Shernobyl, thanks for the friendly reply!!  I absolutely plan to decide what’s best for me.  So far my silver isn’t all that apparent [except to me] so there has not been any negative comments, just a few humorous remarks from my daughter and grandaughter.  Just had a nice short cut this morning and really glad that I did!  Now I can just keep trimming every few weeks until all the natural color [not really sure what THAT is] comes in.  Glad to hear that your husband loves your hair, like I said previously, my hubby has never known me with my natural color and yet he is very easy going about all of this.  I guess we are both fortunate.

Posted by lulubell on 08/12 at 05:48 PM

Shernobyl- I had to comment on your dreams...I’m 8 months into transitioning, and a couple or so months ago I had a recurring dream that I went to get a trim and my stylist colored my hair without me realizing it until it was done. I was so mad at her, and upset I would have to start over. I just thought it was funny you also had similar dreams...some kind of trauma over transitioning, I suppose. :o)

Posted by greeneyes on 08/12 at 05:53 PM

Diana(Hi!) and lulubell,
For me the “Addiction” was a challenge. I had to put some hair color back on the shelf one time when I was half way through transitioning. I circled the store a few times and finally decided against it.

This site really helps me stay focused and its funny how many women I see at various places who look somewhere around my age going gray too. Kinda’ cool!

And lulubell, I think sometimes its hard to part with somewhat longer locks, but I kind of did a short Jamie Lee Curtis kinda’ thing and the transition went WAY faster! and my friends (even if they didn’t like the gray) raved about the cool cut.

That ws funny about your dream greeneyes...that was part of what I thought too. OH MAN...now I’ve got to start all over! 

Posted by Shernobyl on 08/12 at 08:34 PM

Well, my sisters have seen my “new” hair and it was so exciting. I haven’t seen them in a year and, of course, the gray was the first thing they saw. I am the youngest of the three of us and now the grayest. One sister has changed her hair to a head of blonde highlights, on a head that was once pitch black, and the other has opted for a red color. Eventually one sister told me if she knew her hair would come in as beautiful as mine, she would go natural. Which I can only take as the ultimate compliment. The questions were many, and the only way I answered was, “What you see is what you get”. Just get used to it, because there is no returning to a life of unnatural color. This hair has “grown” on me and I do love it. Everybody just maintain a stiff upper lip and be proud we are bucking the idea that gray equals old. The comments I have received since going gray have been nothing but postitive and I can only hope everyone else’s experience has been the same. Until next time, America, good day! Love ya!! Deb

Posted by abouttobegray on 08/13 at 03:44 PM

Sounds like you had a great time with your sisters, Deb.
I know there were so many times that I wondered how my hair would go gray. And my husband offered me reassurance by saying to try it “‘cause you’re only one box of hair color away from going back to how your hair was before”. That kind of made me braver....but Im so glad that you’ve had so much good feedback!
I’ve been out of the loop for awhile....is your picture up on the site yet?
shernobyl

Posted by Shernobyl on 08/13 at 05:47 PM

You know, I am so pleased with my gray hair that I may, for the first time in my adult life, have a professional take my picture to post on this site. The women’s pictures on this site have encouraged me so much, the pictures I take don’t do them justice. Several weeks ago I picked up a box of hair color and immediately put it back on the shelf. The decision to stop coloring my hair was, probably, one of the toughest personal decision I have ever made. Still don’t know why it was so hard for me. Just the thought of others thinking I would look old disturbed me but, with age comes wisdom and I’m finally able to live for myself. The conversations and the photos help so much, even if you don’t get the encouragement from the ones closest to you. Talk at you later! Deb

Posted by abouttobegray on 08/14 at 06:04 AM

Hi Deb, glad you’re about-to-be-gray and looking forward to seeing your photo.  I’m sure none of us who posted think ours are the greatest pictures of us but we do it anyway!  Believe me, I have at least one I wouldn’t mind deleting…

It is really so great to finally get to a place where you really don’t care what others will say.  Sure, we’d all like our decision to be validated and even celebrated, but when you are ready to say “I’m doing it for me!” and let others say what they will, you feel so strong and confident.

