Diana, you’re right about being referred to as the gray-haired lady.  Your husband should have said, “yes, she’s that silver siren over there!”. Good response from the other guy, though. 

Posted by Debdo on 10/02 at 10:31 AM

Okay, here’s one. When I was fifty I had my hair long so no mistaking it for gray, or whatever the heck you wanna call it, and I was out and a guy asked me to dance, course, love to dance so said yes. Evening progressed into dating and I finally figured out how old he was. I almost choked I knew he was younger but not by 15 years. So I asked him how old he thought I was. He said what, 40 41? I smiled and said, wellllllll, keep going. He said you know, I really don’t care how old you are. Makes no difference. And he loved my hair and the fact that I didn’t do anything to it. He was one of those men who liked “real” people and it didn’t matter to him about age, color, that sort of thing. He really was great in that way, however, I just felt a bit funny dating someone who was only 3 years older than my daughter. But he was fun while it lasted and we still stay in touch.

I’ve tried dating men older than myself, like in their late 50’s maybe early 60’s and that feels like dating my father. And if they’ve been on their own for awhile they really want things their way and they’re cranky and I always think, hmm, do they realize they’re on their own and cranky because they’re so set in their ways and change just isn’t in their vocabulary.

And how can one not mention the dating sites which just beg for stories to be told of which I have a few. 

Posted by sallee on 10/02 at 10:42 AM

I’m here!!
I love that Diana!

Thanks for setting up this blog space--how cool!

I’ve had all kinds of dates--one was like a business meeting; cards were exchanged with lots of tech talk, another was just plain strange and another was nice but went no further. Next week I’ll be meeting someone I’ve only talked on the phone to and emailed. He’s seen my recent photos so there should be surprises. So far my hair is very well received--except for just one fellow who kept telling me I should dye it blond again--needless to say there was no second date!LOL

I will tell you, it takes energy..I’m working out at the gym 3x times a week so I can keep up.

I’ll be back to report.

Posted by beth on 10/02 at 10:50 AM

Oh, the optimal word is tried regarding the older guys. You be right, Diana, the younger guys are a lot more fun  

I haven’t done a dating site in almost 2 years. It’s amazing what shows up for the first date as opposed to what was seen on the profile. Some people take a lot of creative license when it comes to how they see themselves. I always got, gee, you look just like your pictures. I was always thinking, you don’t.

Posted by sallee on 10/02 at 12:14 PM

This is a cute thread.  I’m married (and a newbie), but I hope to have a story for you one day.

Posted by RunnerGal on 10/02 at 02:22 PM

Sallee--well...I’m actually in the midst of doing internet dating and it is kind of strange...I don’t know why people insist on using old pics--you meet them and they look completely different. I get the same comment--that they are so glad they can recognize me from my pic...LOL

Actually I’ve about had it with the online dating thing--another 3 months and then my subscription is up. Maybe the person I meet next week will be as nice as he has been on the phone--but you just can’t tell until you meet them in person.

It is just so hard to meet people in the course of daily life...As I tell them--I can do fine on my own, and I can! but am looking for someone to make life better, LOL..

It’s nice to vent! (:

Posted by beth on 10/02 at 03:37 PM

It’s true, it is hard to meet people and I’m with you, I like myself and I’m okay with me and when I’m alone, I’m not lonely, but sometimes it’s just fun to share things with someone.

I’ve discovered though that I’m not very good at the long term relationship. And I’m okay with that. I still like to look and go out but I know I’m not looking for anything long term. I’ve fought to hard for the life I have now and I’m just not willing to give it up. Does that sound cranky and set in my ways? 

Oh, well, I’m just speaking for myself here. I know lots of women my age who have found great guys and want a relationship and I think it’s great. Just not for me. I have a great story about giving “love” a second chance. I’ll save it for another post. And it is good to vent.

