Thanks Dara,
I really like Diana’s new cut. It has a “lightness” to it.

Posted by DianeW on 11/30 at 06:20 PM

Hope everyone had a great weekend—why do they always seem to go by so fast??  My mother in law and her husband are here from Texas for a few days.  She is going to do her color tomorrow - I think that it would look better if she would just let nature take its course.  To me it just does not look healthy.  I know that she would like to ask me why don’t I do the same to mine Oh well....

Posted by grayme on 12/07 at 06:42 PM

Grayme,

I just saw your post on 11/24 asking about how I get my hair straight.  Sorry I didn’t see it sooner.  I blow dry it and then use the straight iron in sections.  I grab most of my hair and clip it to the top of my head, then straight iron what’s hanging down.  I then let a little out of the clip and straight iron that part.  I just keep letting a little out and straightening each part until the whole thing is straight.  I’m hoping to get an ionic hair dryer soon.  That should help with some of the frizz so I hopefully won’t have to straighten it as much.  I have fairly curly, mostly frizzy hair.  It takes some work to get it straight.  But I only wash it twice a week, so I only have to style it twice a week too.  In between I may have to do little touch ups, but it usually will stay straight, unless we have a lot of moisture in the air or it accidentally gets wet.  And of course sometimes I just wear it curly.  I like to mix it up.

Posted by RunnerGal on 12/07 at 07:36 PM

RunnerGal:  Thanks for the tip!!

Posted by grayme on 12/08 at 07:00 AM

Well - My mother in law did do the color thing - it went from a blondish color to a strawberry blonde color (emphasis on the “strawberry").  She seems quite happy with it .  She and her husband, my mother, my husband, and myself were watching TV after dinner last night and my mil said that she heard that the “in thing” now was to let your gray show.  She said NO WAY for her.  My husband said that must mean that he has been in style for a long time! And of course I did not say any thing—some things are just better left unsaid. 

Have any of you guys gone through this with your MIL????

Posted by grayme on 12/09 at 04:04 AM

My MIL and SIL both have gray hair so that isn’t the point where my MIL is concerned. Her opinion is that gray hair should be short! My SIL and I both, respectfully (perhaps not so respectfully at times ) disagree with her. For example my SIL has rather beautiful long gray/silver/white/brown (melange I think Diana calls it in her book) hair. I hope that by this time next year, I’ll have my own longish melange hair too!

Just looking at the GGs who have either gone long (Elizabeth, Michel, Carol) and are going long (greeneyes, Sharon, and you know who you are) is very encouraging for me!

Mary

Posted by Silverhair on 12/09 at 05:08 AM

Wow. Thanks Mary for adding me to a list that includes Sharon. :o)

My MIL always said she couldn’t wait to have gray hair. Her mother had a beautiful white. But then about 10 years ago she tried to go natural and said it was too mousey. Now she’s a blonde - WAS a natural brunette. When she saw my hair, it was at its shortest point. She said something like, “I like your short cut. It goes better with the salt and pepper.” And that was that.

My mom has pretty white, very short hair, Jamie Lee Curtis style. Has never colored. She used to say when a woman turns 30, she should not have long hair. My 29th birthday was my most difficult, and I think it was because I mourned my last year of long hair. But here I am at 45… I never did cut it really short, so she stopped saying it around me. But I’ve never felt like she likes my longer hair. My sister keeps hers short, so I am her only long haired daughter. She LOVES the fact I’m going gray, though. :o)

I did show my mom Diana’s book and all of the great gray photos I have collected. Not long ago she finally said she thought a gray lady could have any length of hair she wanted...even long. So, finally! She couldn’t deny the great gray ladies with long hair. :o)

My MIL and I are completely different in almost every way imaginable, but we honestly have a wonderful relationship. I’m not sure she will ever stop coloring her hair or if she will ever like my gray, but it’s okay. It’s part of accepting each other for who we are. It’s nice to have the approval of our moms and MILs, but it’s not something we HAVE to have. They make their choices, and we make ours.

Grayme - Like you said, “some things are better left unsaid,” and also, “some things SAID are better left ignored to keep peace in the family!” :o)

When it’s all said and done and we are wearing our gray in all of it’s glory, I think some naysayers will “get it.” And if not, at least WE will be happily free of the dye.

Posted by greeneyes on 12/09 at 07:02 AM

My “MIL” (bf’s mom)has short pure white hair.  She stopped colouring the day she became a grandmother-figured that earned her the right to be gray.  So...I think she thinks it’s too early for me and has never said a word about my hair, good or bad.  In my family, silence usually means disapproval.  My mom has short, dyed auburn hair and intends on “colouring to the grave”.  She has been quite complimentary about my going gray though, which is nice.  Funny, although my mom has short hair, she likes mine long.  My sister loves my hair short.  You just can’t please everyone!  I think we all know we’re happiest when we please ourselves.

Posted by newbie2 on 12/09 at 07:27 AM

My mother has a bleach blonde pixie.  Says there’s no way she’s following me with the gray, but knows that some people look better when they are natural.  My MIL has been every color of the rainbow, including gorgeous natural white, but she’s currently blonde.  Even though neither of them are following my lead, they are fine with my decision.