Posted by newbie2 on 08/14 at 06:07 AM

i totally agree with you ...it feels right...i read an article (it was another woman who wrote about her going natural experience ) about a woman who had decided to go gray and she told everyone she knew about her decision...that is what i found to be so helpful for me...i just tell people what i am doing...that way it keeps them from wondering if i realize “my roots are showing” ...  i have found that some of my friends have had the same thoughts...but they will let me pave the way…

Posted by lainla3 on 08/29 at 10:46 PM

all i can say is I LOVE THIS SITE!!! i can hardly wait (here is that impatience thing again !!  ) to try out some really fun style for my hair...makeup (which i don’t wear alot of) really my OVERALL sense of style...that is going to be sooo much fun to play with!! i am looking at this as a “fun” mid life AWAKENING !!!
thank you for this wonderful site ...i think there should be a gray convention and out name tags are our “before” pics!!! “if you build it they will come”....
seriously ...
thank you thank you thank you
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 08/30 at 05:58 AM

On sponsors for a “gray” convention. How about Proctor & Gamble, for their silver Pantene shampoo and conditioner, or several of the other great hair care providers out there? Centrum Silver? Revlon age-defying make-up? I’m sure there are plenty of companies that would love to have a bunch of great-looking gray ladies backing their products. I have found since I have gone silver-gray, my whole outlook on color has changed. Especially in my clothing and what highlights my hair. It’s great! I can think of nothing better than getting together with others and hearing their tips. I can envision style shows, make-up boothes, and on, and on. Okay, I’m starting to ramble but you get my drift. Think about it, Diana, many, many more books! Debbie

Posted by abouttobegray on 08/30 at 03:42 PM

oh and think of the make up companies that would love to make us look even lovlier....and there might be some of us who may want to highlight/lowlight and all that other stuff...some may want to enhance the natural color etc etc…
honelstly diana it would be fun to get together with or without sponsers… kind of like a giant pot luck!!!!

louann

Posted by lainla3 on 08/31 at 12:59 AM

Thank you all!  It is so empowering to hear your stories.  I started seeing gray hairs in my teens and have been dying my hair so long I had no idea what it looked like anymore.  I have been thinking about letting it go natural for a long time, and economic hardships has given me the perfect excuse.  I cut my hair short to start the transitioning.  My hair stylists said it would probably take 3-4 more short haircuts for a total transition.  I have been off the bottle for 10 weeks now, so it is starting to look a little funky.  I am 47, and my mom just turned 77.  She is very youthful, still dyes her hair, works full time and most people probably think she is in her early 60s.  I know I told her about going natural when I cut my hair short, but I guess she didn’t hear me.  This past weekend, she found out from my cousin that I was letting the gray grow in.  When I saw her on Sunday, she said, “I heard some very disturbing news!” I anxiously asked what was the matter, and she told me that she heard I was letting the gray grow in.  She just said over and over, getting louder and louder, “DON’T DO IT!  DON’T DO IT!” I didn’t think she would be happy about the idea, but I did not expect such a strong response.  I told her my reasons, and she shot down each one.
“It’s too expensive”
“I’ll pay for it!”
On Monday, she sent me the following email:

I was just telling some of my co-workers what a horrible thing you are doing to me!!!!  Most of them agree with me and Nancy even had a suggestion that if you don’t like using chemicals, there is a natural product that you can get in the Vitamin Store and it has all natural ingredients.  It’s call a henna treatment with all shades.  If you want it darker, you mix it with coffee instead of water.

Now, isn’t that a great solution!

I’ll love you either way!  Mom

Any suggestions for handling this situation?  When I told my mom that I did not appreciate the tone of her email, she accused me of not having a sense of humor, and then starting crying and I had to apologize for making her feel bad.

Sorry this is so long, but thanks again for your stories - I am very happy to have found this site!

Posted by gremlincollie on 09/19 at 07:42 AM

Oh my, gremlincollie, I really feel for you!  This is a very strong response but it really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your mom and her views on aging.  She can deny growing older with her youthful appearance, continuing to work full time, etc.  This will “fool” others, but having a daughter go gray essentially blows her cover.  I think this was the reason my father was a little uncomfortable with my grayness when I saw him this summer (he lives on the other side of the country so I only see him once a year), although he admitted that he thought I looked good.  I think this transitioning process really forces us to stand up for ourselves in ways not all of us are used to doing.  We have to smile and say “Thank-you for your opinion [albeit unsolicited sometimes] but I have my reasons for doing this and I have made up my mind.” You don’t have to list the reasons because, as you’ve discovered, people have all kinds of ‘solutions’.  Sigh.  Opposition is strong to this particular decision!  Hang tough!

