Calling all “preemies”
If you went gray at an early age, this is your spot to talk about it. Do you feel special, unique, full of self-confidence? Love it? Hate it? Vent!
Posted by Diana Jewell on 12/11 at 08:08 PM
Well, I guess I should start since I am the “ultimate” preemie, haha. Well, for those that are new to the site, I’m Kendall and a 19 year old college sophomore from California, originally from Arkansas. I am definitely unique in that I am almost all gray. Premature gray does run on both sides of my family, but it got to me a lot faster than it did my parents. Not only do I feel unique, but unbelieveably empowered. I know that not everyone feels the same way that I do, but it has empowered me to the point that I’ve been able to make decisions that I didn’t think about 2 or 3 years ago. I started going gray at 16, but it really really accelerated in the past several months. I appreciate Ms. Diana and everything that she does. I’d love to see more of the younger grays post on here. I’m sure there are a lot more of us than people realize.
Kendall
Posted by kendall88athlete on 01/04 at 09:19 AM
Yup—that’s why I put this blog in here. For you, and all the other preemies. Even if you’re a “past-preemie” you can still tell us how you felt about it at the time. Hope to hear from lots of you! D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/04 at 06:30 PM
Looking for advice!!!
I started graying (only a few) at age 15. Now at 38, I’m about 85-90% gray in front and perhaps 30-40% gray in the back. Not really sure because even though I tell my kids I have eyes in the back of my head, I really don’t!
Anyway, my hair used to be dark brown but through years of coloring is now a mid-warm chestnutty color. When I do use a product such as a permanent dye, I get regrowth in the form of a halo around my face after about 5-6 days. Even when I had it professionally done.
I guess I just can’t stand it anymore? If I let it all “go” gray, what about the contrast from front to back. Anyway, just looking for input, especially from other preemies! Thanks for listening…
Mothrluv
Posted by mothrluv on 01/18 at 11:44 AM
Well Mothrluv, I have never dyed, so I can’t help you. I’m sure one of the other ladies in here who have dyed can help you a lot more. Let me ask you this. Do you want to go gray? Do you feel old? That’s a unique coverage of gray. Does premature gray run in your family? Let me know if I can help.
Kendall
Posted by kendall88athlete on 01/18 at 02:27 PM
Hi Mothrluv—Welcome to the Café! I see one “preemie” has answered you, and I do wish we’d hear from more. But in the meantime, I can chime in with advice for your state of gray now, because the “preemie” status is over. You’re right on schedule! I do think the 85-90% of gray in the front is because of your young graying. The back? Well, it’s just showing a normal pattern. Now, what to do about it? You’ve found out the hard way that white roots seem to show up faster, particularly if there is significant contrast to the color of your hair. It’s a hard upkeep battle. Some women have to go back to their colorists (or the little brown bottle) in two weeks time. For others, it’s less. You say your “halo” comes in 5-6 days. No WAY you should color that often—your hair will turn to straw.
I’d suggest you go talk to a good colorist about blending away the gray in the back. First, by softening that “chestnutty” color a bit, and then by weaving in some lighter tones, particularly around the face. You’ll have to go MUCH less often, and you can start letting the grays (whites?) show a little more each time, just to see if you like that effect. Because Kendall asked a good question—do you want to go gray?
By the way, this is NOT something I would try at home. Blending requires a lot of artistry, and a colorist would know the right shades to compliment the tonality you’ve got going on.
On the other hand, if you decide to just let the gray come it, contrast is part of the deal. A lot of us have that. I did. My hair in front and on the top is pretty white. In back, it’s a mix. I call it pewter. We ALL hope our white will spread! And if we get impatient for that (which I’m starting to), a good colorist can add highlights, very silvery/icy highlights. The good thing is, you simply don’t have to go as often as other women who color their hair all over. You can space appointments out 6-8 weeks or more. Good luck with this, let me know what you decide to do, and if it works out for you. Diana
Posted by Diana Jewell on 01/19 at 11:14 AM
Hi Mutherluv, I too am a preemie, I started to go gray at 13 and by 21 was 90% grey. My hair always seemed more grey on the top than at the sides or back, so I understand your problem. I have been dying my hair for 20 years, and my hair is very fragile because of it.
