ll be colouring to my grave.” Sigh. Not trying to convert the masses, just looking for some support.
Well that’s my vent for today. Nice to have a place to do that!
Posted by on 04/07 at 12:23 PM
Ooooh. Bad gray day. 
Sound the alert! Everybody come running!!
Three ways to cheer up:
1. Go after work to a good cosmetics counter and have them change things from a “bad face day” to a “good face day.” Bonus: you might find some new colors that are going to perk things up a bit.
2. Go pamper your hair—let it know that YOU love it, anyway. Have “spa night” tonight at home where you try some wonderful conditioning treatments. While you’re at it, try a nice exfoliating mask on your face, too. Might rev it up, so you’ll look glow-y instead of tired.
3. Just IGNORE what everybody says. Think how sorry they’ll be when you’re a glorious, shining silver star (don’t worry, it’s IN there), and they’re still paying big bucks to have their color done.
She who laughs last. . . 
Posted by on 04/07 at 12:44 PM
Hey Newbie2 -
Sorry to hear about your bad day! Who am I to jump in here since I only have 4 months of natural growth, but here I am anyhow! :o)
Transitioning is hard; there is no way around it. And really, until we get ALL the dye off our hair, who’s to say how it REALLY will look? The dye can make our natural color look dull, and also confuse our true color.
What about a new hair style with some shorter layers? This is my way of dealing with it. I am shorter than I want to be and planning to go even shorter. My hair still barely touches my shoulders, but I’m going shorter with my layers. Getting the dye off as quickly as I can is my goal, yet without going really short. I will grow my hair out after the dye is gone. And really I must admit, the different syle has distracted people so much from the new growth.
Like you, my hair is seeming to be darker than I expected, not as much white as I had hoped. But if you have seen Diana’s book, there are a few who are darker gray, and still their color is nice. And we will only get lighter as the years pass by. Isn’t it funny how we worked so hard to hide the white, and now we are wishing for more!? :o)
So, hang in there. You gotta get your picture in the Great Grays one day! :o)
We’re in this together!
Posted by on 04/08 at 05:08 AM
Diana and greeneyes:
Thanks so much for your support . I’m feeling much better about things today. I think the workout had sort of matted down my hair and made it look really blah. I went home and had a nice hot shower and deep conditioned my hair and it looked just lovely!
I know what you mean about the irony of wishing for more white! I used to gasp when the 2 week growth started to show and rush off to the salon at 4 weeks....now it’s like I can’t see enough of it! It’s strange that at 8 months I still feel so far off, but I think you’re right, a shorter cut would help. I think I should reconsider trying to maintain my length. A co-worker came in with a new haircut yesterday--an inverted bob --and it was really cute. I think at my next visit I will try that cut. It will get lots of the dyed hair off the back especially, and will be a bit shorter at the front but will still leave the longer layers around my face. Like you, I intend to grow it long again (thanks to inspiration from the photos of Elizabeth and others!)
I got a shipping notice today that Diana’s book will arrive tomorrow--2 days earlier than I’d hoped. Yay!
p.s. have you posted your progress on the newbie page, greeneyes? I’m planning to take a photo this week and send it in.
Posted by on 04/08 at 05:28 AM
Newbie2,
So glad to hear things are better.
A lesson learned...don’t inspect your hair too closely after a workout. :o)
Glad to hear you are getting a new cut! A new style can be fun. For now, we cut...later, we grow!
Diana’s book will really help. I pick it up often, sometimes just to look at the pictures.
Nope....haven’t posted on the newbie page. I suppose I should get out the camera....I’ll be looking there for you.
Posted by on 04/08 at 06:06 AM
Yay!. . . Let’s see that progress!
Posted by on 04/08 at 06:51 AM
Your book literally gave me the courage to let my natural grey shine through, for about 1 year now. However, I just stumbled on this awesome website now and it is so inspirational to have so much support. I love the positivity and the sharing of such wonderful and empowering stories.
For the most part I am glad that I have decided to stop using dye and let my hair go natural. But someimes people make comments like, “Is that your wife?” They were asking my 81 year old father if I was his wife (I’m 51) !!! I know people of all different age differences are married, but still, it made me feel a little bad. I’m working on my story and picture to send.
For now--take care all
deannablueridge
Posted by on 04/30 at 05:09 PM
Thanks, Deannablueridge—I’m inspired by all these stories, too! I knew there were women out there—everywhere—with the power and confidence to let that silver shine. I think it’s so wonderful that they’re coming here, and sharing their stories.
That story of yours is a killer! But I don’t see it the same way you do. Whoever asked that question might have been thinking—what’s an 81 yr-old guy doing with such a hot young chick? It’s all in how you look at it!
Yes—DO send your story and pics!