Posted by newbie2 on 09/19 at 07:49 AM

Thanks, newbie2.  Your response brought tears to my eyes, but your encouragement has brought strength to my soul!
I will hang tough!

Posted by gremlincollie on 09/19 at 07:58 AM

gremlincollie - I feel your pain.  When I announced my decision to my 65 year old mother, her response was “I’m not old enough to have a daughter with GRAY HAIR.” Then she burst out in tears.  Oh my.  Wasn’t expecting that.  She also tried just about every tactic known to mom-hood to convince me not to do such an awful thing.  She even brought out my high school graduation photo to show my how pretty I look with my dark brown hair.  I’m 45.  I graduated when I was 18.  Of course I look older now. 

I thought she was going to have to be hospitalized when I told her I’d given myself a buzz cut.  She survived it.

On the good side, she has completely changed her opinion since I’ve proceeded despite her very serious concerns for my attractiveness.

The last time I saw her she said, “I can’t get over how pretty your hair is.  It’s so shiny.  And your skin tone looks so rosy.  You always used to look so pale and washed out.  Now you look radiant.  And elegant.  And sophisticated.  I’M NOT GIVING IN THOUGH!!!  I AM NOT GOING TO STOP DYING MY HAIR.

Who asked her to?  Geez.

Anyway, the whole point is that they are just being Mom.  They get over it.  They adjust.  Hang in there.

And do not use the henna.  I tried it.  Turned my hair an awful brassy orangy brown.  Maybe I should have added the coffee? 

Posted by lisagreen on 09/19 at 08:04 AM

Whew! Did you ever imagine wanting your god-given color to come in would throw your mom for such a loop?  Maybe once you’re totally transitioned and she sees how great you look and how happy you are about it, she’ll lighten up a bit. I’m guessing the horrible thing you’re doing to her is, if you two are together and you have your natural color and she has her dyed hair, it of course, will cause people to wonder why your mom is coloring her hair if you don’t. She sounds like a real pistol. We’ll give you all the support you can handle.    and glad you found the site too.

Posted by sallee on 09/19 at 08:11 AM

gremlincollie…

I was just thinking how “going natural” should really be the easiest thing we have ever done, but it’s NOT the easiest thing we have ever done, and why!? BECAUSE OF OTHER PEOPLE - their opinions, perceptions, attitudes…

Sometimes I think we have become a culture that despises aging, instead of embracing life until the end and doing our best with it. Denying we are getting older by hiding our grays, etc....cannot change the fact that we all are aging. And besides, we look so much better with our natural colors.

I just wanted to add some encouragement that our parents have not always agreed with every life choice we have made, so this is just another one of those. Maybe you could invite your mom to look at the stories and the pictures on this site to warm her up to the idea. And Diana’s book is a great eye-opener as well. There are such beautiful women, shining in their natural colors...their smiling faces are hard to argue with! :o)

Best wishes - and by the way - consider sending in some pictures to join the newbies so we can cheer you on in your transition!

Posted by greeneyes on 09/19 at 08:20 AM

Just wanted to add my 2 cents on the mother thing. I lost my mom when I was 21....so I would love to have a mom to be giving me grief about not coloring my hair, and I’m sure she would’ve. So just chalk it up to their generation, smile and be thankful you still have her disagree with! I really don’t mean this to sound preachy or condisending...just to give another perspective.

My sister, who is 3 ears young thant me, burst into tears as she was telling her husband that I was going gray! It was just days from her 40th birthday!
But later she said she wasn’t surprised I was doing it, that I always had to be “diffrent”! She and I used to argue over Emmylou Harris’ decison not to color. I always LOVED her hair gray and my sister said she’d like to get a hold of it and dye it for her! LOL

Lori

Posted by Plinkette on 09/19 at 08:24 AM

Lori - some good perspecive there.