I have been going to a salon for the last 3 years as I was afraid my hair was going to start falling out, and last week I have decided to go to a salt and pepper look, I really like Halle Berry’s hair in X-men, when It was short. My colorist is going to try and blend a silver through the dark I have now, up to my roots which are silver white.
We think if we do the blending in such a way as to mix the silver in, the silver will look more like highlight/lowlights. If you are considering going grey talk to someone who does color for a living, explain what you want and why. My colorist has been great for my hair.
I was afraid it would be damaging, but thought about the fact I have to color every 4 weeks to hide the grey, and I figure if we just make the change, I can panic and change it the next month if I hate it.
Besides Silver is very hot right now.
I will let you know how it works.
Posted by TyffanieT on 02/28 at 04:47 PM
Hi Tyffanie—Glad you joined us! Hope you do get the Halle Berry X-Men look. For those of you who don’t know what it is, go to Gray Today and click on the article Hip, Hip, Hooray. Agreed—a very cool look.
Curious about what your “natural” color is, or what color you’ve been using on it for 20 years. Also—what percentage of silver white roots do you have? I would guess a pretty healthy one, since you’ve been graying since you were 13!
You’re very right about going to a pro (colorist, not just a stylist), once you have a chemical history. Nuancing hair is not something you want to do at home, alone, with rubber gloves!
Once you do get the look you want, we’d all love to see a pic! D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 02/28 at 06:39 PM
Tyffanie, if you had it to do all over again, would you have let the gray come in or dyed it? Does premature gray run in your family? It does for me on both sides. Let me know if you’d like my e-mail address. I wouldn’t mind talking to you and I can tell you some of my experiences as an almost 20 year old gray college student.
Kendall
Posted by kendall88athlete on 02/29 at 01:53 PM
Hi,
I am just starting the process of going natural and will be visiting my hair stylist this week to get a cut and I’d like to find more pictures of haircuts for gray/white hair. My face is very young, even though I am 37, and I am concerned about going suddenly from “are you a student?” to aging about 30 years overnight with a color change and mature haircut. Do you know of any sights for more youthful haircut ideas? Thanks!!!!
Posted by ladygrey on 03/17 at 09:05 AM
Hi Ladygrey—Welcome to the Café. I’m glad you’re looking for ways to really showcase your gray as it comes in. But gotta say—there’s no such thing as a “cut for gray hair”—just as there’s no such thing as a cut for brown, blonde, or auburn hair. In fact, a short, choppy modern cut is one of the best ways to show off gray!
If you have a young look, your stylist should know to give you a style to go with it. Forget the “mature” thing. Gray/silver hair doesn’t limit your choices. Transitioning hair is another thing. Your stylist should consider little tricks to maybe change (or zigzag) your part so roots are less obvious, or cut in a way that actually helps “blend” the hair with layers. It’s all in picking the right stylist - one who knows the trends, is capable of delivering them, and will work WITH you and your color, too!
But you asked for site ideas that showcase cuts. Go to http://www.hairshow.us. It’s a professional salon site, but down at the bottom of the homepage, they have something called Hairstyles Gallery. If you click on that, you can choose from short, medium, long—and even gala and wedding styles, if you’re in the mood. It’s a start. But there are tons of hairstyle sites all over the internet. Happy hunting—and let us know how it turns out! D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 03/17 at 09:46 AM
Hi Diana,
Thank you so much. Hairshow.us is a great website and I found a couple of cuts I really like.
Your book really helped me to get the courage to try to go gray… and to enjoy the journey. Thank you again and I will keep a photo diary to track the changes. LG
Posted by ladygrey on 03/17 at 10:30 AM
Oh good—and thanks for the nice words about the book! Now, while you’re keeping your photo diary—hope you send it in, and we’ll see you in “Newbies!” 
D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 03/17 at 11:15 AM
Hi there ladygrey!! Nice to see another premie in here! About what percentage would you say your hair is gray now? I wouldn’t worry too much about having a “young looking” face and gray hair. My attitude is this: your friends and family will love and accept you for who you are, no matter what you are. Anyone that has a problem, well, its their loss if they don’t want to be your friend. That’s just the way I see it. I’m an oddball, but I try to be positive. There’s enough negative in this world for us to worry about anyways.