Posted by on 04/30 at 08:34 PM
Deannablueridge -
I thought the same as Diana...people were probably wondering how an 81 year could get such a young woman!
Last year I saw somewhere on the internet - definitely NOT HERE - about a test done to see if people looked older with gray hair. They took various people and showed them with a socially acceptable (hee hee) color such as brown, blonde, red, etc… then they computer generized gray on the very same photo shot. Other people were chosen to look at these photos and guess ages. Their results said people looked an average of 3 years older with gray hair. Now, I do not necessarily agree with their findings, but I’m just saying 3 years wasn’t so much, considering some of these people were still guessed to be younger than their age, or right at it - even with gray hair. Plus, I wasn’t too thrilled with the way the photos looked, before or after. :o) But it was one of the things that helped me decide to go gray.
Hey, we’re all aging. Our faces and bodies tell a story too - not just our hair color. Besides, we all gray at different ages, some quite young. I am amused at times, how some people think coloring their hair is completely hiding their age. In fact, many times hair color makes a face look older, more harsh. But of course, I am going gray....and therefore am now biased. :o)
Can’t wait to see your pictures and hear your story!
Posted by on 05/01 at 05:26 AM
I’m feeling great today about my decision to stop coloring.
I went to a Fantastic Sam’s open on Sunday. I was feeling that I just had to cut my hair. Well she took it from past shoulder length to chin length. She suggested I let the roots grow another inch and said that the blond color would blend with the new growth and that I might not have to cut it really short but that I could see how it came in.
And she was entirely supportive of my decision to go salt and pepper! She is going to work with me on it and suggested a plan, saying how it would look very pretty and how much healthier my hair would be--but you all already know that!
Thanks again for all of your posts. They have helped me a lot.
beth
Posted by on 05/04 at 10:24 AM
Just wanted to add a few things to my post above.
First Thanks again, I had a crazy weekend of up and down emotions but this website was so helpful!!!
Usually at this point I’d be running to get the roots covered so I feel like I’m out there in a way. (:
I also realize that the person the person at Fantastic Sams is mostly likely not a color expert. She gave me great haircut though that I’m really happy about.
I had a prebooked color appointment at an Aveda salon for May 27. I guess it’s really been about 3 months since I had the all over highlights and lowlights but just a month since the lowlights.
I guess I just have to brave it out at this point! I’m feeling good about it but just a bit apprehensive. I can see those dark roots and white sections…
beth 
Posted by on 05/05 at 06:55 AM
Ooooooh—those dark roots and white hairs—the boogeymen of transitioning. Well, they’re not gonna get ya! Look at all our Newbies putting up with them. We all have to go through that, but you just gotta keep your eye on the prize. Which can be a very sophisticated, shining look. I always think of it as the ultimate blonde. I much prefer the cool look of gray/platinum to gold/yellow (and I was a bleachie/highlighter too.) Still, it’s a light look—silver or blonde—so you’ll still be bringing that lightness to your face.
Who’d a thought a place called Fantastic Sam’s would have a great haircutter, eh? Stick with her, stick with the process. You’re 3 months into no bleaching, and I bet your hair feels the better for it! Keep coming back when you get those emotional mood-swings. We’re with ya! 
Posted by on 05/05 at 07:42 AM
Thanks Diana!!
Yes, I guess you never know where you might find a good one!
I’m going for it, I guess I should cancel that Aveda prebooked color appointment--she was the one that wasn’t very supportive--not her fault, it’s a very personal thing I know. I’m not sure what she could do for me except maybe low lights to blend the transition?
If I get looking too extreme looking for work I guess I could try some of the things suggested on your web site.
But mostly I’d like to do nothing and just let it all grow in!
I love this website!!!
beth
Posted by on 05/05 at 08:19 AM
Uh, didn’t you say it’s been just a month since you had lowlights? Lowlights are generally used to provide more contrast to the white/silver. To make it really pop. Not to “blend it in.” I don’t think this is the effect you’re looking for.
I wouldn’t go to someone who wasn’t supportive from the get-go. Colorists are a little like doctors. Sometimes we listen to them but haven’t a clue what they’re saying! If she’s trying to convince you of something, be very sure you understand what she is going to do with your hair. Sometimes, you can’t un-do it.
Why don’t you just sit this one out? Think how much further ahead you’ll be! If you just can’t stand it, you can ALWAYS make another appointment. D.
Posted by on 05/05 at 09:24 AM
You can see I was confused 
—getting less confused though, thank you!! Yes I will definitely sit this one out!
My last appointment at the Aveda Salon was about 5 weeks ago. I really didn’t want to get the color then but I let her convince me to do what she called “lowlights” on the root area, I think maybe it was just a darker color. But I’m not positive. She said I wasn’t ready to go natural that “I wouldn’t like it.” I wasn’t strong enough at that time to say what I really wanted or maybe I didn’t really know yet!