My mom is a peach when it comes to going natural. She never colored her hair and has a beautiful white, though very short hair. I guess her hair is a lot like Jamie Lee Curtis’, now that I think about it. She used to make me feel badly about coloring it, so I had the opposite issue with her. Now she is so thrilled I am gray. She says, “Oh, you will love it! You will look younger!” and on and on. I think she resented the fact that I didn’t follow her lead sooner and ended up coloring for so many years. Maybe my mom felt insulted when I colored - in the same way some moms feel insulted when their daughter’s stop coloring? So funny. I have wondered how I will feel if my 21 year old daughter colors when she sees gray. I saw my first grays at 25 so she shouldn’t have too many more years, unless she takes after her dad who only has a few grays. My son is 19 and already has a few grays. I’ll try to be a nice mom either way. :o)

Posted by greeneyes on 09/19 at 08:39 AM

Just a funny story...my son came home from school recently and told me about a girl he likes in his class.  He told me how old she was, things she liked, and then he said “Oh, and Mom guess what?  She already has some gray hair!” My response was:  “Right on!” He laughed.  Think maybe my pro-gray enthusiasm is going too far, there…

Posted by newbie2 on 09/19 at 09:13 AM

p.s. my son is 15 and the girl in question is 16...I was 18 when I recall seeing my first gray.

Posted by newbie2 on 09/19 at 09:14 AM

*Group hug* Wow!  Thank you so much.  Your support and suggestions mean the world to me right now.  It is very helpful to put things in perspective, and thanks Plinkette for reminding me to be grateful for what I have.
I’ll keep you posted on the progress.

Posted by gremlincollie on 09/19 at 09:45 AM

Just read this in my daily planner - the quote of the day…

“The eyes of other people are the eyes that ruin us. If all but myself were blind, I should want neither fine clothes, fine houses, nor fine furniture.” - Benjamin Franklin

I hope Ben doesn’t mind, but I want to add..."nor would I have EVER dyed my hair!”

Posted by greeneyes on 09/19 at 10:12 AM

gremlincollie, My mother passed away in 2002 and although I miss her tremendously, she would have been the last person to support me in this transition. Recently I met my goal weight with WW and still cannot decide if the words my mother always said to me were a deterent to my weight loss. She always called the department store I shopped, the Fat shop, and would always tell me she would buy me a new wardrobe if I would just lose weight. Did I not lose weight because of her words? Why was I finally able to succeed only after her death? The words spoken by our Mothers echo in our minds and hearts forever but ultimately we have to decide how to lead our lives. I am thankful for this site, it lets me know there are others having the same struggles. It also makes me mindful of the words I speak to my own daughter. I can only hope she knows I love her in whatever decisions she makes in life.

We are all strong women and we are not going to let societies perceptions of gray rule the way we live or the decisions we make. This is an individual, healthful way to look at reality. We are all getting older and since this site, SMARTER!!

Sorry to ramble but I just know this is one of the better things I have done for my life. Deb

Posted by abouttobegray on 09/19 at 10:34 AM

wow ladies this is great dialogue!! mothers and daughters...i am both!!!
my mom would have liked the fact that i ws going natural...it is my kids that are giving me the grief...adn the other day at the salon when my sisters stylist gave me such grief...my sis was a bit embarrased because she has been begging me to do this for years...BUT i was not ready… I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO READY FOE SOMETHING in along time!!! i am having a ball...daily i am hoping someone will look at me and gaze up just a bit so i can say ...I AM LETTING MY GRAY COME IN !!!i love when the wind blows and i hear the santa ana winds are comming to town !!! whooooo hoooo!!...i don’t care about the 2 reunions comming up either...just started a new job and now i have my pal breaking the habit with me!!! this is fun...i feel like i am in high school again!! i was never much of a rebel rouser then but now wow let me go!!!let someone tell me WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???
alas i ramble..
have fun and don’t worry about mom she sounds like a great gal really working at 77!! just give her a hug and tell her i am my own person mom JUST LIKE YOU !!!
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 09/19 at 04:10 PM

This is great dialogue and it makes me wonder if our mothers would have had access to this site thirty years ago, there probably would have been a huge decline in the hair color industry.

I love my short gray hair and my daughter loves it, too.

Still makes me wonder why this is such a huge, nerve-wracking decision to make. I really burned alot of daylight dreading the day when I would quit coloring. But, you know, the world didn’t end. It just got a little easier to manage.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Deb

Posted by abouttobegray on 09/19 at 04:25 PM

My mother is now 86. She was a towhead as a child and a dark blonde as an adult. She never did color her hair and I don’t remember any transitioning discussions. She is so happy when I go visit, that she wouldn’t care if my hair was green. I guess I’m lucky in this.