Posted by sallee on 10/02 at 04:50 PM

I may be the same...I am just not sure. I have a thing about being smothered--I don’t want to be! ( :  I need a good deal of alone time but yes I do also enjoy some company sometimes.  It’s funny to admit this here but I have always been the one to leave. I go back and forth between thinking that I just haven’t met the right person and that I am just some who is not meant for a long term “relationship”.  I also think it’s great for those who do want that and sometimes I think I do...It can get a bit confusing, LOL.

So I do understand, no I don’t think it is being cranky, just maybe protective of our selves in some way… I look forward to hearing your story about giving “love” a second chance.”

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic.

Posted by beth on 10/02 at 05:53 PM

Hey Ladies...guess what??? I am happily married, going on the 4th year...to my internet honey!!!  He had done the internet dating thing much longer than I had, but I thought is was fun and a great way to check guys out!  One thing I did learn quickly, is that lengthy email relationships “getting to know each other through an email relationship” was not the way for myself or my guy.  We had a week or so of great conversation, then decided to meet very quickly to see if there was any chemistry right away, instead of developing feelings for each other via email over an extended time...then finally meeting to find out that there just wasn’t enough of a spark to continue.  Well let me just say that there was QUITE A SPARK! WOO HOO!! We were engaged withing 6 months and married after a year! I have found my Knight in Silver Armour!
~dede

Posted by wtxgray on 10/02 at 06:40 PM

Wow Dede! That’s wonderful. Thanks for sharing!

Posted by beth on 10/03 at 04:44 AM

i know the internet can be a scary thing and safety first always ...but...isn’t a site like these better than a bar?
trust your gut...it is usually right even if you don’t want it to be!!
happy friday…
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 10/03 at 04:56 AM

Beth, I’m always the first to leave as well and for the same reason. I have also gone back and forth about wanting a relationship, but lately it’s become pretty clear that I’m just happier on my own and that’s okay. But my friends always tell me, Sal, never say never. So who knows, life happens when you’ve made plans and sometimes they’re not the same.

Dede, what a great story. Yes, I wasn’t much for prolonged emailing. Can’t really tell much with email. I like to see a persons eyes and expressions when they talk. Conveys a lot, sometimes betrays a lot. What a cool story for the grandkids.

Louann, it took me a while to learn the “trust your gut” lesson and you are right, we should listen to it. Bars, they’re good for one thing, drinking. I seem to have a hard enough time making smart decisions without adding alcohol to the mix, at least I’ve figured that out. And a happy friday to you. 

Posted by sallee on 10/03 at 08:27 AM

Oh, and this is really important.

I can fantasize all I want about Viggo Mortensen without even a tinge of guilt. 

Posted by sallee on 10/03 at 03:20 PM

hey i think richard gere with that great hair of his is ok too!!
speaking of viggo ...ever see “walk on the moon”...he’s the “blouse man” ....oh my…
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 10/04 at 05:42 AM

Oh yes Diana, I remember that movie. I think the internet is probably safer but you have to do your homework! I always doing a thorough google search and never reveal where I live until I feel OK about it.  Also I always bring my own car on the first few dates no matter how inconvenient it might seem. I know this is no guarantee, but short of background check this is the most I feel I can do.

Oh and I have to report--LOL I had a “Silver and the City” moment last night. Why do these things always seem to happen when one is dishelved, etc.  I had just come from my weight training and elliptical workout and I was hot and sweaty and my hair was just kind of pushed back carelessly. I had my IPOD chords hanging out from my pockets and I was a mess!:bug: The fitness center is near the mailboxes and I thought--I’ll just go and pick up my mail before I return to my apt.  Well I sense someone in back of me and as I am turning the key in my mailbox I turn and say oh excuse me...and a nice looking fellow says “Oh it’s OK I just have box right under yours...Then he says “oh are you my neighbor, “I’m xxxx, etc. Nice to meet you… and we proceed to chat while sorting our junk mail..” Now I realize this is just a casual meeting but it just goes to show you that it can happen anywhere--just when you don’t expect it!! 