As far as length, I used to think you can’t be gray and have long hair.  I guess I pictured those women who wear it long and frizzy - the ones that have “let themselves go”.  When I first started graying, my husband asked me to grow my hair long (not that it was ever very short because he hates short hair).  And I told him if I did that, I’d have to dye it.  Even though I hated doing it, my husband would always go out of his way to thank me for going through all that trouble for him.  But boy have my eyes been opened.  If you take care of your hair and style it, it can look beautiful, no matter what color it is, or what length for that matter.  If only I had figured that out YEARS ago, I would have saved myself so much grief!!!!

Posted by RunnerGal on 12/09 at 08:50 AM

My challenge now is to find a style that is “modern” and looks stylish but isn’t high maintenance.  I think my old standby cut of bangs and otherwise one length hair was easiest (wash and wear) but I don’t think I can pull that off at 43.  So, I must learn to be better at blowdrying and/or flat ironing.  It definitely pays to put some effort into my hair every morning.

Posted by newbie2 on 12/09 at 08:58 AM

Oh how I wish for low maintenance hair, but I think with my hair, the only way I could have it is to go extremely short like my mom. I’m just not willing to do that, so high maintenance, I am! :o) Honestly, my hair is only time consuming on the days I wash it. On touch up days, it’s not much work at all. Plus, it usually looks better on the days I don’t wash. Calmer and smoother.

And concerning “modern,” when you have a look at the great gray stories...Elizabeth, Carol, Sharon, Maureen, Shira, Melody and Michel...they all have different lengths and styles, but they all look great. And I wouldn’t call all of their styles “modern.” We’ll only be content with a style that fits our personal tastes. I find myself inching (literally) back to my pre-gray style. At least for now. I would like to have some form of the bob eventually, but for now I am just not going to be happy until I get back to that style. I guess I feel that’s just who I am at this point. :o)

Posted by greeneyes on 12/09 at 09:24 AM

Newbie2 - you are right, you can’t please everyone - I know that I need to let it go with trying to please my mil. 

Don’t get me wrong - she is a good person - does for others… but our relationship has always been a “tense” one.

Posted by grayme on 12/09 at 09:25 AM

Grayme--It’s too bad your relationship with your MIL is tense.  You may find just boldly carrying on with what you’re doing and being proud of your gray sends a message to her that you are confident with your decision and don’t need her approval, and she likely will respect that. 

Greeneyes, you’re right.  Maybe “modern” is not the right word.  Certain cuts, as trendy as they are, are not for me.  My stylist always seems to want to do a version of the inverted bob on me and it is just not me.  I will find what works for me and I think just putting in a little effort will pay off.  I am just not one to spend more than 10 minutes on my hair and about the same on make-up.  I’m always too rushed.  Wish I could go a few days without washing my hair--it would be much easier--but I need to at least rinse mine every morning and I am shampooing every second day.

Posted by newbie2 on 12/09 at 09:37 AM

Thanks for all the comments - I guess what I need to learn is to be true to myself - to be comfortable with who I am right now.  To learn to be truly happy and content with all that I have to offer.  There is always going to be others who think different than us and that is okay. 

I guess that this is one of the reasons that I enjoy coming to this site - encouragement from others.

Posted by grayme on 12/09 at 10:08 AM

My SIL stopped colouring her hair about 8 months after i did, because she liked it on me. My MIL is all gray and loves my hair. Even some of my friends at the gym have decided to give up the hair dye.
Hold your head high and be proud, we’ve all come a long way.

Posted by zoe on 12/09 at 03:54 PM

Thanks Zoe - and yes, I will hold my head high and be proud of who I am. 

Posted by grayme on 12/10 at 06:53 AM

I used to get the Clairol newsletter emailed to me.  It’s so great to see those emails in my spam folder now! 

Posted by RunnerGal on 12/11 at 07:22 PM

Diana, i have a question about hair styles.
How do i pick a hairstyle that doesn’t make me look older with my new color?

Posted by zoe on 12/13 at 09:35 AM

Hi there,i just came home from a birthdayparty, and saw a lot of very old gray people,and the people my age having all dyed hair...My sil said:o,are you going short? I like you much more with longer hair...Now i am full of doubt...And i planned the big chop on friday.Unfortunely i found the old and gray not inspiring at all! I dont want to look liki that.
Petra.

Posted by catweezle on 12/14 at 05:03 AM

I hear you loud and clear Petra. That’s my problem as well.
Maybe you shouldn’t do the big chop, take it slow you can always go back and have more cut off. I think it’s harder to find a flattering hair style when your hair is gray then when it’s dyed, because your fighting with not wanting to look old as well.