About 2 months before that, trying to save money, I had gone to a beauty school and they did the foil higlights, but all over. It was actually a bad experience—scalp felt kind of burned.
I will send photos this evening so you can see it all..
beth 
Posted by on 05/05 at 10:03 AM
Beth,
My stylist also talked me into lowlights in the beginning. My last over-all color was December, but then she lowlighted both January and February. My stylist told me I also wasn’t ready to see ALL the gray and that I would look like a homeless woman if she didn’t keep hiding the grow-out line by lowlighting. In March, I said ENOUGH! I WANT to see how much gray I have. That is the point! :o) Also, I noticed she was not covering the same hair each time - eventually all my hair would be colored again. It was really slowing down the process. I will say the first lowlights matched my natural brown, so it was very helpful, but after that, it was not beneficial.
I also felt like it took me a couple of months to be strong enough to do exactly what I wanted! But now, no turning back!
Can’t wait to see your pictures!
Posted by on 05/05 at 11:34 AM
greeneyes,
Yes, that is what I was going to do. Thanks so much for sharing that. And I am laughing at what your stylist told you, such scare tactics--I can relate! I’ve read some of your other posts and viewed your photos. You are doing wonderful!
I am just curious--how long is your hair now? I apologize if you have already posted this, I just can’t remember right now.
I’ve had very short hair before so if I just can’t stand the contrast I will probably go shorter--but not yet. I know I can always grow it out again.
I got several compliments on haircut today, but of course noone mentioned those dark roots…
Posted by on 05/05 at 02:48 PM
Hi Beth.
Thanks for the compliment!
The photo I sent was taken 3 weeks ago, so I still look much the same...except I did my own shaping technique to the sides. :o) It looked funny to me, so I did some of my own work and I’m certain my stylist will be proud. :o)Actually, she probably won’t notice since her style of cutting is very choppy and random. Until the color is cut off, I am keeping my regular 4 week appointment, so next week I will get a trim. Or, if I’m really in a mood, maybe a shorter cut. :o)
Sounds like you are happy with your cut, and getting compliments really helps. I felt like having a new style kept me from obsessing so much about the new growth.
If you’re like me, you’ll have good days and bad days, but sounds like you are on the right track! So glad you have joined us!
Posted by on 05/05 at 03:18 PM
okay...just sharing an interaction I had today...as I work seeing patients in a clinic:
Cast:
Me (at the desk, entering results in the computer, wearing my hair with its 5 inch gray/silver growth with about 10 inches of old dyed brown in a ponytail).
80 year old male patient accompanied by his wife
Man (his eyes moving from my eyes to the top of my head repeatedly): “excuse me, can I ask you..how old are you?”
Me (with a bit of a smile watching his eye movement ): “why do you ask?”
Man: “ uh..well..not to be..just wondering”
Me: “ How old do you think I am? I’m growing my hair out...I’m tired of coloring it”
Man: “ She (pointing at his wife) did the same thing...I dunno...”
Me: “Seriously...guess!”
Man: “thirty-eight”
Me: “Fifty in December...thank you!”
Man and wife together : “no!!”
they made my day.
She and I then talked about how she didn’t like her color hair (actually a beautiful pure white..she had dyed it black until a few years ago..she’s in her seventies) She always wanted the color my hair is(whatever it is...silvery with white).... Made me recall being in seventh grade… short, want long...blond, want brown. curly, want straight. straight, want curly. I thanked them for the compliment and said I thought her hair was beautiful. He took his hat off to show his bald head so we all laughed that at least the two women had hair to worry about....
goodnight all…
Posted by on 05/05 at 07:53 PM
Love it! Love “the cast” and “the action.” Aren’t those moments wonderful? As opposed to the 7th grade moments when we always wanted what we didn’t have. Guess we could say “The gray is always greener. . .” No, actually, wish we hadn’t said that! 
Posted by on 05/05 at 08:33 PM
Okay - my daughter got me going on this one...we just saw a silver lady in a Depends commerial. She began laughing and reminding me how most of the silver ladies in commercials are advertising Depends, fiber, osteoperosis, denture adhesive, etc.... First of all, my daughter is 100% behind me and says I look great, so she’s just messing with me - she loves to see me over-react. :o) And secondly, no offense to anyone who needs these products...it’s just that I’m ready to see some silver ladies of ALL ages advertising all kinds of products. I know I’m barking up the wrong tree...I’m sure you all would like to see a change too. But I just felt the need to vent while my daughter sits across the room, laughing. :o)
Posted by on 08/05 at 05:32 PM
Yeah, but Greeneyes, there’s a really great gray in a fibromyalgia commercial! I have seen one or two in car commercials, so I guess that’s ok. And apparel companies like Eilen Fisher and retailer Chico’s do use grays in advertising.