Well on the question of the day...years ago I did once meet someone at work--these days this is a NO, NO for me--I just won’t go there...LOL but that lasted for about 4 years.  Part of me does long for the day when one could meet possible romantic interests during the course of the day and within the context of one’s life--but are these days gone forever?

Posted by beth on 10/04 at 08:36 AM

I happened to meet the love of my life at work.

Posted by RunnerGal on 10/04 at 12:46 PM

My partner and I have been together nearly 6 years and he is a few decades older than me. When we first got together we were BOTH colouring our hair back to an approximation of the shade we were in earlier years. I encouraged him to stop dyeing and a year or so ago he returned to a natural steely grey with white highlights which suits him very well. It took a while longer for me to follow suit but with his encouragement I’m there now too. He has been consistently supportive of the process, even my back to the wood phase which I found very scary. I have a photo on my noticeboard of the two of us dyed dark brown and I hardly recognise us. I must get a new one of our natural selves.

Posted by Sharon on 10/05 at 09:43 AM

Hey RunnerGal.  Me too.  I met the love of my life at work--he spotted me when I came into the office to interview for a paralegal position and wangled a date with a line he should have been embarrassed thinking up, much less using.  It worked though.  He’s almost four years younger than I am and we have been happily married for 28 years.  He’s a silver fox and has been for about 10 years now.  I’m pepper and with a touch o salt that he keeps telling me he loves.  Sigh...so lucky.

You gals who are internet dating have my open admiration.  You are brave and smart to be keeping up with how social lives work these days.  Go you!

Posted by SoCalSilver on 10/05 at 03:59 PM

I love hearing about these happy meetings and relationships!

Thanks for sharing. At the end of this week I’ll be meeting someone new who I’ve only emailed and spoken on the phone with (four a few weeks), due to the fact that he has been out of town and is returning. It’s always nerve wracking with these first meetings but I’m do have some optimism as well. I figure we will know right away when we meet in person if we want to continue to dating stage.

Thanks for your support grannycoed!

Posted by beth on 10/06 at 08:58 AM

Hi Beth, I’ll be thinking about you. I think a coffee date is always safe, in the morning before work then if you end up just staring at each other because hello is pretty much all you’ve said, you have an honest reason to say, hey, nice meeting you, but gotta get to work. 

I had a “date” with one guy who as soon as he started talking all he talked about the whole entire time was his soon to be ex-wife and all the stuff she’d done to him. I knew as soon as I saw him that it wouldn’t go any further, but after he started talking I kind of felt bad for him, he did seem like a nice guy. I just sat and listened to him and that was the extent of that date. I emailed him the next day and told him I thought he wasn’t ready to date yet and he needed to give himself some time to heal a bit before he dove in for the next round. He emailed back and said how sorry he was for unloading on me and said he appreciated me listening. I hope he’s doing better now. 

Can’t wait to hear how it goes.

Posted by sallee on 10/06 at 02:35 PM

Thanks Sallee!
I had a date like the one you described too! I know, I felt bad for him too. I like the way you handled it, very nice. I don’t think I was as graceful, I listened, but wasn’t sure how to gently let him down. I think I just didn’t return his phone call. I will remember what you said.

I will report back! Thanks again!

Posted by beth on 10/06 at 02:58 PM

I am a newbie in my 1st semester of becoming a silver fox. My mother looked gorgeous silver and men were chasing her all the time! She was picky, and knew how to keep them at bay sort of like the character played by Shirley Mclaine in ‘Terms of Endearment’.