Zoe

Posted by zoe on 12/14 at 06:52 AM

ok ladies...it is absolutely ALL about attitude...i have had short hair for most of my life now and always got compliments on the cut...even though i would switch up the style it basically looks about the same..this past cut really popped out the white/silver/pepper and depending on the colors i wear it can stand out or stand down...i have had tons of fun playing with this whole thing...there have been days when i look at myself and know in no uncertain terms i can not wear that color anymore...i am not getting rid of the brown i am just keeping it below the waist...( a side note: the retail store i worked in last year proved that brown can be used just like black!) yesterday i popped into banana republic and played with the purple “family” a color i never would have looked at before and was pleasently surprised…
anyway i ramble…
one last thought ...for every uninspiring gray how many uninspiring dye jobs do you see?????????...hair dye or lack there of does not make for INSPIRATION !!!...now onward and forward!!!

louann

Posted by lainla3 on 12/14 at 08:02 AM

Ok ok i sure havent mention the unspiring dyejobs...I guess i am a little nervous:after friday there is hopefully very much dye on the floor;and then i see my natural color after thirty years,and thats really wird and exciting!
Petra.

Posted by catweezle on 12/14 at 09:20 AM

Yes indeed it IS all about the attitude...most of my life I have had dark, poker straight, hair to my waist...wishing I could have curly hair....then the gray came and I dyed my hair because of what other people thought...so I thought I could either not dye and keep it long or dye and keep it with shorter styles, and I found for myself it doesn’t matter long, short, dye or not it is how you carry yourself.
BTW...Joy to all with the Babies born and to come!!! 

Posted by graytnw on 12/14 at 09:28 AM

I agree! It IS ALL about attitude! Confidence does not come from a color, just like age/old should not be defined by a color WE define who we are and how we are to be perceived!

I love the quote,"Dance like no one is watching”!  Dance SilverBellas...Dance!

Posted by elizabeth on 12/14 at 09:50 AM

I wish my hair had More silver than it does!!  I FEEL young, I dress HIP, I like to try NEW, MODERN, hairstyles and buying NEW makeup is a sheer treat!!  This grannie will always “dance like EVERYONE is watching!” and enjoy showing off just how liberating ultra-natural can be.  I have the shiniest highlights ever and the more silver shine they have the better!

Posted by lulubell on 12/14 at 10:27 AM

RIGHT ON Lulubell!!! 

Posted by graytnw on 12/14 at 11:36 AM

Had to jump in! I don’t want to look old and gray, either! So! I have decided I WON’T look old and gray! I’m gonna look young and gray. :o) It is SO about attitude and living life with joy and purpose.

Can’t remember where we were talking yesterday (maybe the Texas sisters silver event,) but Lynn is an awesome example of a vibrant woman with white hair. She’s in her 50’s, looks like she’s at least 10 years younger, and acts like she’s a teen-ager. I mean that with complete respect. She’s just all bubbly, smiling, and full of joy.

I see some tired looking grays here and there...I see some tired looking dye-ers, too.

Hang in there, Petra. You won’t know what you will look like until you have more of your natural color.

I’m with you Lulubell! I am enjoying my shiny highlights, too!

Posted by greeneyes on 12/14 at 11:48 AM

Ok i get the message. It’s just hard when you get negative feedback from the people who mean alot to you. At least i don’t live with them.
Zoe

Posted by zoe on 12/14 at 01:18 PM

Zoe - I completely know what you mean about negative feedback from the people who mean alot to you.  Just stay positive and know that we support you and each other!!

Posted by grayme on 12/14 at 03:54 PM

i know i have said this before but ....but i just KNEW i was ready to do this..yes it is scary at first...i remember… my neighbor has a grey wig (she is a character actress who uses it to go for the “old lady parts”   )...anyway i tried it on and thought uh oh...maybe not...but then deep down i knew i was not going to come in with this pure white hair instantly ...i think this is why i was ready though to see this thru… i did not want to go from dark to instant martha washington hair ...that would be a shock…
the beauty of learning patience with this transitioning part is to give EVERYONE time to “get used to the idea”!!
as i looked at my last year christmas card family pic i realized wow it really is a difference…
ok i digress...(sorry)
but zoe and petra...this is where this site and all these FANTASTIC “grey ladies” club comes into play (with our fearless leader guiding us thru the rocky waters of transitioning) we can all vent here or throw out suggestions ...etc...cuz i know we all have our moments where insecurities pop in and somtimes it isn’t from another persons reaction ...some times it can be just putting on the wrong color sweater (an old favorite maybe?)
or shirt ...it means rethinking a few things and maybe that day i am just not in the mood to RETHINK a thing!!!
you get my drift...i can’t say it enough ...THIS SITE is soooo much fun...it has made the whole process sooo much easier...think how many of us would have caved ?? and like diana says WE DON’T HAVE TO STAY GRAY IF WE DON’T WANT TO but...it helps us fullfill the curiosity factor…
man oh man what a rambler i am ....must be the RAIN ...(which has not stopped all night

louann

Posted by lainla3 on 12/15 at 06:16 AM

HI Diana,
I asked before, but could it be that my message is not come over?
I want that businesscards also; but how can i do that,allthe way to Holland??

Thanks Louann,for your unstoppable(is that a word?)and supportive comments!
Petra.

Posted by catweezle on 12/17 at 01:07 PM

Hi Petra, See you didn’t get the BIG chop after all. Totally love the new haircut

zoe

Posted by zoe on 12/19 at 08:25 AM