Kendall
Posted by kendall88athlete on 03/17 at 07:03 PM
Thanks Kendall. You have such a great attitude! I’m not sure what the percentage is yet. My part is a salt and pepper mix, but my right side seems to have a streak coming in that is more white than gray. If I had to guess maybe 75%? I may learn more tomorrow with my first cut. I currently have shoulder length naturally curly hair that has a medium brown dye from the last time I used a box. I don’t think I am ready to go mega short yet, especially since my roots are probably only an inch. I am going to have my husband take a “before” picture tonight and “after” when I get home tomorrow. 
Posted by ladygrey on 03/18 at 05:37 AM
Hi,
I just got back from my first haircut (without any coloring) and I am very pleased. I talked to my stylist and she was very supportive, which was great. I told her I didn’t think I could go short right now and she agreed that she liked the length and just took an inch off. She styled it a little differently, but I like it. I will take a photo tonight. The journey has begun!
Posted by ladygrey on 03/19 at 10:19 AM
Yay, ladygrey! It’s an exciting time! Glad you like the cut, and that your stylist was supportive. Can’t wait to see your pics! D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 03/19 at 11:08 AM
Hi ladygrey,
I stopped coloring my hair when I was 36, I was also afraid of the “30 years” overnight! I have experienced just the opposite! Yeh...there are going to be those folks out there that are “silver blind”, but a lot of people love it. I think my biggest challenge in the past is how I feel about the color of my hair. I turn 40 in a couple of months and have had a few “I gotta color” moments. Then, I found this wonderful web site! I tell ya...it’s totally chased any of those “gray haired blues” away!
Look forward to hearing more about your “silverfox” journey!
Elizabeth
Posted by elizabeth on 03/19 at 05:35 PM
Ladygrey, there are more young gray women that people realize. You will always have a strong support group here.
Kendall
Posted by kendall88athlete on 03/19 at 06:49 PM
Thanks everyone!!!! This is the first day I haven’t just combed my hair straight back to hide the roots in my part and it’s kind of liberating.
Posted by ladygrey on 03/20 at 07:03 AM
Way to go;-) When I first decided to really “go for it” and let my hair be the beautiful natural color that it is, it was so exciting to see the shimmer coming through. I had taken it all off when I started but I did have a few tips on the top of the Auburn color...the silver grey just sparkled,especially in the natural light! Enjoy the discovery of the “crown” of silver;-)
Posted by elizabeth on 03/20 at 07:57 AM
Reading all these comments makes me feel not only liberated but very much empowered. I can’t get over all these comments that I’ve read. Thanks to all of ya’ll!
Kendall
Posted by kendall88athlete on 03/20 at 08:24 AM
I am 68 years old and have colored my hair over thirty years. I happened to see a book in the library about letting your hair go grey. I found your web site and made up my mind that I was sick and tired of coloring my hair at home every four weeks. The next time, which is every five weeks, I have my hair trimmed I told my hair dresser and being afraid she would try and talk me out of it but, she was very nice about it and said it was a long process. It has been liberating and I am axious to see how it will grow out. I took your advice and changed my make up some. Your web site has really been very helpful.
Thanks, Diane
Posted by Dee04 on 04/09 at 09:05 AM
Hi Diane—I’m glad you found us, too, and maybe this “long process” will be helped along by all the friendly voices here. We’re with you 100%! So good luck, and let us know how it goes. D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 04/09 at 10:14 AM
Hello! This is my first post, I’ve just turned 32 and decided I don’t want to hide my real hair any longer. I’m another one from Down Under. I started greying at 17 and I have been dyeing my hair for all those years. I used to have an all over colour as I was doing it myself, but for the past 5 years I have had blonde streaks put in along with the colour to diffuse the regrowth. I have about two months of regrowth at the moment and it’s not overly noticeable - if I fluff it and brush it the right way.
I can relate to those who say they are excited watching the grey come through. Now that I have decided to do it, I am actually celebrating my regrowth and loving all the white I am seeing.
I am very nervous about how I will look being very skinny of face and also quite pale - I think make-up is going to become my new best friend!
Yesterday I told some of the Mums in my local mother’s group what I am doing with my hair (I have 3 young children) and one of them commented “You are going to make a gorgeous grey!” So with that kind of support and sites like this with all you wonderful members, I am striding along confidently.