I just wanted to tell you single gals NOT to rule out the internet. Myself and a good friend both found wonderful husbands online. Many a good guy doesn’t want to sit in a bar/ go to singles dances (where the wolves are), or they are so busy working they never meet anyone. My husband nearly fell out of his chair when he met me in person, because I looked like my photo. He said I was going to be his last internet date...and I was! Just be honest, and look at it as an opportunity to make new male friends...you never know!! We are best friends! He’s silver and in a few months we’ll complement each other color-wise...but for now he loves his reverse-skunk wife!;-)

Posted by 1Gardeningangel on 10/06 at 04:56 PM

I’m happily married, but I have to speak up for the ‘older’ guys here - my great guy was already a silver fox when I met & fell in love with him - I was 26 he was 45.  14 years later -he is proud of me for challenging convention & letting my true colors shine through.  They aren’t all old fogies - I got a good one, at least.

I do occasionally wonder how dating would be different if I were doing it at this stage of life, thanks for sharing your experiences.  Best of luck.  M

Posted by MsMika on 10/06 at 07:28 PM

I’m enjoying reading all of the stories here. Here’s mine: I met my husband at a wrestling match. No. He and I were not engaging in the wrestling and no. It wasn’t wrestling as in WWE. A friend took me took me to a high school wrestling match in the neighboring, rival town she was from. My husband and I saw each other there, and he began calling. We dated a year and a half and were married at the ripe old ages of 19 and 20. I am 7 months older, so I was 20 and he turned 20 a few weeks after we were married. Today I cringe at how young we were. :o)

I like to say that meeting at a wrestling match must have been a sign, or a type of warning about our marriage. We have surely done our share of wrestling, as in “power struggle.”

But almost 25 years later and 2 grown children, life has been good together. We’ve had some tough times along the way, but still are in love with each other. I’d do it all over again if I had the chance. Even since going gray, he says I look better than the day we married. I suppose it’s either his deepened love for me or his eyes are going. Either way, I’m enjoying the compliment as long as he gives it.

Some people decide to divorce after their kids are grown, as if the kids were the glue holding them together. Now that we are at this point I do understand it better. My husband and I are both very different than the day we married, but we have chosen to grow and change together, even when it’s been tough. Our core values are the same, but it’s amazing how different we are, really. It’s like starting over again. I guess where some people find it too challenging, we have found it quite exciting and adventurous, actually.

Just wanted to throw in our love story. I’m intrigued by all of the internet stories, etc. I was just a small town girl who met a small town guy 6 miles away. I think life was just simpler back then in the good old days. :o)

I wish all of you the best in your relationships!

Posted by greeneyes on 10/07 at 06:55 AM

Wow greeneyes, what a beautiful description of your marriage and relationship with your husband.

I admire how you and your husband have met the challenge of change with a sense of adventure.  That’s so cool (pardon the old school expression).

Great insights! Thanks for sharing your story.

Posted by beth on 10/07 at 07:33 AM

Hi again silver foxes...thanks for the welcome Diana. I will send in a photo, soon. I know calling myself a reverse-skunk is a little bizarre...but that’s how I am feeling now...I am completely white silver around the face and dark pewter/silver in the back for about three inches...with the remnants of what I call “tinkle yellow” with some multi-colored brown at the ends. I was a brunette for many years, started finding silver patches at 21...colored at home many years. My hair is so thick I used to have to buy 2 pks of color, and still I’d find a patch I had missed. I colored many towels, shirts, and had to scrub dye specks out of tile grout for years. Had to go professional after the big “40”...they liked to do two processes to me..which began to frizz me and made my hair very unhealthy for $250 every 5 weeks( and that only looked OK for 2 wks b/c the skunk-line always appeared after 2 wks!)Finally I made the decision I wasn’t going to get colored..had to quit 2 hairdressers b/c they had a problem with my decision!It’s my hair...and besides this silver is supposed to be “wisdom” and I earned every one of the suckers!! LOL! My plan is to maybe silverize when this finishes growing...I hope soon...I don’t want to chop all my hair off now..so I will continue to be “skunky” for a while!Personally, I think the silver white is more flattering to my olive skin and green eyes...I just never felt pretty as a blond for long (about 2wks...was all I got for $250!).