But I know what you’re getting at. Why automatically associate gray or silver hair with products created for an aging population? Why does the token “gray” have to be the grandma?
But there’s hope. Look at the Chanel ad sign in the Newsflash section. And I’ve got a great ad here for Sephora with a rather vampy looking white hair. So we’re breaking through, but it’s the fashion/beauty advertisers who are going to put us there. Not the corn flakes people!
Posted by on 08/05 at 06:48 PM
I have noticed the reaction to my decision anywhere from full on support to downright mad !! i am thinking the mad reactors are just worried i might actually look good with this gray!!! then what will they do??? oh no we may start a trend!!! my mantra is i am not 40 ...i am 53 ... i want to look “good” for my age!!
Posted by on 08/11 at 04:19 AM
Ooh, Lainia—Good for your age? We have some great-looking 40 and 30-something year olds here, too, who look pretty darn good “for their age.” That’s why I keep trying to drive home the fact that gray/silver/white are all justifiable COLORS for your hair. It’s not an age-thing, it’s a color thing! Although, admittedly, we have some members who feel going gray is “age-appropriate,” but it’s also cool!
Good luck on your transitioning, and on dealing with all those “mad” people. You’re right—sometimes people are just threatened by the whole idea. Hey, care to send in your pics? We could track your progress in Newbies!
Posted by on 08/11 at 04:35 AM
I stand corrected!!! I really meant no offense… my mom gave birth to me with a beautiful head of white hair at the young age of 45!!! and ENJOYED correcting peoples assumption that i was her grandchild !! guess i mean i want to CELEBRATE my age with the experience of LIFE and hopefuly living it well!!
i promise a pic soon...i will have to have my husband or kids help with that whole uploading thing!!
thanks again
this is a fun site!!
Posted by on 08/11 at 06:57 AM
Just thought I’d share this link.
http://www.squidoo.com/best_hairstyles
Rule number 5 will make your blood boil, ladies.
I emailed her and told her i thought it was a load of crap, in a polite way.
Posted by on 08/14 at 07:21 PM
good for you...the one thing i am tired of hearing is how OLD YOU ARE GOING TO LOOK oh please...some ofthese women with the dyed hair look pathetic…
it is all in the attitude ...it is all attitude…
i personally will not hide behind a bottle...now a nice pinot grigio is another story.. 
Posted by on 08/14 at 09:40 PM
One thing I think is great about being gray at fifty is the respect I get. Men and women give me the nod when I am walking down the street, especially when my hair is very short. (Don’t know what the hair length has to do with it, but there it is). And the only thing I hate is when I feel sorry for myself and think that I look like an “old granny, which tends to happen most when my hair is longer. My greatest fear is to look “witchy” and since I have wild curls, I have a little difficulty with styling my hair. I can see that I have some age attitude trouble here and have some more growing up yet to do. :(
Posted by on 08/21 at 10:10 AM
well i am done with the bottled version of my youth...the only bottles worth opening now ??? a nice pinot grigio!!!
Posted by on 08/21 at 05:27 PM
I’m with ya there!!!
Posted by on 08/21 at 06:26 PM
What do you say to ‘Is that your husband or your son’ 
I am 57 and have been happy to allow my hair to show its ‘God given highlights’ for several years and people regularly comment on it and how much it suits me. My husband is 6 years younger than me and does not have a single grey hair (I say to people ‘what does that tell you about our marriage’ ) Today a work colleague met my husband and she asked me if it was my son or my husband. When I replied husband she said ‘Ooooh doesn’t he look young’. I really didn’t know what to say.
I have always been happy with my silver and have it cut in a modern style but this comment was very disheartening. I’m thinking maybe I need to rethink the style I have - I certainly don’t want to dye it. Does anyone have anyone any suggestions?
Posted by on 09/12 at 03:51 AM
Hi Purpleygirl—and welcome to the Café! Oh dear, comments like that are hard to ignore, but that’s the best advice. If people only knew what they were saying (and sometimes they do—it’s intentional!). It works the other way, too. We’ve had women write in who are just starting to go gray, and their husbands have a lot of gray. They’ve been asked if they’re their husband’s daughter. I don’t know which is better, neither are comfortable.
The next time someone says your husband looks so young, say “Hey, it works for Demi Moore,” wink, and walk away.
The point is, you shouldn’t be disheartened —you’ve gotten compliments on how your gray hair suits you, you’ve been happy with it, and you’re keeping it modern. Sounds like it’s working to me! Never let thoughtless comments throw you off your game! 
Posted by on 09/12 at 09:03 AM
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