Posted by Christie on 05/19 at 07:10 PM
Hi Christie—Welcome! Well, you definitely qualify as a “preemie”—starting at 17. Sounds like things are pretty much under control right now, since you can camouflage the new gray growth by “fluffing.” I’d love to see some pics, and hope you consider joining our other Down Under gal, Judith, in the Newbies section.
The shape of your face isn’t going to determine how well you look with gray/white hair, but your skintone might need a little “warming.” For now, check out the sheer gel bronzers in our new story under Products You Should Know About/Face.
One of our Newbies, Beth, reported today that she tried one, and “feels like a million bucks.” They’re nice, if you don’t want an overly made-up look, but just a little color.
I love what the “Mums” in your group said! Enjoy the journey! D.
Posted by Diana Jewell on 05/19 at 09:19 PM
Some how I am not able to find the product you mentioned, Sheer Gel Bronzer. I must have brain fog. 
Thanks for your help. Diane
Posted by Dee04 on 05/20 at 02:27 AM
Hi Diane,
I found it here:
http://goinggraylookinggreat.com/beauty_basics/super_smoothers
Hope that helps,
Cheers,
Christie
Posted by Christie on 05/20 at 02:48 AM
Christie, thank you so much for telling me about the bronze gell.
It surely is nice to have a group of people that are helpful in this process. I have gotten a lot of good information and am thankful for it. Diane
Posted by Dee04 on 05/20 at 03:03 AM
Hi Dee—Just want to remind you—and everybody—to keep checking the home page. If I have some “news” or am talking about new products, I’ll always put that in the little posting at the top of the page, and direct you to where you can find the “goods.” Today, you’ll see a big SUN there—announcing the bronzer story. 
Posted by Diana Jewell on 05/20 at 07:54 AM
Hi Christie,
Good for you! I feel it is has been very liberating to stop coloring. I colored my hair for years and had no clue what was really under there. I am now at 4 months growth and am very calico (salt and pepper on top, light brown on ends, white streaks on the side, etc.), but it feels good to see what’s really there! It also feels good to go for a new cut. Last time I got two inches taken off.
I am also trying out new makeup options and just recently went to a makeup counter in a department store to get done up. It was interesting and gave me some ideas. You can take what you like (they gave me a list of the products they used on me) and leave the rest.
Enjoy the journey! Ladygrey
Posted by ladygrey on 05/20 at 10:08 AM
Hey Ladygrey—That reminds me. In your last posting, didn’t you say you were “going to take a picture tonight?” Hmmmmmm. Waiting. . . 
Posted by Diana Jewell on 05/20 at 11:01 AM
Sorry! No excuses… :( I’ll see what I can do tonight. LG
Posted by ladygrey on 05/20 at 12:41 PM
Hi ladies! DJ here and I was a preemie. I’ll be 44 in August and I found my first white hairs at 15. I am just starting to get an idea what my natural color will be like, because I’ve been coloring it for over 20 yrs. Before the hereditary premature gray took over my hair was a reddish, very dark brown. Now it looks as though it’s going to be a steely silver color. I’m finding it frustrating growing it out and it makes me wish I had had the confidence to just leave it natural back in my youth! I am at about 3.5 month of grow out and recently did the big chop. I don’t like me with short hair, but I think I find the root look even more frustrating. I’m not gonna touch it, other than one more cut in a few months. UGH, why did it seem like it grew at light speed when I had to touch up the roots every 2 weeks, but now it seems to be growing at a snails pace, lol! 
Posted by DJ on 06/01 at 10:24 AM
Oh, and a big THANK YOU to Diana and all of the other wonderful ladies here! Sure makes a difference when you have others going through the same thing, to “talk” to and compare notes!
Posted by DJ on 06/01 at 10:26 AM
Hi DJ,
I loved seeing your pictures this morning. I relate to a lot of what you have written in your chats. I know that it is not easy...but the silver journey is so worth it! It challenges how we see ourselves...it’s amazing how this transition time can shake you right down to your core! Every lesson that I learned through the transition was so valuable to me...it brought about feelings of incredible freedom and confidence.
You have a beautiful head of hair! Your face glows! I look forward to seeing those silver curls that are ready to grow out!
Thanks again for sharing your story and pictures!