I have been a bit disappointed that no one seems to notice that my gray is growing in. If I bring it up with friends, they acknowledge it but say that it isn’t very noticeable. So I am left wondering if: 1.) they think it’s awful and don’t want to tell me or 2.) it really doesn’t look very silvery and I am going to be wearing a mousey color. Oh, my!    I pray that the Hair Goddess gives me my share of Silver hair!!! (If she doesn’t, I’m going to be really sad!!!)

Posted by DianeW on 10/03 at 06:59 PM

Hi Diane W...I could’ve written this myself a few months back.  I still don’t hear much from others about my hair unless I prompt them.  In my case, I don’t have quite as much gray as I thought, although in certain lights what I have sure is noticeable.  I also don’t have a glorious mane of silver a la Diana or Elizabeth, or a cool metallic colour like Deb B...it’s just gray mixed with the same old moussy brown I always had.  BUT--it’s mine, it’s shiny, it’s soft, and I don’t have to go to a salon (or a store) to get it!  I get all the same benefits that others do by giving up colour, without--for now--all the rave reviews.  That’s okay, and that will change over time as more of the shiny gray/silver emerges.  Just remember all the benefits you’re reaping by giving up colour and tell yourself all the nice things you’d like to hear from others!

Posted by newbie2 on 10/04 at 03:37 AM

I have to agree with you newbie2.  My grow-out is VERY apparent to me, yet I never get the feedback that I assumed I would.  There is a good deal of whitish looking hair mixed in with my (new to me) natural dark blond (Not to mention the neon yellow dyed ends).  I look at it this way, for the first time in many years I will actually get to see my natural hair color.  This in itself is very exciting!  Then I will be able to transition naturally and enjoy the ENTIRE process.  I also can’t wait for the day that the last bit of dyed hair hits the floor and I too shall be FREE

Posted by lulubell on 10/04 at 04:33 AM

By the way, what is a towhead?  I have heard the term many times and have always wondered what color it is

Posted by lulubell on 10/04 at 04:37 AM

a tow head is that perfect white/blonde hair that you see on kids what i want to know is how did they come up with tow or is it toe…

can’t agree more about the “wow i thought it would be different”...as far as the color goes…
i think that the inbetween color time just always looked so WHITE but now i see as the time goes by without the color that there really is quite a bit of dark and with the fading of the dye the contrast is not nearly what i thought..plus i am convinced (and i was a bit naive) my kids thought (and me a little too) that it was going to come in like SNOW where in acuality it is going to turn into this lovely blend of salt and pepper ...so as i have said before it is all about attitude and i am going to look for the positive adj. to describe our color… we all know from this site that we can add products to take away dullness...think back on the coloring process...how long really did it look great? about 2 weeks? then the effects of sun constant shampooing,blow drying etc...and i would go thru this about every 5-6 weeks ??!! it feels great to be free of all that dullness bring on the ASH!!
happy sat morning to all
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 10/04 at 05:37 AM

Lainia,
It is “towhead”.
“Tow means ‘flax or hemp fiber’, and so tow headed is literally ‘flaxen haired’”

It is nice to hear that others have been in this position. At first, it didn’t seem like I was going to have much gray at all. Now I can see some streaks in front. I do look more like my father’s side of the family and my paternal grandmother never went totally gray...she also had streaks in front. Anything will be better than having that “brown helmet” look. Things might seem to go faster if I quit watching my hair so closely! I already use a purple shampoo once a month to brighten up the silver that I do have. Lulubell and Lainia, from your pictures, both of you look like you will have beautiful gunmetal gray.

Wouldn’t it be a kick to line up about 20-30 of us when we are all done and arrange us from lightest to darkest gray and then take a photo of the graduated colors from both the front and the back? Think of the glorious range on gray/silver we would have!

Posted by DianeW on 10/04 at 06:52 AM

i like that “gun metal” color! i am thinking the same...my mother was that pure white...but she was more the flaxen haired then deep auburn then pure white...my sister though is silvery pewter...i think we take after dads side..italian coloring...we shall see...we are a work in progress!!
i am hoping to put our “Crowns” on display at our so cal meeting in 2 weeks!!!
louann

Posted by lainla3 on 10/04 at 07:01 AM

I will take whatever shade I get, anything will be better than the fake color I have been living with for too many years.  Thanks DianeW for the info on toweads!  I will be getting another cut soon and will most likely be able to see the color I DO have.

Posted by lulubell on 10/04 at 07:20 AM