Posted by 1Gardeningangel on 10/07 at 01:23 PM

Hi Gardeningangel, welcome and yes, please do pictures. I haven’t given up on internet dating just giving it a break for awhile. I’ve decided to just have some me time. It is a good way to meet people, you just have to be smart and safe about it. I actually met two guys that I thought were great, neither one worked out but that’s okay.

Mika, I do know a few really cool older guys. One that I dated for a while was just the greatest man. I loved everything we did together, he was so much fun, however, he ended it because people always thought I was his daughter and it just got to him after awhile. We stayed friends for a time and then we lost touch. That was about 15 years ago and I’ve never met another “older” man that was as cool as he was.

Greeneyes, you have a great story!! For being so young when you married and to still be together and most important, still in love with one another. I can’t even imagine how much work you’ve put into your relationship and it’s obviously paid off. How wonderful to have each other, have history together and children. Wow.

Posted by sallee on 10/07 at 01:39 PM

Beth and Sallee - Thanks for your nice comments. Yes, I guess it has been a lot of work, but totally worth it. It’s funny how when things are good, it doesn’t seem like work...but when they are difficult, it’s hard work for sure. I suppose it is the same with any type of relationship we have. I’m enjoying reading about your experiences with dating. To me, dating sounds like work! :o)

Posted by greeneyes on 10/07 at 02:01 PM

well...i am with you there greeneyes..too much work…
i met my husband at a high school football game in 1971 he was 17 i was 16… (just like that song from sound of music..) anyway we married in 1977 and well i have to say it has been a pretty darn good ride!! with tons more miles to go !!! i always said i’d go gray when he finally started and then i figured forget it because no one in his family seems to be gray and he is the youngest at 54!! but just lately i see more on the top then before and of course the sides were always a bit “dusty”.. Is that a good adjective?? ....anyway our youngest is a senior in high school so now we are facing the famous EMPTY nest...well we got a tast of it this summer for a few weeks while the youngest was out of town and frankly it was lovely..we could eat what and when and where we wanted ..catch a movie early or late… i noticed a sense of relaxation that was pleasent...and honestly our kids are pretty darn good…
anyway there you have it ...high school sweethearts ..
i feel blessed that i can say for sure...in good times and in bad
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 10/07 at 02:50 PM

Louann - I enjoyed your story!

I have one child getting married next May and then one still living at home, though I know it won’t be long till she is out of the house, also. My youngest graduated in 2007, so though they are still at home, my husband and I are basically free. Sometimes I say they just sleep at home. :o) It really is nice to do what we want again!  But we also have great kids. We all are close and we feel very blessed.

My husband only has a few grays though he is losing his hair. I figure the balding evens out my graying. :o) Either way, we are healthy and still feel young, so that is the most important thing.

Thanks for sharing your family story.

Posted by greeneyes on 10/07 at 04:03 PM

Hi everyone.  I’m so happy to find this site!  This is my first time on (thanks to a friend for the link).  I’ve really enjoyed looking around the site, and when I found this topic (esp. the posts about online dating) I thought I’d chime in.  I met my (now) husband online when I responded to his personal ad on Pridigy back in 1992.  We emailed and phoned for almost 2 years before meeting in person.  We will celebrate our 10-year anniversary this Friday

I’m 41 and have been letting my natural color come in since May.  I’ve had a chunky white stripe of hair in the front along with lots of grays since my early teens.  My mother was very prematurely gray as well.  I started coloring my hair (or at least the skunk stripe) when I was about 16 and colored all over for the next 25 years.  Gosh!

My husband is prematurely gray as well, having all silver (now white) hair ever since I’ve known him.  With this in mind I was surprised to hear him say, “I’m not sure I’m ready for a “gray wife”.  What?!  <haha… I now have about 3” grown out!> He and our 4 children are all on board now

SSaS! (Sophisticated, Sexy and Silver! )
Karen M in Florida

Posted by SSaS on 10/08 at 03:45 PM