Posted by elizabeth on 06/02 at 04:54 AM
Hi Elizabeth,
Thank you and no, it isn’t easy...and I was really unprepared for just how odd I would feel! Why such an emotional attachment to my HAIR? But you are right, it challenges the way we see ourselves. I never thought I cared all that much about what my hair looked like...until this. It certainly is an emotional journey and I’m sure I’ll look back on and think...how silly I was 
I’ve never really felt quite the kind of insecurity I feel at the moment...but I know it will pass. I just feels so foreign, ya know?
I’m sorry you had such a traumatic start to your journey, but I’m happy for you that it’s become a positive thing. You are absolutely gorgeous silver!
Donna
Posted by DJ on 06/02 at 03:19 PM
Hi DJ,
I don’t think you’ll look back and feel “silly” at all...I sure don’t. It’s a big deal..it’s like saying “good-bye” to a life long friend! Our hair is a huge part of our identity, it’s part of our signature, it’s a visual defination of who we are! My kids never looked for what I was wearing...they looked for my hair!
It’s natural to “grieve” the loss...I did...over and over. Every negative comment hit close to my heart, my perception of how I believed people saw me shook me to the core. Then the most wonderful thing happened...the perception of what I saw in the mirror started to change! Then the FUN really began!
I began to OWN my “new hair”! I started to really love the vibrance and shimmer of the color! I truly believed with all my heart that the many shades of silver/gray are the MOST beautiful! I love the fire and sparkle! Geez...I could be describing diamonds!
I’m not quite 40...but this by far has been one of my top 3 most powerful life changing experiences. It has played a HUGE part in how I see myself and others…
I know there are really tough moments ahead...they WILL become less and less and the CELEBRATION of who you are will rise above!! “Out of the ashes rises the Phoenix”
Enjoy taking flight!
Posted by elizabeth on 06/02 at 04:26 PM
Elizabeth,
Thank you so much! I am definitely “grieving” the loss of my long and dark AND curly hair. I have never been one to give a rats patootie about what anyone else thought, but wow...I AM bothered by the comments regarding my hair. I feel a bit obsessed...like it’s all I think about. I’m thinking I will feel a bit better when the last of my calico look is gone And your hair, DOES sparkle like diamonds!
I’ve never been really “girly” if ya know what I mean, but I am going to go out this weekend and do some girly shopping as Catherine suggested and pay some attention to something other than my hair. I think it’s great advice! I can’t wait to feel like I OWN my new look, but I have to “define” my new look first.
I was definitely caught off guard by the crazy emotions I’ve been feeling regarding this whole experience, but I know “this too shall pass”. Especially with the help of all of you amazing silver goddesses!
Donna
Posted by DJ on 06/02 at 06:23 PM
Ahhhh Shopping!!!
When in doubt...GO SHOPPING!!!
Have fun!
Posted by elizabeth on 06/02 at 06:27 PM
Newbie here…
As well as a Preemie…
And at the rip old age of 38 I’m considering ‘going gray, natural, etc’.
I noticed grays at the age of 18 and I started coloring consistently in my early 20’s. Add all that up.. and it’s a lot of coloring, time, and money.
I think I’m 90+ % grey/white/sliver at this point. I find that I get the halo at 2 weeks. I re-apply color about every 4 weeks. I do this at home rather than a salon.
On a side note, about a year ago I started to let my hair be in it’s naturally curly state. I was tired of straightening it (hair dryer blow out). I don’t use sulfate shampoos or silicone products, which are damaging to hair. What I have today is wonderfully healthy wavy/curly (DYED) golden brown hair. Strangers stop me to ask what I do to my hair to make it look like it does.
Going gray scares the you know what out of me. My mom (at 62) just did this and it looks ‘age appropriate’. She was washed out blonde before this transition. I can rationalize the whole.. putting chemicals on my hair is bad. And each exposure is just more and more chemicals. BUT.... I love it’s color and texture and curl. Bottom line.. Vanity. So much of my(our) identity is wrapped up in hair. I want to keep my curly hair, but I don’t want it too look silly as grey/silver/white (whatever is hiding under there). I’m also not willing to do a big chop. I look terrible w/ short hair (btdt).
Advice? Comments? words of wisdom....
Maybe I’m not ready...I don’t know
Posted by curlyshelly on 06/20 at 10:59 AM
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